How to start talking about something that makes you feel anxious

I want to tell my T about something that got to me the last time we met, but I’m anxious it’s quite silly and that he’ll think I’m being an idiot. I wrote it down and I think that once I get going, it’ll be ok, but I’m not sure how to get over the initial fear and start talking. Does anyone have any encouraging stories of when you worried your T would judge you, but things turned out well? I’ve been seeing him for almost 5 years, I’m not even sure why I feel so nervous and embarrassed in the first place.

I emailed my T something that was uncomfortable for me to talk about. After that whenever I'd want to talk about it I would say "you know that awkward thing?" And she would know what I was talking about and her face would show zero judgement.

I ought to have a bunch of stories, but my mind is drawing a complete blank right now. But yes, I've had similar conversations with my T. And they are hard. Sometimes my throat closes and I literally cannot get the words out. Generally what helps is sending him an email in advance, letting him know I have something hard to talk about and that there's a good chance I will try to avoid it in session, and asking him to be encouraging, and also gentle with me. Then in session, I will talk about talking about it. I might say some of what you said above, "I'm anxious about talking about it. I'm worried you'll think it's silly and that I'm being an idiot." I might say that even I think I'm being ridiculous, and that I've tried to let it go, but I just can't, that it keeps poking at me. And then, if I need him to be a particular way, I'll say that, "I'm afraid you'll be defensive, and I really need you to be gentle with me." Sometimes I will say something like, "I know this reaction is related to things in my past, but it FEELS like it's about what happened now, and I need to talk about the here and now and resolve things before I'm able to look at the past."

I've done this as well. Either emailed him and said what the specific thing was or just said something like "I need to talk about a certain thing tomorrow, but am anxious about it and worried what you'll think of me. Can you help me bring it up?"

I've also checked in with him before after a session where I shared something that I felt embarrassed and/or ashamed about, asking something like, "Are you still OK with what we talked about?" And he'd simply reply "All is well on my end." And that helped.

If email isn't an option and you're meeting in person, you could hand him something saying that at the start. Or if you're remote, you could type it in the chat (if the program offers that)--I did that once on Zoom for something I was ashamed to say out loud.

I think it can definitely help to say right at the beginning (or in an email/note) "I'm afraid this is silly and that you'll think I'm an idiot" (to use your words). Then your T is likely to reassure you or at least to be more gentle.

ETA: A sort of funny story about the Zoom chat one. I really thought I hadn't told my T about this one detail before and was making this big deal about "I'm worried you'll judge me and think I'm disgusting." When...apparently I'd already told him a couple years ago! I must have completely blocked it out.

I've been in this situation before. I think the pre session email can help if it's possible. I wasn't able to do that at the time I had this concern. What I did do was acknowledge how I felt (nervous anxious, embarrassed, or whatever emotion I felt) and I know its ok to feel this way. I want so help with this so I feel less anxious, nervous, etc.

I haven't felt any judgement from my T since realizing I was judging myself (and punishing/self sabotaging). I am a harsher critic of myself than anyone else is. And anyone who treats me too harshly is not worth my time or energy.

Good luck. A deep breath can help too.

'T, I would like to talk about something but I am feeling anxious' is a good conversation starter.

You don't have to plunge directly into the 'thing', you can explore the fear leading to said topic. This might ease talking about the topic.

Ha! This just happened to me this week. My T said something about me thinking that she smells good (it made sense in context, I promise!) and I was like, "I've never said that! ...out loud..." Apparently I did, several years ago.

Haha, that's funny! Thanks for sharing.