Couch 233: Nothing’s Ghana Stop Us Now

ScarletPimpernel · Nov 17, 2021 at 09:04 PM

I was on Prazosin for PTSD nightmares, but am now on Doxazosin. I still have nightmares, but not night terrors. I think L said it relaxes your fight/flight hormones? Something like that. So you'll still have nightmares (it's your brain's way of processing), but you shouldn't have an extreme reaction to whatever the dream is.

ArtieTheSequal · Nov 17, 2021 at 09:38 PM

Well, I was up at like 3:30 this morning cuz I couldn't sleep so I'm ready for zzzzz's. I think I'm gonna sleep good tonight.

Nighty night, couch.

Daffydungle · Nov 17, 2021 at 11:45 PM

I had to go to an emergeency dentist appointment today and i didnt feel like inwas going to die once it was really weird i only had slight anxiety and didnt feel like i was about to dissociat once. I have no idea what is going on. I did ask if i could hold a book while they worked but i dont think that was it, it helped but i dont think it was all of it.

unaluna · Nov 18, 2021 at 01:04 AM

So i have been staying up all night for the past month or two or three, whats the word, binge-watching carp. So tonight i decided to use the time and take my diuretic, and take out a few bags of old garbage everytime i get up to pee. Two birds, or three! But i really do need to get on a daytime schedule. I guess. Or at least figure out how to sleep the night before a dr appt.

atisketatasket · Nov 18, 2021 at 04:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

So i have been staying up all night for the past month or two or three, whats the word, binge-watching carp. So tonight i decided to use the time and take my diuretic, and take out a few bags of old garbage everytime i get up to pee. Two birds, or three! But i really do need to get on a daytime schedule. I guess. Or at least figure out how to sleep the night before a dr appt.

A couple weeks ago, my unhealthy sleep pattern was to go to bed at 10 and then cry for a couple hours till I fell asleep. Now it’s go to bed at 10, sleep for a few hours, wake up, toss and turn a few hours, then drift off again.

I was just finally getting back to sleep a bit ago when the smoke detector decided to alert me to a low battery. Bleah.

Quietmind 2 · Nov 18, 2021 at 06:37 AM

I feel less alone regarding unhealthy sleep patterns. Ever since gabapentin, I don't have so many nightmares. But lately due to stress and worry, (even with my usual meds), I struggle to sleep, get a few hours, and then wake up early and can't go back to sleep.

StressedMess · Nov 18, 2021 at 07:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

A couple weeks ago, my unhealthy sleep pattern was to go to bed at 10 and then cry for a couple hours till I fell asleep. Now it’s go to bed at 10, sleep for a few hours, wake up, toss and turn a few hours, then drift off again.

I was just finally getting back to sleep a bit ago when the smoke detector decided to alert me to a low battery. Bleah.

This! I sleep, wake for hours, then doze until the alarm goes off. It has been my experience for the last 10 or more years.

I'm really sorry to everyone who has trouble sleeping, it's absolutely the pits.

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk

ArtieTheSequal · Nov 18, 2021 at 07:58 AM

I started taking melatonin again cuz of waking up at 2:30 am too often. Even with the melatonin I confess I cried myself to sleep monday and tuesday nights this week over the L stuff. After we talked yesterday and scheduled the end-processing sessions, I slept peacefully last night.

ArtieTheSequal · Nov 18, 2021 at 01:32 PM

So far so good, been awake for over 6 hours now and still feel good about ending with L, there's been no bouncing around in my feelings today at all. We'll see how tomorrow's session goes. I've never actually experienced 'processing the ending/bringing closure' sessions before. The other times I tried to stop seeing her, she treated like breaks (which of course they turned into) even though I thought I was quitting. We did a little talking about the work we'd done up until then each time, but nothing about actually ending the relationship and processing our feelings about it, nothing about finding closure, etc which is what these are going to be for. I honestly don't know what to expect. I'm hopeful that she won't be pissed anymore, in the past she has moved on from ruptures much more quickly than I did so I'm trusting her that this will be the same.

Thanks for reading.

