My therapists client

Mountaindewed · Feb 20, 2022 at 06:10 PM

I am normally the first one my therapist sees but the other day my T was 5 minutes late and then finally she and this girl came out. I had no idea how old the girl was. She could have been 12 or late teens. Her mom was on the other side of the room and based on that and the time I'm guessing she was a school age kid. But she just like stood in front of me for a few seconds and looked at me. My therapist was off to the side watching things and looking at my mom. The girls mom was doing paperwork. Finally my therapist asked me if I was ready and I jumped up.

I know I shouldn't be freaked out by a 12-15 year old girl but I found the situation to be unsettling and I wasn't sure how to ask my therapist about it. My mom said the girl was just confused because she couldnt find her mom.

But did she mean anything the way she looked at me? And why was my therapist watching us like that?

ScarletPimpernel · Feb 20, 2022 at 06:27 PM

I hate running into any therapist's clients, and I let them know it too. I enter the waiting room 3mins before my session time so that they'll hopefully be gone by then. Once with L, I saw her client leave and I think I threw a little fit.

I wouldn't worry about the girl. But I would talk to your T about your experience and feelings. Your T can't tell you anything about the girl, but she should help you process what happened.

Salmon77 · Feb 20, 2022 at 06:33 PM

It always feels awkward to me when I run into my therapist's other clients. Especially if they're regular clients and I see them a few times, then I start to feel competitive with them. It might be interesting for you to talk to your T about how it felt for you.

I'd also be a little irritated if my T was running late.

LonesomeTonight · Feb 20, 2022 at 07:56 PM

Agreed on the awkwardness of running into other clients. I suppose that's one positive of virtual sessions? (which I'm still doing--hoping to be back in person soon!) I was particularly bothered once when I saw my former marriage counselor hug someone, as to my knowledge, he didn't allow hugs. Also, when I was dealing with some erotic (and paternal) transference, and he walked out a late teens/early 20s girl who was dressed a bit provocatively. And another time when he greeted a client in the lobby by touching his knee.

Anyway, I'd bring it up with your therapist. That sounds especially awkward, what happened in the waiting room with the other client.

SummerTime12 · Feb 20, 2022 at 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Also, when I was dealing with some erotic (and paternal) transference, and he walked out a late teens/early 20s girl who was dressed a bit provocatively.

I feel you on this. With my last t who I was attracted to, I HATED it the 2 times I saw an attractive female client leaving his office lol. Usually it was a guy, older lady, or kid, none of which bothered me.

@Mountaindewed I think it’s normal to be a bit thrown off, especially since you’re not accustomed to seeing her other clients. Perhaps the girl was staring at you because she’s not used to it either and it also threw her off?

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Pinny · Feb 20, 2022 at 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

@Mountaindewed I think it’s normal to be a bit thrown off, especially since you’re not accustomed to seeing her other clients. Perhaps the girl was staring at you because she’s not used to it either and it also threw her off?

I completely agree with you, @SummerTime12

But I also agree that you should talk to your therapist, @Mountaindewed. It might help you process things

I saw a couple of my therapists clients, but only brief glimpses as the waiting room was away from the exit.

Lostislost · Feb 20, 2022 at 08:57 PM

I don't like seeing his other clients because I imagine they are all 'better' clients than me. I also wish our relationship was special somehow, and when I am reminded that he has other clients, it reminds me how very not special I am.

comrademoomoo · Feb 21, 2022 at 06:58 AM

It is very common for 12-15 year old girls to feel self-conscious. She might have felt awkward about the fact that you were looking at her. I know at her age, I despised men looking at me (in fact, I still do). Maybe you freaked her out as much as she freaked you out.

LonesomeTonight · Feb 21, 2022 at 09:07 AM

It's also possible you look a bit like someone she knows (or used to know), and she was trying to figure out if you were that person. I have some degree of "face blindness" (where I can have trouble recognizing people--masks certainly don't help with that!), so sometimes I find I'm almost staring at someone trying to figure out if I know them.

Etcetera1 · Feb 21, 2022 at 11:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Salmon77

It always feels awkward to me when I run into my therapist's other clients. Especially if they're regular clients and I see them a few times, then I start to feel competitive with them. It might be interesting for you to talk to your T about how it felt for you.

I'd also be a little irritated if my T was running late.

Mind me asking what you mean by feeling competitive? Like, what's the competition about? (Curiosity, to understand more)

Jesla · Feb 21, 2022 at 11:51 AM

She was probably self conscious and worrying about what you thought of her.. thats probably all.

