[Mountaindewed]

I sent an email to her last Wednesday because she cancelled all our appointments and didn’t schedule me again until the 6th of October which is 6 days after I’m having surgery. We were supposed to meet on the 27th and then the next session was the 11th. I told her I might not be able to make the one on the 11th and she seemed to get it. In her email she didn’t mention my surgery. She just said “these are the new dates”. So I sent an email expressing that I really needed support from her before my surgery. And also the appointment on the 6th might be tough to make. I said I felt like what she was doing was a little like bit like client abandonment and this is what she said back:

“Traditionally I have 1-2 cancellations per week that I am made aware of at the beginning of the week, so it is extremely likely that I will have an appointment become available. If I do not have something I'd be happy to come in an hour early and see you at 7am so that you are seen prior to your surgery. I am sorry you felt abandoned, unfortunately it is a requirement that I be present at these mandatory meetings.”

Does this email sound like she’s being legit? I feel like she’s coming off as being sarcastic and uncaring

If she had just said in the first place “I hope your surgery goes well” or “good luck! I’ll be thinking of you!” I wouldn’t be so pissed. But she didn’t mention any of that at all. She hasn’t emailed me yet saying that she has any openings or elaborating more on coming in early someday either.

[LonesomeTonight]

I don't read her as being sarcastic in her tone, more businesslike and a bit detached. I agree that she should have wished you well in your surgery. But she is offering to see you, so she is trying to accommodate you. I think with her comment about the meetings, she's trying to let you know that her reason for canceling is not about you, but about the meetings.

I say this as someone who has a tendency to read negative things into tone in emails/texts, particularly from therapists, so I get it. But I know it can often help to have an outside opinion of it.

Also, because she said she normally knows about cancellations at the beginning of the week, I'd suggest checking in with her to be sure you can get a session before your surgery.

[Mountaindewed]

Thanks. Yeah I wanted a second opinion since I was reading too much into it.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Sounded businesslike; not sarcastic. She did offer a way to accommodate your wish to see her prior to surgery, so I don't see that as particularly uncaring -- just businesslike.

[Mountaindewed]

She just emailed me back and said that she still doesn’t have any cancellation but she can do a phone call at 3:30 on Friday. What happened to the 7AM session? And how long is this phone call and will I be charged the full amount. So many questions and I don’t want to sound like an ungrateful **** so I’ve just been ignoring the email for now.

[ArtleyWilkins]

But if you ignore it, you don't get answers. Respond and ask her your questions. Give her your preference. If you present is that 7AM spot, let her know. If your preference is 3:30 Friday, let her know. No response from you though will mean neither of those options.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

But if you ignore it, you don't get answers. Respond and ask her your questions. Give her your preference. If you present is that 7AM spot, let her know. If your preference is 3:30 Friday, let her know. No response from you though will mean neither of those options.

Agreed, and then she could end up putting someone else in the 3:30 because she didn't hear from you. It's also possible she thought you'd prefer the 3:30 to the 7 am, so if you'd prefer a full 7 am session, I'd tell her. And ask if the 3:30 is a full slot.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I agree with the others, she doesn't sound too personal or warm and fuzzy in the email, but not sarcastic either. Did you let her know you'd like the 7AM spot if there were no cancellations? I'd let her know whether you'd like a call or session.

[snowangel17]

As someone who can also read into a 'perceived' tone in texts and emails I don't see anything wrong with her first email response. Perhaps it is a tiny bit business like in it's use of direct language but seems genuine and clear. She was trying to accomodate you by saying she was willing to come into work earlier to see you which not all therapists would do. The piece about the mandatory meetings also gives a reason as to why she isn't available which is fair.

Did you tell her you would like the 7am time slot if there were no cancellations? If not she may not think that appealed to you therefore not said it again when there was no cancellation. If it is something you want I would ask her if you can still do that.

Also, as someone else said if you don't ask. your questions you won't get any answers.... she won't know what you are thinking/wondering so it will all be left unsaid/unanswered.

If only my therapist was always as civil as this!

But yes, be explicit about what you need and what you want to ask. Expecting her to anticipate your needs/wants will lead to lots of misunderstandings and hurt.

[Mountaindewed]

I emailed her and asked if this was just a regular phone call or a video session and how long it would be. She replied and the only thing she said was “we could do a video session if you preferred” Then I answered her back and said “we could do a telesession” but I asked her if the office went back to remote.

I was wondering because I don’t get why I can’t go into the office for half an hour if that’s all she has time for instead of doing a video session for half an hour. I really don’t mind the drive it’s only 15 minutes. So now I’m just confused about everything and I guess I should have elaborated more in my email But my mind is so messed up about other things that are going on and lack of food that I just didn’t really give her a legit answer to her email. But she didn’t answer any of my questions either.