ArtieTheSequal · Nov 18, 2021 at 01:37 PM

And, holy cow! I just heated up a can of progresso chicken tortilla soup for lunch that says it's "medium" but it's super spicy! Tastes good but I'd hate to see what they consider hot! I added a little milk to it to tame it a bit and it helps some but it's still gonna take me my whole lunch break to eat one bowl of it!

velcro003 · Nov 18, 2021 at 01:48 PM

I also sleep terribly. Lately it has been wake up every two hours. Ugh.

Artie-I must confess that I don’t like that L got mad for whatever reason at you on the phone yesterday.

ArtieTheSequal · Nov 18, 2021 at 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

I also sleep terribly. Lately it has been wake up every two hours. Ugh.

Artie-I must confess that I don’t like that L got mad for whatever reason at you on the phone yesterday.

Thanks. But, to be honest I can't really blame her. I said something I probably shouldn't have said. She would likely say "I was frustrated, not pissed. It wouldn't be professional of me to get pissed." but to me it sounded like she was exactly that. May have just been emotional me, too.

comrademoomoo · Nov 18, 2021 at 03:23 PM

It seems very misplaced that she would be pissed off about providing ending sessions, particularly given her prioritising the container aspect of therapy. Ending sessions are an integral part of that container. Has she explained her annoyance about ending sessions? Your fear that she might shout at you (did I read that here or in another thread?) indicates an extreme response on her behalf. It seems weird to me. I mean, I know weird therapists can get angry and behave like loose cannons (oh hi my therapist), but I suppose I had never understood your therapist to be one of them.

ElectricManatee · Nov 18, 2021 at 04:04 PM

I think it's either a sign that the therapist is a loose cannon who has difficulty respecting the client's autonomy OR Artie is having a strong (trauma-influenced?) reaction where she assumes the therapist is incredibly angry when she actually isn't. That would probably be a sign that more healing/therapy is needed, which this therapist isn't clueing into or doesn't know how to help with.

I'm thinking about all the times I was sure that my therapist was completely enraged by emotions when she actually wasn't. It's a lot of times.

unaluna · Nov 18, 2021 at 04:34 PM

I was sooooo exhausted yesterday, i think my bus / flu vaccine excursion tired me out more than i realized. I kinda liked taking my pee medicine overnight - getting out of bed to pee when you are old is practically one's hobby. Halting activities during the day to abscond to the facilities is annoying and disheartening. I feel pretty good today.

Ive been watching Murphy's Law on Acorn, with James Nesbitt. Its pretty good.

ArtieTheSequal · Nov 18, 2021 at 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

It seems very misplaced that she would be pissed off about providing ending sessions, particularly given her prioritising the container aspect of therapy. Ending sessions are an integral part of that container. Has she explained her annoyance about ending sessions? Your fear that she might shout at you (did I read that here or in another thread?) indicates an extreme response on her behalf. It seems weird to me. I mean, I know weird therapists can get angry and behave like loose cannons (oh hi my therapist), but I suppose I had never understood your therapist to be one of them.

it wasn't so much about wanting to end as it was about a comment i made that got the pissed-off-sounding response.

ArtieTheSequal · Nov 18, 2021 at 05:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

I think it's either a sign that the therapist is a loose cannon who has difficulty respecting the client's autonomy OR Artie is having a strong (trauma-influenced?) reaction where she assumes the therapist is incredibly angry when she actually isn't. That would probably be a sign that more healing/therapy is needed, which this therapist isn't clueing into or doesn't know how to help with.

I'm thinking about all the times I was sure that my therapist was completely enraged by emotions when she actually wasn't. It's a lot of times.

Thanks EM. With the distance of a little time I'm beginning to see it now as it really was more frustrated than angry. She's just almost always better at containing (ha see what I did there) her frustration.

I'm probably not done with therapy itself, just, well, want some time away from it and when I decide I'm ready to start again, will start with someone else. There's 1 thing that she has always said she can't really understand or relate to and I'm guessing it would be better worked on with someone else. When I'm ready. And that's very likely the one thing that causes shite like this to happen sometimes.