I hate being around my therapists other clients. I always worry she likes them better than me.

LonesomeTonight · Feb 21, 2022 at 07:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Etcetera1

Mind me asking what you mean by feeling competitive? Like, what's the competition about? (Curiosity, to understand more)

Not the OP, but for me, it's fear that the T likes that client more than me for whatever reason. For example, they're more compliant, don't ask personal questions, don't get upset if he takes time off, don't question why he reacts in certain ways, don't read into what he's saying, etc.

ScarletPimpernel · Feb 21, 2022 at 09:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Not the OP, but for me, it's fear that the T likes that client more than me for whatever reason. For example, they're more compliant, don't ask personal questions, don't get upset if he takes time off, don't question why he reacts in certain ways, don't read into what he's saying, etc.

That's a huge fear of mine too. That another client is more special, gets more time or love, etc. For me it's because I was never good enough in my family to get attention. The older sister or younger sister was favored over me. So I get jealous of L's other people especially clients (and her H).

Salmon77 · Feb 22, 2022 at 11:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Etcetera1

Mind me asking what you mean by feeling competitive? Like, what's the competition about? (Curiosity, to understand more)

Basically I want to be the best, most interesting and most important client, and if I see other clients a lot I start to get anxious about it and compare myself with them, despite not knowing much about them.

Mountaindewed · Feb 22, 2022 at 02:24 PM

Yeah I feel the same way sometimes about competing. Especially since she was late and was with the girl 5 minutes into my session and then ended my own session on time. So I missed out on 5 minutes of my time that her other client got instead.

Mountaindewed · Feb 23, 2022 at 11:25 AM

She was late again. The girl came out and I tried not to look at her but yeah she was pretty young and was very nervous and my therapist had to tell her it was ok to go over to her mom because she was just frozen. Then my therapist asked if I was ready and I went in. I mentioned last week and my therapist said she was just looking around and asked if I felt anxious or whatever about the situation. I said I just like to be aware of my surrondings. But the girl definitely just seemed very nervous today. At the end of my session I asked my therapist what time it was and asked if we ended early because she took me in late. She was confused and then apogolized for never telling me the sessions were 45 minutes long. I thought they were an hour long. She told me thanks for bringing it up and that next week I'll be the first client again it was just a 2 week thing with this client

But yeah, I did get a little breif wave of jealously when she was interacting with her super anxious client and telling her it was ok to go to her mom.

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Salmon77 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2014 Location: PNW Posts: 1,394 10 106 hugs given	Feb 20, 2022 at 06:33 PM #3 It always feels awkward to me when I run into my therapist's other clients. Especially if they're regular clients and I see them a few times, then I start to feel competitive with them. It might be interesting for you to talk to your T about how it felt for you. I'd also be a little irritated if my T was running late.
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Lostislost Veteran Member Member Since May 2020 Location: Uk Posts: 558 4 890 hugs given	Feb 20, 2022 at 08:57 PM #7 I don't like seeing his other clients because I imagine they are all 'better' clients than me. I also wish our relationship was special somehow, and when I am reminded that he has other clients, it reminds me how very not special I am.
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comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,827 5	Feb 21, 2022 at 06:58 AM #8 It is very common for 12-15 year old girls to feel self-conscious. She might have felt awkward about the fact that you were looking at her. I know at her age, I despised men looking at me (in fact, I still do). Maybe you freaked her out as much as she freaked you out.
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LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 21,585 (SuperPoster!) 9 76.1k hugs given	Feb 21, 2022 at 09:07 AM #9 It's also possible you look a bit like someone she knows (or used to know), and she was trying to figure out if you were that person. I have some degree of "face blindness" (where I can have trouble recognizing people--masks certainly don't help with that!), so sometimes I find I'm almost staring at someone trying to figure out if I know them.
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Jesla Member Member Since Jan 2022 Location: Nowhere Posts: 44 2 2 hugs given	Feb 21, 2022 at 11:51 AM #11 She was probably self conscious and worrying about what you thought of her.. thats probably all. I hate being around my therapists other clients. I always worry she likes them better than me.
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Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 38,645 (SuperPoster!) 8 9,695 hugs given	Feb 22, 2022 at 02:24 PM #15 Yeah I feel the same way sometimes about competing. Especially since she was late and was with the girl 5 minutes into my session and then ended my own session on time. So I missed out on 5 minutes of my time that her other client got instead. __________________ I'm Blue
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