Couch 230: Decent Communications

Wow, I didn't know this. This is good information, @@. Our county will probably go back to masking and my Mom seems a little paranoid about Covid lately, like she wasn't at first but the longer it goes on the more paranoid she seems about it. I've been trying to explain to her that she's vaccinated and not doing really risky activities so the likelihood of her getting Covid is low. This explanation might help. Although I know with my own paranoia which has nothing to do with Covid, all the rational logical arguments of the world don't help because it's an emotional thing.

Keep in mind that pretty much all our information is incomplete at this point. So nothing is a given.

Yes, I see. I'm just trying to think of ways to help my Mom. She has memory issues. With her short term memory and unfortunately she watches a lot of news and Covid is being replayed over and over on the news and I think it is sticking with her more than stuff that she isn't hearing as much about. We've been going to first service at Church which maybe 20 people attend rather than 2nd service which maybe 60 people attend, and have been staying away from crowded areas and she wears her mask when she goes shopping and stuff. I really think she's going to be okay. Statistically. But if she does catch the Covid, I think her chances of survival are good because of the vaccine so it might be a pain for a while but I think she'll recover. This is all just what I think, nothing proven. But I don't know how to make her feel more safe. Then again, I don't know how to make myself feel more safe when I am paranoid either. Maybe she needs a Dr. K.

Just looked at my work email on my lunch break, I see that overtime is coming soon. Sounds like next week already, to help take calls one morning a week. We have a meeting that starts right when I get back from lunch in 2 minutes. Guess I'll find out here in a few minutes! I wonder how many of my teammates will ***** and moan about it. I am thankful that I have found a better attitude about helping with phone calls. I am much more at peace lately because of it.

Artie, I just wanted to say you sound like you've been feeling really good lately. Like really good, really upbeat, really excited about therapy and life! You do sound like you are at peace with your work situation. Way to go you! You sound like you are doing really, really well. HUGS Kit

Yeah, things like what happened in Provincetown (where a whole bunch of vaccinated people got it and a few ended up hospitalized) seem to conflict with that, but there may have been other factors at play or it was just a complete outlier.

My parents are flying back home today after being in town for about a week. It was just awful timing for them to come, because I’ve just moved across the country, started a new fellowship, and was on an intense rotation at work. (I told them to wait and come later but they didn’t.) I was seeing them every day after work and now I’m totally exhausted.

T was getting on me, saying that I shouldn’t feel resentful because I didn’t set sufficiently clear boundaries with them. But it’s not like they asked me when would be a good time and we mutually agreed on a date; they just told me when they were coming and expected me to be available.

I could have said that I wasn’t going to see them every evening or could have refused to see family on my one day off (Sunday). The reason I didn’t is because whenever I set boundaries with my mother she explodes and becomes intolerably over-emotional and demanding and that causes me suffering; the suffering of being exhausted seeing my parents is less than the suffering of my mother in that state. (She’s got me trained pretty well, huh?)

I get that it’s my responsibility to set boundaries, but it’s also my mother’s responsibility to listen to me when I tell her not to come, and to behave like a frigging adult.

Next session is on the 19th, Cake. Thanks for the kind words.

Thanks so much, Kit. It really feels like the whole of my almost 10 years of therapy has just been finally, finally coming together or something in the past month. As L said last time "Well, you're a slow cooker" I suppose I am. It's taken a realllllly long time but I feel like I'm finally getting to where I want to be despite myself (meaning, all the times I tried to quit therapy but thankfully ended up going back). And I'm not going anywhere as far as therapy is concerned until I'm sure this is gonna "stick"!

Break time! Well the meeting went pretty well, we found out we have to help on phones on Mondays all day and on Fridays as scheduled for the foreseeable future, and the overtime is strictly to work our normal job. There wasn't too much complaint, actually, probably because our director was on the call, so that was good. They completely rearranged our chat schedule too, so I'm in live chat again next week even though I just did it last week. Oh well, it's all good! Variety is the spice of life, and all that! haha.


Hugs all around to those who need/want.

Not really—the Provincetown data is based on a smallish non-random sample. A UK study out just recently, randomized and with more subjects, suggests that vaccinated people, even if symptomatic, shed less virus than the non-vaccinated.

OK, that's helpful to know, thanks!

Wow next week I have two therapy appointments on the same day. I have a chat session with J at 12 Noon on Tuesday and then a video session with Dr. K at 4 PM. (I've told neither about the other.) This will be weird and strange but ultimately, hopefully, helpful. Doubling up!

You are allowed to feel resentful. You may have been able to do something differently that wouldn't have led to you feeling resentful, but your feelings are valid regardless.

Also:


The only way to set a boundary is to say what you will or will not do. You can't control the other person. But then the tricky part is to be about to withstand the emotional outburst or other consequences without feeling like it will destroy you. It gets easier over time, but it can feel intolerable at first, especially with your parents.

I have so many microwave soups in my fridge because i based my post vaccination recover on the first shot. I will have to look and see if they are able to be frozen. I just cant eat that many soups.

Thank you, EM — I always appreciate your thoughtful replies!

I agree with you — I am allowed to feel resentful, though it would be wise if I also recognized what part of the situation I may have contributed to or could have changed. I’m trying to think if I would have made a different decision if I’d thought more carefully about it, and I really wouldn’t have — my mom freaking out is extremely stressful for me (I wish that weren’t the case, but it is), and I just don’t have the bandwidth to tolerate that right now. Maybe next time this comes up (and I’m fairly certain it will!) I’ll think about it again and come to a different conclusion. But maybe not.

I had therapy appointments on the same day once with No. 2 and then No. 1. I mentioned this to No. 1, she accused me of double dosing jokingly, then she tried to tickle me. I still think that was odd, almost 6 years later.

Chihiro - my mother always went balls to the wall, you should pardon the expression. Everything was a matter of life and death. There were a couple of times i discussed past situations i was unhappy with, and she just blamed me, saying if i had "really" felt strongly about something, i would have found a way to do it, no matter what she said. Still, that did not make a difference in her attitude towards toward future conflicts. Its always, "just this one time, do it my way." Meanwhile you (i) get zero times your way. There is no compromise.

One of the warnings on my office chair is do not use on stairs what goes on in the minds of some people. i am off to read the Darwin Awards page.

One of my favorites, and this may just be a US thing because we advertise drugs over here, is "don't take drug X if you're allergic to X". Do we seriously need to tell people this?