LonesomeTonight · Nov 18, 2021 at 05:20 PM

Artie, out of curiosity, did you say something critical about her or about how she does therapy? I ask, because that's what happened when ex-MC lashed out at me. When we were in the rupture where I said I loved him, then he said it was OK, but that I needed to talk about that with him or Dr.T. And then I said I wanted to talk about it with him (ex-MC), and he said he thought I should talk about it with Dr. T instead. And then said something about trying to keep clear and consistent boundaries around marriage counseling (this was over text). To which I said something like, "Oh, now you're trying to play the boundary card?" Which is when he called me and was very harsh toward me. I suspect it was because I challenged him and was critical, and he couldn't deal with that, so got not just defensive, but offensive.

Anyway, I was just wondering if something like that could be happening with L? Where you were challenging/questioning/pushing her, and she's not used to that, so she's expressing anger and/or frustration?

Whatever is going on, I hope tomorrow is helpful.

velcro003 · Nov 18, 2021 at 06:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

I'm thinking about all the times I was sure that my therapist was completely enraged by emotions when she actually wasn't. It's a lot of times.

This is a good point. I just spent 3 days convinced my T was mad at me, and it turned out she wasn’t, at all. This is definitely not the first time it has happened. More like the 50th! haha.

ScarletPimpernel · Nov 18, 2021 at 07:37 PM

Maybe it could have been L not containing her emotions? Just because she's a T, and a good T, doesn't make her perfect. Even my L has had a few times where she didn't contain her emotions. Or maybe it was both Artie and L?

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Couch 233: Nothing’s Ghana Stop Us Now

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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,343 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,821 hugs given	Nov 17, 2021 at 09:38 PM #422 Well, I was up at like 3:30 this morning cuz I couldn't sleep so I'm ready for zzzzz's. I think I'm gonna sleep good tonight. Nighty night, couch.

Daffydungle Poohbah Member Since Apr 2020 Location: Nowhere Posts: 1,257 4 451 hugs given	Nov 17, 2021 at 11:45 PM #423 I had to go to an emergeency dentist appointment today and i didnt feel like inwas going to die once it was really weird i only had slight anxiety and didnt feel like i was about to dissociat once. I have no idea what is going on. I did ask if i could hold a book while they worked but i dont think that was it, it helped but i dont think it was all of it.

Quietmind 2 Poohbah Member Since Jan 2020 Location: Somewhere I'm working to leave Posts: 1,243 4 8 hugs given	Nov 18, 2021 at 06:37 AM #426 I feel less alone regarding unhealthy sleep patterns. Ever since gabapentin, I don't have so many nightmares. But lately due to stress and worry, (even with my usual meds), I struggle to sleep, get a few hours, and then wake up early and can't go back to sleep.

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,343 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,821 hugs given	Nov 18, 2021 at 07:58 AM #428 I started taking melatonin again cuz of waking up at 2:30 am too often. Even with the melatonin I confess I cried myself to sleep monday and tuesday nights this week over the L stuff. After we talked yesterday and scheduled the end-processing sessions, I slept peacefully last night.

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,343 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,821 hugs given	Nov 18, 2021 at 01:37 PM #430 And, holy cow! I just heated up a can of progresso chicken tortilla soup for lunch that says it's "medium" but it's super spicy! Tastes good but I'd hate to see what they consider hot! I added a little milk to it to tame it a bit and it helps some but it's still gonna take me my whole lunch break to eat one bowl of it!

velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Nov 18, 2021 at 01:48 PM #431 I also sleep terribly. Lately it has been wake up every two hours. Ugh. Artie-I must confess that I don’t like that L got mad for whatever reason at you on the phone yesterday.

ScarletPimpernel Wise Elder Member Since Nov 2013 Location: US Posts: 8,428 (SuperPoster!) 10 6,454 hugs given	Nov 18, 2021 at 07:37 PM #440 Maybe it could have been L not containing her emotions? Just because she's a T, and a good T, doesn't make her perfect. Even my L has had a few times where she didn't contain her emotions. Or maybe it was both Artie and L? __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica