[coolibrarian]

T and I have started talking around talking about termination. What I mean is that we aren't talking about the ending itself, but rather about how I might feel (i.e., is it as sad as I think it will be? T said "yes." She also told me she's done this many times, but when she said that I thought she meant with herself as the client. Now I'm unsure. I may ask her in a few hours during my session.), how I will get through my grief, how I will get through the loss and abandonment issues I have been carrying since my childhood (I'm 62 now.). We've done a lot of fantastic work together, some hard, some easier. I've been seeing her since 1989, with a break of about 15 months, when I thought I was "done." Hah! As I've been aging, my issues now include more grief, illness (hers and mine), loss, fear of being alone (like if my wife dies before me), how/if I will transition to a new T, etc.

She's said she will give me a year's notice. On her last birthday, she turned 70, so I'm afraid that any time now she will make her announcement. I'm terrified.

I have a Pdoc, so I am not without support. He takes care of my meds and I see him about every three months. But he's not warm the way T is.

Has anyone gone through termination after long-term therapy? How did you cope?

[SlumberKitty]

Hi Cool. I was with former T for about 10 years. It was super hard to end with her but we had to due to her illness (MS). She wasn't able to see clients anymore. It just "was." She stayed with me until I found a new T which took about two months. Mostly when I say she stayed with me, she did some phone calls to help support me during the transition. When I found a T (who is now ex T) that I could work with then former T and I had a termination session. It was extremely painful. I bawled all the way through it and I am not much of a crier. I cried for about three days after ward. I cried at home. I cried at work. I cried and I cried and I cried. Then I stopped. But off and on for the next six to eight months I kept crying. Eventually it got better. We stay in limited contact (email or text) a few times a year which helps. Sometimes she responds, sometimes she doesn't. Which can be annoying. Eventually things just got better. I worked with a T for a couple of years. Then decided she wasn't helping me much, moved to another T, Dr. K got suicidal and figured he wasn't helping me much and then entered IOP where I just lost IOP individual T and that was hard. I cried again. Basically I cried and I cried and I cried until I could not cry anymore. That's how I coped.

Possible trigger:

I also did some self harm.

[wheeler]

I have been seeing my current T for 5 years and we have just started talking about switching to every other week. Maybe that’s something you could start with? It doesn’t necessarily have to be an all or nothing.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Yes, I stopped therapy after a decade with my last therapist. Honestly, it wasn't that big of a deal. We knew I was ready. I had gotten to that point where I realized that rather than going into session needing help with things, I was just reporting what I had already figured out and dealt with on my own. I had already transitioned into my own ability to function quite healthily without my therapist.

We planned to just stretch out the time between sessions until I felt comfortable stopping, but I quickly realized that just wasn't necessary. I simply stopped going. No big "last" session. No drama. It was very natural and timely. He didn't hunt me down wondering where I was or anything; he knew exactly why I was not there. I had moved on.

I didn't have any problems adjusting to not having my therapist around. I didn't mourn or miss him. A decade later, we still run into each other on occasion since we live in the same community. Nice to see him, but it is like running into anyone you haven't seen in a while. We chat for a minute and go on our way. We do Facebook, and he does keep up with me. When my husband became ill, he occasionally messaged me just letting me know he was thinking about me and my husband, not because he was particularly worried about me coping - he just cared about us - he knew my husband quite well. He contacted me when my husband passed.

I know I could go back and see him again professionally if I need to, but thus far, even with the death of my husband, I am still managing pretty well all things considered. We did good work together, and I am thankful each and every day that I find myself coping quite normally and healthily that he was my therapist back in the days when that was not my norm.

[ArtieTheSequal]

Thank you for sharing that, Artley. It is helpful for me to read.