[velcro003]

For those of you who suscribe to the attachment theory, do you know what attachment style you are and/or how it effects your adult life?

I assumed I was on the avoidant side, because I do avoid relationships. I also have high anxiety about them when I am close to anyone, mostly with the exception of my friends that I've had for 20 years.

My T mentioned the other day that I have the "disorganized" attachment style. I have heard of it, but never read much about it. I found this link

Possible trigger:

The Attachment Project: Learn Attachment Theory from Experts,

and if you like quizzes, there is a handy one! It did tell me I had a disorganized attachment style.

It makes me nervous because I know it is the hardest one to treat.

I don't know what I want out of this thread, just to talk about attachment in general and see what everyone else thinks of it

[stopdog]

I just got avoidant again - I usually get avoidant on those tests. I think the one I hired mentioned it but as she couldn't give me any reason I would want to not be it, I did not tend to talk to her about it. I have relationships that are fine.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I just got avoidant again - I usually get avoidant on those tests. I think the one I hired mentioned it but as she couldn't give me any reason I would want to not be it, I did not tend to talk to her about it. I have relationships that are fine.

That seems like that would fit you. And there is no need to talk about relationships if you have no problem with them. (Whew, I almost added an exclamation point there)

[stopdog]

I didn't hire a therapist because of relationships so when the woman started on about it - I was surprised.

[ElectricManatee]

I got anxious/preoccupied, which fits for me. It was honestly a little stressful to actually look at how I felt about my parents then and now. My T just mentioned my attachment style yesterday, although she called me "ambivalent." I would try not to stress too much about your attachment style being a more challenging one to work with. You seem to have two excellent therapists who will give you the time it takes to work things through. I think the fact that you're curious about all this stuff is an excellent sign!

[velcro003]

Thanks EM! You are always so encouraging. You are right that my T's will definitely give me the time it takes to work through all of this. It just feels like I'm climbing a huge mountain with no gear.

[KLL85]

Unsurprisingly I got disorganized. My previous therapist and current therapist both concluded that I had a disorganized attachment style. I hate it as I know it is so hard to change, but my therapist keeps telling me it is not impossible and there is hope. I guess I just have to learn to believe him……

[Quietmind 2]

I'm not surprised I got disorganised attachment. Have known it for some years. It also helps to remind myself that attachment styles can amd do change.

As I read through the quiz, I was also reflecting on my therapist being my "secure base" (which often means she sees me at my most conflicted and disorganized), and the times I had a relatively (to my norm) secure attachment with her and my significant other.

Part of my therapy work (and not everyone has this goal, of course) is for me to heal my attachment disturbances into "earned secure" attachment.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

I got anxious/preoccupied, which fits for me. It was honestly a little stressful to actually look at how I felt about my parents then and now. My T just mentioned my attachment style yesterday, although she called me "ambivalent." I would try not to stress too much about your attachment style being a more challenging one to work with. You seem to have two excellent therapists who will give you the time it takes to work things through. I think the fact that you're curious about all this stuff is an excellent sign!

I'm sure it will not shock anyone that I scored anxious/preoccupied as well. Some of the questions about parents really made me think.

And I agree, Velcro, that you have two great T's. I think much of working on attachment issues can come down to the therapeutic relationship, including how comfortable the T is working in that attachment style.

For me, I'm pretty certain my T (Dr. T) is avoidant, which can often clash with my anxious/preoccupied style--where my instinct is to seek reassurance that I won't be abandoned/rejected, and his seems to be to, well, avoid that. Whereas, despite issues that ultimately arose with him, ex-MC was generally very understanding and accepting of my need for reassurance (though did that just reinforce it? I don't know--and that was a rhetorical question, not trying to derail and make the thread about me!)

ETA: Also, I'll try to find it later if I remember, but there was another quiz I took a while back where the results showed your attachment to various people in your life, like it had each parent, a friend, and a partner (something like that) shown separately on a graph, then one's overall style. It was interesting. I think the idea was, you'd come back and take the quiz again to see whether it had changed.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by velcro003

Thanks EM! You are always so encouraging. You are right that my T's will definitely give me the time it takes to work through all of this. It just feels like I'm climbing a huge mountain with no gear.

Well, in a sense, your T's are the "gear." Or perhaps more like sherpas? But you aren't alone on the mountain.

