Couch 234: Ready, Set, Go!

So sorry Scarlet. What a terrible time to lose a job

SK--I would be baffled too if my T didn't respond to my texts about an appt, especially since she initiated it! I hope you hear back from her soon.

My eldest cat Jack has lost his voice, and I hope he is okay. He has been eating still, so I am holding off on calling the vet. I can't wait too long because I am going out of town next week, and there is no way I could do it knowing I had a sick cat at home

Hugs, Velcro. I hope Jack is okay. I wish Rascal had somehow let us know he wasn't feeling well before we left on Saturday... we would not have left either.

But, but... @@, Marlon Brando can we have a movie night instead of reading the book?

I could read it to you as a bedtime story?

Or we could act it out for you?

At least she didn’t recommend The Highly Sensitive Person or some such.

Yeah, it’s so hard with cats, bc they try and hide their pain. My vet told me that with cats they can seem fine, but the. suddenly go downhill. that is all i worry about now. He’s 13. and i’m flying out next week. i don’t know if i can do it a a sick cat.

I just wrote a letter for H begging for his job back... Let's see if that works. It's a bad job, they disrespect him to the point of abuse, they don't pay him enough, but it does bring in some income. Part of me hopes he gets his job back so we have some income, but another part of me doesn't because I want him to take looking for a better job more seriously.

Thankfully, L is reducing her fee by 50% next month AND she's finished writing her part for the single case agreement.

Velcro and Artie - I'm sorry about your cats. I know how precious pets are. I still miss my Fruit. I wait to hear her beg for food every night or to say good morning to her and let her out of her cage.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but your husband doesn't really have a stellar record here. He's frivolous with money when he has it and doesn't have a steady employment record. It seems like you view this situation as you're just along for the ride and when the ship sinks, you have no control and you're going down with it. Can I gently suggest that you rethink that mindset and work towards becoming more of a master of your own fate? I don't know how long it's been since you've been employed, but can you look into re-entering the workforce? You might qualify for some financial aid to go to school if you need to freshen up your skills. Or look into temp work. So many places are looking for employees right now. I think you'd feel more empowered in life if you weren't subject to whatever BS financial decisions your husband is making at the time or whatever he's doing to lose jobs (if it's his fault, which it might be).

Thanks Scarlet. I thought I saw Rascal out the corner of my eye last night, that was hard. This evening when I fed the other two, and realized I didn't have to do an insulin injection I got a little lump in my throat.


Thankful that Stormy (Rascal's brother) seems to be doing fine in his absence. I'm realizing after the fact that Rascal passing at home like he did probably helped Stormy too - he must 'know' or sense or something, and isn't looking for his brother. Like I imagine he would be if we had taken Rascal alive to the vet and then not brought him back home.

I think I found the picture that h wants to print and hang on a wall so I need to get that done.

sending hugs, velcro. i wish our vet had told us that.

Why are nights so hard sometimes? I've been awake since about 3:45am my time and can't go back to sleep. My brain is in a constant loop of beating myself up for leaving Rascal in the first place, then for putting my son in that position (he was taking care of him for us) the guilt for both things keeps taking turns with a big hammer banging against my heart trying to completely break it. I don't know how to forgive myself. I'm sure my son will never forgive me either and that hurts even more than the rest. I keep telling myself that we didn't know how sick Rascal really was, the vet didn't even know, so how were we supposed to know? But it's not helping. I know there's no answers here.

I'm gonna go try to find something to watch on TV.

Hugs, Artie. I tend to have a lot of trouble sleeping, too, which mainly shows itself as being awake for stretches in the middle of the night. It's difficult to turn my mind off once it starts. I do sometimes use a sleep meditation that's available in the FitBit Premium app, but I'm sure there are free ones available on YouTube (or one of those other meditation apps). That helps sometimes.

Artie, there is nothing for your son to forgive. Truly. I'm sure he loved Rascal, and he will miss him, but this wound will heal. He understands that you didn't say, "oh, it looks like Rascal is doing really poorly, let's skip town and leave Son to deal with it by himself." That being the case, there is nothing to forgive.

