[East17]

So after abrupt ending with ill-T last year, I've been working with another T since October. A few times I have felt as though we've clicked and I wanted to work with her long-term, but more often than not, I leave the session feeling either worse/upset/not heard/rushed or a combination of any or all of these. I'm starting to think that the ok-sessions are not quite making up for the crap sessions.

I always look at a T's profile picture if there is one, to see if they seem approachable or not, and she looked quite warm and welcoming. We do have life experiences in common and she does share personal information if it's related to those experiences. But I'm finding a mismatch between what she says and what I'm perceiving to be true (we've never met and work over zoom). I realise it's more difficult to get a real sense of someone when working over the internet and it could just be that my gut-feeling is off; but having been with her for 5 months now, I'd have thought that was enough time to establish whether I really feel comfortable working with her long-term.

How do others test out a new T; are there any specific criteria they need to meet, or do you just 'wing it' and see what feels right?

[ScarletPimpernel]

I'd say trust your gut. If it's not working out with this T, don't waste anymore time on her.

I did that with a few Ts including ex-T. We were always having problems, but she had me believing that it was my fault. Plus with my attachment, I stayed.

I didn't have many criteria for a T. I guess my only criteria I had was allowing hugs and being female. I almost worked with a male T when T went on maternity leave, but he felt I would do better with L. And I was instantly attached to her.

I also have realized that pictures help, but don't tell the full story of a person. I thought ex-T looked perfect for me, but she wasn't. And if I saw the pictures of some of my other Ts, I don't think I would have chosen them.

I think you can gauge better by their voice and what they say...or if you are able to, be with them in-person. I know with L, her voice was very soothing and she had a lot of expression in her fluctuations. Also, the very first thing she said to me, she asked me how I was feeling. I instantly felt like she actually cared about my situation, not just taking me on because I got switched to her.

Otherwise, yes, I just wing it.

[ArtleyWilkins]

The therapists I didn't stay with I gave 3 to 6 sessions before I moved on. That was enough time to decide yay or nay for me. I didn't have time or money to waste on a therapist that didn't work right for me.

The therapists I worked with long-term, I honestly knew from the very first session that they were going to work well for me.

Trust your gut. If it isn't feeling right still after 5 months, it may be time to look for a different therapist.

[Mountaindewed]

I normally give them a couple months to see if they are working or not. I saw one last year for 12 sessions. 8 were virtual and she seemed off from the start but I was in the process of moving so I wanted to see what she was like in person. Once I moved and after 4 in person sessions I realized she was the same as she was virtually. So I left.

[East17]

I've never been a very good judge of character and I suppose I've been trying too hard to make it work when it's likely never going to get any better than just ok.

I've stuck it out longer than I should have because part of me felt I was doing her a disservice in comparing her to ex-T and wanted to give her a fair go before admitting defeat.

I think part of it was also the dreaded thought of having to start all over again looking for someone else. There's a stubborn part of me that is having trouble accepting that I'll never see or work with ex-T again and no one else comes close in matching up to her.

Setting myself up to fail before I even start.

[ScarletPimpernel]

When ex-T abandoned me, I for some reason held onto hope that she'd accept me back even if it was just for closure. I was only with T because I needed someone, but was still waiting for ex-T. I was so resistant to T. Until one day I told her I hated her. She told me that saying that makes it really hard for her to want to work with me. That was like an ah-ha moment. So I started giving her a chance. It also helped (not saying it was positive) that ex-T just wasn't willing to help me in anyway.

My point is that it's okay that you're comparing your T with your ex-T. What's most important is that you recognize that you're doing that. And know that no one will be the same as her. In fact they might be better. It's just my opinion, but giving a T a chance is really good and healthy. But if you just aren't clicking, that's okay.

[Rive.]

I would give them between 3 to 5 sessions (5 being generous).

How to test a new T? Listen to your guts, your felt sense of T, the connection you feel to them as a person. And also IF you can work with the boundaries they set - I think that is equally important as some may be deal-breakers.

And yes, 5 months is a long time to not feel a connection. I would say time to move on..

[Lemoncake]

I trust my gut feeling and I'd suggest the same for you too..

One T was good for the free intro session, but for the first paid he admitted he was lost.

Hypnotherapist -Two sessions

Found new T after 7 months. He feels right.