Shame spiral

I’m really going through a shame spiral after today’s therapy session. It was about 12 hours ago and I’m just now starting to get out of the downward spiral.

Basically me and my therapist had a discussion about my job search and how I feel it’s going badly. We talked through it a little and she came to the conclusion that I wasn’t showing up prepared enough and wants me to do some research about how to interview (which I’m willing to do). But honestly, it hurt to hear someone else confirm my fears about myself. My brain jumps to “I’m not hard working enough”, “I’m lazy”, “I don’t have the skills”, “why would anyone want someone like that as an employee?”. She didn’t say any of those things but that’s what it spiraled into in my mind. I’m trying to remember that none of that is true but it’s hard and it shook my confidence.

I’m considering saying that I no longer want to talk about my job search in therapy. If I do want to talk about it, it’ll be somewhere else. I don’t know if therapy is the right place for me to work on this when I would rather work on my internal struggles and not the specific actions that I’m doing wrong, because that paralyzes me.

I’m sure at some point we will discuss this. Any advice on how to mention it? Is it okay for me to not want to talk about this anymore in therapy?

I think it's fine to choose not to talk about something, but a lot of times it's the things we don't want to talk about that we really need to talk about. If I were you, I would bring up next session how you felt about yourself after her comment. I'd probably write it down if it was bringing up that much shame for me. Something came up recently in my therapy that brought up a lot of shame and I decided I didn't want to talk about it anymore, but instead I wrote about how I felt and why I wanted to never discuss this again and emailed him before our next session. It's definitely not easy to do, but it's probably what you need.

I am sure it is okay for you not to talk about about it. However is it possible the shame and lack of confidence over her statement is part of thr reason you are not interviewing well? Maybe what she meant was if you prepared for interviews, you would be less nervous, self conscious ,etc. Just an idea that may be way off base.

You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to, in therapy.

However. I see the worth in exploring your reactions to her comment as fruitful work. It doesn't sound like she said the things you heard (that judging, condemning, inner voice). Working through it, exploring it, is what can help break the pattern, despite stirring uncomfortable emotions etc. That's my take but this is your life and your therapy, so the direction of your session is your choice.

"You must say that thing which you think you cannot say."