Even if there were some wrongdoing here, it is just not accurate to believe that your son "will never forgive you." You didn't stand up at his wedding and call his new wife a wh0re or drive drunk with his baby in the car or set his house on fire or do anything truly awful!!!

Like you say, you didn't know there was anything wrong with Rascal. You need to forgive yourself, because I'm sure Rascal is not holding a grudge against you or your husband now. He's at peace. And as someone else said, it may have eased the process for him. Give yourself some grace and remember all the good times you had with Rascal, and honor his memory.

Sent from my SM-G998U using Tapatalk

I tried to quote LT, but it wasn't working. Anyway, I like meditations by Michael Sealey on YouTube. His voice is so relaxing! They are quite long, but that's okay if I fall asleep midway, all to the good!

Sent from my SM-G998U using Tapatalk

I'll have to look those up! I do find that the person's voice has to be relaxing. I tried one once where the person's voice just put me on edge for some reason (don't recall the name).

As George Takei would say, oh my!
Yeah, i am funniest when i am miserable
I hope the winter holiday gives you some respite from this battle.

Thanks LT and Mobius. I fell back asleep on the couch watching an old episode of the cosby show and just woke up again. I'm feeling better, made the decision before I fell back asleep that I'm forgiving myself and moving forward. Continuing to beat myself up isn't going to undo anything that's already happened except one thing: if I continue this guilt spiral, I'll start overeating again, and gain back all the weight I've lost since July. I can't, I won't, let that happen. You're right, my son is a smart man, he knows that we didn't do it on purpose and that sometimes **** just happens. We honestly would not have left, if Rascal had been acting any kind of weird. He ate normally the morning we left, was acting like his usual self, so we didn't even consider he could be on his last few days.

This sounds a lot healthier approach Artie than the guilt you have been feeling. Rascal knew how much you loved him and he is somewhere safe and out of pain now. Maybe he went when he did to spare you the pain of losing him in your arms. Hope you can feel a little better. I know it is so hard. I miss my Esther every day. Still have the insulin in the fridge too.

Still no word from my T, Julieanne. I'm going to forget about it (if I can) this week, and text her next week. I'm now just really worried something bad has happened to her. She didn't seem like a flake but what do I really know about the woman after two sessions?

Art - what would you have done if you had been there? Gone to the vet? To what purpose. I think that letting a pet go peacefully at home is a lot better than hauling them places to be handled and so on just to be put down is not a better thing. I have only had a few pets who were able to go peacefully at home and I was very grateful that they could pass like that rather than me having to take them somewhere to be put out of pain.

That's really too bad—I would assume that something is going on that makes it difficult for her to answer. Phone lost or stolen, travel, family issues, something like that. Maybe try emailing instead of texting?

Thanks, yeah I am really at a loss. In 15 + years of therapy this has never happened to me before.


I know she has some health issues. She told me that when I started seeing her and she said sometimes it gets in the way. So I am worried about her health. Like maybe she is in the hospital or something. Some hospitals have really crappy reception and you aren't able to text or maybe she just is feeling that bad. I don't know. Or maybe she is just a flake and I didn't pick up on it in our two sessions. She seemed to be really engaged with me though.


Since I am not in crisis, I'm thinking I'll just let it go this week, as puzzled as I am. Next week maybe I will text first, since that is her preference, and then if I don't hear, I'll email. And if I don't hear, I'll call. After that if I don't hear I guess it's back to the drawing board and looking for a new therapist, again. I don't want to because I like her but this situation has left me non-plussed.

Thanks Kit and hugs back . I still have Rascal's insulin in the fridge too.

It's not as easy to just go out and get a job or go back to school. Maybe it's easy for those who are able to function in a job and/or are already in the work force. I have never held down a full-time job and I haven't had a job in 19 years. I was on disability and section 8 housing before I met H. I gave that up when we got married. It's not laziness or playing victim.