Transitional Objects

My T has forewarned me that he will be away for three weeks in April and he thinks it would be a good idea that we spend some time in the next couple of sessions exploring how we can make this easier for me as he knows I find breaks hard due to it triggering abandonment.
I really want to ask for a transitional object so I can use it to remind me of our relationship and the fact that he cares, as in between sessions I generally lose the ability to hold on to that connection.
However I am absolutely terrified of asking for anything from him as if he says no then I would find it hugely rejecting and it would have a really negative impact on how I feel about him and our relationship.
Has anyone ever asked for this kind of thing before and what response have you been given? If they said no what was there reason?

I struggle with breaks and abandonment too. He used to give me a few weeks notice if he was going away, but now he doesn't give me any notice. I don't like that.

Is there a certain object you would like to hold for those few weeks?

My T has let me borrow books and a dvd once. The last time he gave me anything (a gift) was when the first lockdown happened. It made a huge difference to me and I keep it close.

It's good that your T says they want to explore how to make the break easier for you, I would use that as an opening to say it would make it easier if you could hold something from him while he's away.

Transitional objects can be so important. Your therapist most likely knows that. I've had T's give me everything from a pen they've used, to soft fabric, a book, notebooks, a little cat figurine.

Yeah I’m just going to see where the conversation goes and if there is an opportunity to bring it up hopefully I might find the courage to do so. Or hint like crazy and hope he can mind read!!!
I hadn’t actually thought about what kind of thing I would like. The child part of me would love something soft that I could hug close but I worry that sounds creepy and weird! Even just a hand written note with supportive words on it would be really meaningful. He doesn’t have much personal stuff in his office so I guess it probably would have to be something more like that. Perhaps spending some time coming up with something to write together.

I think a hand-written note is a great idea.

I don’t think that sounds creepy and weird! I would like that too. A handwritten note sounds good as well, that shouldn’t be hard for him to come up with

I...am not a good person to ask about this (long story regarding my T that I think predates your time on the site. I did get an item after I asked though. It just got complicated later, but ultimately all worked out.)


Or maybe, in a way, because of that experience, I *am* a good person to ask? So since he's not going away until April, this would give him time to think about it. Does he know you're on this site at all? Or at least a site about therapy? If so, or even if not, I would maybe try mentioning that you've heard some people get help with their T's being away by having a transitional object. You could mention some examples, like a handwritten note, a voice message/memo, something from his office like a small stone (what I have), or something else you associate with him. Are you currently seeing him in person? If so, another option could be to bring in something small of your own that could get "energy" from his office or maybe even from his holding it briefly, that you'd then take back with you.

ETA: Just don't spring it on him the day before he leaves, give him time to think about what he'd be comfortable with.

Sadly, not all T's are knowledgeable about the whole transitional object thing. You'd think they would be, considering I think some developmental psychology training is required, and it's a part of that. But I think some don't realize it can apply to adults as well as children.


I like the idea of a pen they'd used. Hm, maybe it's time to trade in my stone for one of those, once I'm back in person again. The stone is in desperate need of recharging anyway, as it's been nearly a year.

Thanks LT, that’s really helpful. He doesn’t know I use these boards (scared he will look me up on them, lol!) but that would be a really gentle way to approach the topic and perhaps I can ask him what his thoughts on transitional objects are, so it is more of a discussion than me asking for something.
I am seeing him in person so that does make things a little easier.
We have three more sessions before he goes away and I think he is keen to use that time to really explore what is going on and put whatever he can in place to avoid a rupture like there was after Christmas because my abandonment issues had been triggered. So if I raise the idea next week he has a couple of weeks to think about it and assess whether it’s something he is comfortable with or not. I’m just scared of it somehow going wrong, but I guess it’s a case of either I take the risk or forever wonder if it was something that he might have been ok and would have been useful.