[unaluna]

Dismissive / avoidant, but i found the test difficult. Like the situations didnt really apply to me.

[StressedMess]

Anxious/Preoccupied. Examining my relationship with my parents (who are long gone) made me really uncomfortable. I would have answered those questions very differently when I was younger. And my last romantic relationship was such a disaster that I will never seek another one. The questions relating to my current situation with peers and friends are much more relevant, but I guess we develop our style earlier in life. I do feel like I'm changing and I'm more secure now.

Sent from my SM-S908U using Tapatalk

[elisewin]

I got secure probably because of the present secure relationships. The caregiver questions were a sad story in the other hand, but still I got secure which I think is correct.

[LostOnTheTrail]

Thanks, Velcro.

I found the test helpful, as I have been wondering about my attachment style.
My result was Dismissive/Avoidant, which is a surprise to me considering that I am creative and express my feelings through that medium. (Although I now realise that means I don't really have to feel them.)

[ElectricManatee]

Originally Posted by elisewin

I got secure probably because of the present secure relationships. The caregiver questions were a sad story in the other hand, but still I got secure which I think is correct.

That's really interesting because my spouse is a great person and our relationship is pretty healthy (i.e., I don't have stress about being attached to her), but I still got anxious/preoccupied overall.

[SlumberKitty]

I got anxious/preoccupied. Not surprising.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

ETA: Also, I'll try to find it later if I remember, but there was another quiz I took a while back where the results showed your attachment to various people in your life, like it had each parent, a friend, and a partner (something like that) shown separately on a graph, then one's overall style. It was interesting. I think the idea was, you'd come back and take the quiz again to see whether it had changed.

If you open up the email the test that OP posted will have that plotted on a graph

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

Thanks, Velcro.

I found the test helpful, as I have been wondering about my attachment style.
My result was Dismissive/Avoidant, which is a surprise to me considering that I am creative and express my feelings through that medium. (Although I now realise that means I don't really have to feel them.)

I have never thought dis/avoid meant no feelings. I find it more that I don't get comfort from other humans - even when I know they are trying -it just annoys the eff out me. Or when they want to moan on about my feelings or their feelings or whatever - I have no idea why anyone finds that useful even though enough people do it constantly for me to believe they must. Or when someone wants to be close to me all the time - ugh go away I need space. OR when someone basically follows behind me saying "do you still love me? do you still love me? ..." -that I am simply boggled over -if I said I loved someone then it is that way until I tell them I don't. That sort of thing.

[LostOnTheTrail]

Thanks, SD. That makes sense.

[*Beth*]

Disorganized and Proccupied and Avoident-Fearful. All 3. Does that mean I get an "A" or an "F"?

[unaluna]

"She likes me! She really likes me!"

Parn me, just having a Gidget moment.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by unaluna

"She likes me! She really likes me!"

Parn me, just having a Gidget moment.

I love it

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Well, in a sense, your T's are the "gear." Or perhaps more like sherpas? But you aren't alone on the mountain.

Aw, thanks LT. That is a good way to look at it.

Originally Posted by unaluna

Dismissive / avoidant, but i found the test difficult. Like the situations didnt really apply to me.

I did feel that way about some of it as well.

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

Thanks, Velcro.

I found the test helpful, as I have been wondering about my attachment style.
My result was Dismissive/Avoidant, which is a surprise to me considering that I am creative and express my feelings through that medium. (Although I now realise that means I don't really have to feel them.)

Your'e welcome, though I think expressing your feelings through art is valid and useful. I use art as well.

Originally Posted by *Beth*

Disorganized and Proccupied and Avoident-Fearful. All 3. Does that mean I get an "A" or an "F"?

I think an A

[East17]

Disorganised / Fearful-Avoidant, which was a surprise, but on reading the explanations it seemed to fit.

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[elisewin]

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

That's really interesting because my spouse is a great person and our relationship is pretty healthy (i.e., I don't have stress about being attached to her), but I still got anxious/preoccupied overall.

Maybe age, kids, easiness to open up or seek support etc. influence it also. To put it simple, my past and caregiver relatioships wete bad, but I have a lot of great relatioships now and I score the opposite end all there. So the result makes a lot of sense to me and was expected. Otherwise it would suggest, that it is impossible to turn out secure after a challenging upbringing?