[Brown Owl 2]

My third to last session with the T that I stopped seeing over a year ago was absolutely awful. At that time, I had looked back over some ruptures that had occurred between me and the T. I had reflected that when we had the ruptures, I had brought them up for discussion at the next session, and had gone away from that next session feeling absolutely awful. Looking back I reflected that it had been really difficult for me to bring things up with my t (I had emotional neglect as a child and as a child learnt to bury emotions and never challenge anything). I realised that I hadn’t really discussed with my T how I’d felt after those next sessions. I decided to bring this up, along with the feelings of intense shame that I had when my T responded to what I brought up by giving a super clever analysis of her understanding of how my current feelings linked to my childhood (I didn’t put it like that to her), but I wanted her not do that, but to give more space for my understanding.

During this third to last session, the T basically challenged everything I said. I cried, to which she said ‘therapy is tough, I’ve been through this too’. She rejected everything I said. After the session, I was numb for about 36 hours. After that I began experiencing unbearable emotions, I also had a physical reaction which I don’t want to write, but which often came up for me in therapy when my trauma feelings were triggered. I think that her challenging me was a direct repeat of what happened to me as a child. It was traumatic for me to bring these things up with my T and have it all rejected. I felt a depth of shame and humiliation that was traumatic and was related to how hard it was to bring these things up and how I had only done so because I thought it would be safe.

I decided that I couldn’t continue seeing her, but I worried that if I stopped immediately that I was going to feel absolutely awful, and that the feelings would stay for me for much longer than if I did a planned ending and transitioned to another T. For this reason I went back for two more (wasted) sessions. I mentioned the physical feelings that had come up, and linked these to trauma, she made a dismissive comment, suggesting that perhaps they were unrelated to the session. I didn’t say anything about the intense feelings that were linked to them as I’d lost all trust in her, and I thought that talking about it with her would make it worse.

It’s only now, over a year later, that I can write about that session. I had to not think about it.

If the T were to read this, I’m sure she wouldn’t recognize herself. I think she has absolutely no idea that this happened. On her profile she states that is experienced with trauma and does safe therapy.

I find it hard to make sense of what happened. I’m doing well now. As I said in a previous post, I’m no longer having therapy, my feelings have all re-buried themselves. I have a job I love and a good life. The therapy is now just a memory., though I still have trouble sleeping.

I hope it will have been therapeutic to write about this here. It’s all bottled up inside me and I doubt I’ll ever tell anyone this story in real life. I hope people reply to this post.

[Just42dayK]

I am sorry you went through and are having to deal with that. It sounds incredibly painful. What a betrayal!
I hope you can find healing and peace around this in whatever form you need.

[Etcetera1]

Originally Posted by Brown Owl 2

If the T were to read this, I’m sure she wouldn’t recognize herself. I think she has absolutely no idea that this happened. On her profile she states that is experienced with trauma and does safe therapy.

I find it hard to make sense of what happened. I’m doing well now. As I said in a previous post, I’m no longer having therapy, my feelings have all re-buried themselves. I have a job I love and a good life. The therapy is now just a memory., though I still have trouble sleeping.

I hope it will have been therapeutic to write about this here. It’s all bottled up inside me and I doubt I’ll ever tell anyone this story in real life. I hope people reply to this post.

I'm so sorry. This is exactly why there should be a regular, objective evaluation of the signs of how the client is doing and then based on that evaluation, feedback provided to the therapist (and client), again in a regular fashion. But what articles I've read about this noted this feedback system hasn't yet widely been put into practice because it might offend some therapists having to see objective feedback of progress or the lack of progress....

I am telling you all this so you maybe will understand it a little better and not blame ANY of it on yourself. You did nothing wrong. The therapist and/or her approach "just" was not a good match for you. And that has nothing to do with you being "suitable" or "not suitable" for therapy, either. Therapies in general still have to be improved a LOT.

[RoxanneToto]

Yes, therapy can be tough, but the T shouldn’t be making things worse for you by being dismissive etc. Talk about needing therapy to recover from therapy! I’m sorry you had this experience. My current T is great, but I have had a few lame Ts before. So glad I don’t see them now!

[ElectricManatee]

I'm so sorry that you were re-traumatized by therapy. I've been there, and it sucks.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm sorry you went through such a betrayal. I also have been retraumatised by therapy. It absolutely stinks! Therapists should NOT be dismissive like that. It would not be ''helpful'' for anyone.

[susannahsays]

I'm really not a fan of her saying she's "been through this too." Because it's like, and? What's your point? It seems like a sneaky way to dismiss your feelings.

[Brown Owl 2]

Originally Posted by Etcetera1

I'm so sorry. This is exactly why there should be a regular, objective evaluation of the signs of how the client is doing and then based on that evaluation, feedback provided to the therapist (and client), again in a regular fashion. But what articles I've read about this noted this feedback system hasn't yet widely been put into practice because it might offend some therapists having to see objective feedback of progress or the lack of progress....

I am telling you all this so you maybe will understand it a little better and not blame ANY of it on yourself. You did nothing wrong. The therapist and/or her approach "just" was not a good match for you. And that has nothing to do with you being "suitable" or "not suitable" for therapy, either. Therapies in general still have to be improved a LOT.

Thanks for taking the time to post, that’s an interesting idea to have objective evaluation, I haven’t heard that idea before.

You said: ‘the therapist and/or their approach ‘just’ was not a good match for you’. I kind of felt that in that statement you were exonerating the therapist from having any responsibility in the situation.

[Etcetera1]

Originally Posted by Brown Owl 2

Thanks for taking the time to post, that’s an interesting idea to have objective evaluation, I haven’t heard that idea before.

No problem

You said: ‘the therapist and/or their approach ‘just’ was not a good match for you’. I kind of felt that in that statement you were exonerating the therapist from having any responsibility in the situation.

That wasn't my intention whatsoever. I wanted you to not feel like you have to take blame for any of it is what I was writing about.

I don't know enough about the therapist or therapies really to know where exactly to put responsibility with the therapist so I stayed with generalities like that instead of analysing in depth about what she may have done wrong (other than what others already said).

What I meant by it was that this therapist did not at all seem to be able to read you and your feelings or relate to you to have enough empathy for you.

What the reason for that would be that is what I don't know so I can't say more than, she was not a good match for you. Sure she could also have been malicious beyond that but I won't be able to tell from this much.

In general I actually highly doubt that most therapists know how to have enough empathy for most clients, unless it's a good enough match & expertise. They don't have to be actively malicious or have other bad intention to fail at having enough empathy. But those therapists also exist too, yes.