I wanted to know the length of the session because I don’t know if she’s going to charge me full price for a 10 minute phone call and I can’t afford full length therapy sessions as it is. So I wanted to know how much she’d be charging me but It felt like an awkward thing to ask so that’s why I asked how long it would be. So I could basically decide if I could afford it or not.

[ArtleyWilkins]

You have to communicate clearly with her. Otherwise, this just keeps going in circles. Can you just call and ask these questions?

[Mountaindewed]

She said she created the 3:30 time slot for me since she didn’t have anything else but she can’t be in her office and has to do it at her house because of her kids schedule. So I just said ok I’d do it. She’s the one trying. I’m not. There was also some other stuff added in that email too but I honestly don’t care what she thinks of me at this point.

But yeah we are doing 3:30 on Friday virtually. I wonder if she’ll show me her guns.

[nottrustin]

I do not see any sarcasm. I read it as as she will find a way to meet your needs.

[Mountaindewed]

Ugh. I got knocked up on melatonin and Benadryl last night and missed her email at 4:30 saying she has an opening for 11AM. I emailed her back as soon as I woke up at 5:15 So I hope it works out. My mom has to get the car fixed at 8 but even if it takes 2 hours it should be fine.

I haven’t heard back from her but it’s only 6:30.

[Mountaindewed]

I told her last night before I fell asleep that I was using my meds to numb my anxiety and she told me that is abusing my meds and I need to talk to my doctor So I’m sure that will come up today. I hope I don’t get yelled at. Or worse.

[LonesomeTonight]

Hope you'll be able to see her today and that she's helpful

[Mountaindewed]

Well I saw her. And yeah I’m in a bit of trouble. She’s going to call my mom about my med situation. I kept telling her not to call the cops. But she didn’t say anything. So far it’s over 2 hours past my appointment. I hid out at a restaurant for a bit. She hasn’t called my mom yet and no ambulance has shown up at my house. So idk. I guess I’m ok.

[Salmon77]

I'm confused as to why she might call the cops? or your mom? I don't know what was said obviously but I think Ts only call the cops if you're making specific, actionable plans to harm yourself or others. (I'm not sure about the rules regarding parents if you're a minor, though.)

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Salmon77

I'm confused as to why she might call the cops? or your mom? I don't know what was said obviously but I think Ts only call the cops if you're making specific, actionable plans to harm yourself or others. (I'm not sure about the rules regarding parents if you're a minor, though.)

Exactly, I think that's the only reason they can call the cops, if you have a desire to harm yourself, a plan, and the intent to carry out that plan. But like Salmon said, unsure about when parents can be contacted if a minor (not sure that you're a minor though?) Well, actually, I think the T can contact an "emergency contact" under some circumstances, but you may have to give permission for that, too? Not sure.

[Mountaindewed]

She says I’m abusing my meds and last night I took a lot of melatonin and a Benadryl to help me sleep. Which I guess could technically be considered an OD or a SA. Which was not my intention. So she says she wants to talk to my mom. I am 28 but my mom is my emergency contact. She calls my mom “mom” and is always talking about “mom” and acts like she’s my guardian even though I’m my own guardian. She never did call her so I guess I’m in the clear. Especially since it’s now been 24 hours since the incident so I don’t think she can legally do anything. Like force me IP.

[Mountaindewed]

I honestly just wanted her to wish me luck regarding my surgery in the email she had sent about rescheduling my appointments. If she had just mentioned that very important thing I wouldn’t be upset.

She did though say she hopes it goes well as I was halfway out of her office.

My mom is confused about why she wants to talk to her. I already told her all about the med situation. I even give her my meds when I don’t trust myself. And I told my therapist that too. When I told my mom my therapist wanted to talk to her my mom thought my therapist was mad at her about something. I don’t think it’s very normal to have a therapist talk to an adult clients mom. It just seems like tattling.

[Salmon77]

I don't think it's normal either, you're an adult and there's really no reason for her to do so.

Glad she finally wished you well though.

[Mountaindewed]

I had sent her an email this morning because I was excited about the news I got. Then around 2:30 maybe my mom came home from the store and told me she had called. She just said she wanted my mom to be aware of her concerns. My mom told her we are both keeping track of my Valium, and that I give her my meds when I don’t trust myself with them. My t said she’d email me back but I haven’t received one. I’m trying not to let this bug me. But I had great news I wanted to share with her and instead she talks to my mom.

[velcro003]

I really do not find it ethical that she called and talked to your mom. Did you give her permission (written) to do so?