Couch 234: Ready, Set, Go!

I mean, surely everyone wants life to be perfect. I think maybe your issue is that you don't just want that, you expect it and then feel like you've failed since perfection just isn't attainable. Maybe?

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting happy endings. One might need to accept it is a fantasy -but it can be a happy fantasy.

Wow i wish oir postal service would give away 4 rapid covid tests if you asked

Well, it’s our postal service, so they’re bound to screw up the shipping.

Isnt that a feature of postal services worldwide? I habe always had parcels for people in the next street delivered but i am on the corner and numbering in the street isnt sequential so i think in frustration they just toss it over my fence

It could just mean you're an idealist rather than a realist. And there's nothing wrong with that, at least to me, as I'm one as well. It just means that you might get let down more often than someone who's a realist.

It's an area where I find I clash with Dr. T at times, because I'm more idealistic, whereas he's realistic, almost harshly so at times.

Speaking as a realist/cynic, I get disappointed and let down just as much as an idealist. It’s just a different way of dealing with it.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist (or Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist) according to George Carlin. The first therapist I ever hired said she thought that summed me up.
I disagreed with her, of course.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Not in the abstract, no. But if it affects one’s life negatively in some way, I can see why a therapist would bring it up.

Ah, that makes sense.

The poll potential is strong with this one...

But im.not awake yet!

Has anyone ever accidentally taken an extra BC pill? Last night, I was worried I had forgotten to take my BC that morning. I decided to take a pill just in case because the last thing I need at the moment is my period. I took the BC as usual this morning. I am now a completely mess. Crying and feeling really hypersensitive to the slightest hint of criticism.

Just had something at work and I feel borderline psychotic in my reaction. Like I'm making really wild interpretations to phrasing that my rational mind thinks is completely insane. I don't want to be identified by any colleagues so I can't describe what happened but I'm pretty sure I'm being extremely paranoid and irrational.

I guess I just thought maybe taking an extra BC pill, and also taking today's like 12 hours later, maybe has caused me to go off the rails a bit? I'm really hoping that's what it is.

Then again, I'm worrying that it's the wellbutrin which I recently started and have been increasing every few weeks.

Has anybody gone through something like this?

HUGS susannah, I have zero experience with BC and zero experience with Wellbutrin. Can you call your pharmacist and ask them? I would think they would be a knowledgeable resource and often easier to get ahold of than the doctor. Or do one of those Zoom Doc appointments? HUGS

I'm pretty sure now that it's the wellbutrin. I have been ignoring or just not putting things together. I have a really hard time identifying anxiety even when it's intense. Usually has to rise to all out panic or fear before I realize what's going on. I wouldn't have identified it now except I knew this was a risk of the wellbutrin.

But it adds up. I take the wellbutrin in the morning. This week I've been finding it inconceivable that I could get out of bed until the evening. Then I feel better. Depressed but not completely frozen. I do my cleaning and eat something. Still some anxiety, enough to prevent me from doing anything enjoyable, but not nearly as bad.

Also explains why I haven't been able to enjoy watching TV when I enjoyed that very much just last week. Thinking of turning on the TV now feels intensely irritating and like it would really grate on my nerves, specifically the noise. I feel like an idiot for noticing I've been feeling that way and not realizing it's because I'm really on edge. I mean, when you're really anxious and overstimulated, it's typical (for me at least) to feel really irritated by additional stimulation. Even somebody saying a few words can make you want to bite their head off.

Also I was asked by my parent if I'm really busy at work just now. I said no and apparently I looked really hassled.

Emailed my psychiatrist.

So today was one for the books and also illustrated why universities should not try to teach in two modalities simultaneously during a pandemic.

First my small class was on Zoom because 50% out sick.

Then I realize I left my thumb drive with the second class's lecture at home. No time to go get it, so I hastily throw together what was (embarrassingly) likely a better lecture in 45 minutes.

Then in my second class I have 20% students on Zoom because sick. But...the room mics gave constant high-pitched feedback. When they were on, the students there couldn't hear me. When they were off, the students on Zoom couldn't hear me. I couldn't just forego Zoom because a student on there had a presentation to give today. So I ended up stopping class early, then going to my office to record the lecture (and the presenting student recorded her presentation) and posted them all on the course website.

After that, I had an appointment with Visa, who is quarantining at home waiting for COVID test results. It was not productive--not her fault, my mind was just going everywhere after my morning.

And now I am home and drinking salted caramel whisky.

That sounds exhausting @@. And frustrating.

I finally assembled the cat tree. It was rather involved. My right hand is raw from screwing stuff in.

Wellbutrin increased my anxiety, too. I'm glad you were able to figure out what it was. If the lower dose was helping, without the anxiety, maybe you could go back to that? Or you might need to just try something else. I'm really sensitive to meds, so it's difficult for me to find something that helps without the side effects making it worse/causing a different problem (I'm not currently on any psych meds for that reason, but I think I need to get back on something for depression).

It was interesting, when I was at the county clinic they did like a dna liver test(?) that explained how each psych med was absorbed. It said which ones probably won't work and which ones I'd be sensitive to. It was pretty accurate based upon my past experiences with different meds.

Yeah, my psychiatrist when I was in school wanted to do that, but my insurance refused to tell me if they'd cover it. My finances were stretched too thin, mostly from therapy, to risk it.

I emailed my psychiatrist and proposed either going back down to 150mg or reducing my Adderall or taking the Adderall in two doses per day instead of all at once. She said to try reducing the Adderall.

I'm kind of nervous about this since I'm very physically dependent on the Adderall. But it's possible that the Wellbutrin will compensate enough for that.

I guess I'll find out tomorrow. And even if I do feel the loss, it won't be much worse than what I'm going through as it is.

I'm getting my wisdom teeth taken out on Friday, and am freaking out. I hate the dentist SO much, and have been avoiding this for 20 years.

My boys' classes have all been like that. Lots of people out, trying to juggle Zoom and in person at the same time. Eldest has one professor who threw in the towel and went all virtual. Not anyone's fault, really, but it's kind of a sh**show.