Are All Clients Equal...or Not?

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed My therapist walked out with her client before me. the client said something to my therapist and my T mumbled an answer back but was just automatically focused on me. I found it interesting how quickly she seemed to forget about this kid. In that moment I was equal. I do think my T is a bit more focused on me at this moment since we are trying to figure some things out. She emailed me tonight about it. But maybe she will just end up dumping me.

If I was a therapist I would have a back door for clients to exit from. I think there are all kinds of potential issues that can occur when clients cross each others' paths. In addition, confidentiality is broken.

You've brought up an excellent point. T's seem to be intrigued and attentive when they have a new client to "figure out." But as therapy progresses it often seems to become just a job for the therapist. At that point, if the client feels like the therapist is treating the client as less interesting/less important don't many clients create crisis (either consciously or unconsciously) to "win back" the attention of the therapist?

Well, mine literally said to me today that if a client is very reliable (like me--I don't no-show, for example), then he'll be more flexible with them about certain things. Like in the current example, I can let him know about a potential time change for my session (depending on my travel plans) with less than 24 hours' notice (I'm scheduled for one time, but now I could potentially be traveling during that time--he offered a later slot, and instead of requiring 24 hours notice, he's saying I can let him know a bit later). So that's one answer to the "are all clients equal?" question for him.

All equally as likely to be screwed over.

I agree.....

I've never created crisises. But I've tried to prove to them that they are looking too deeply into an issue. Mainly I just feel like therapists can be shady back door people who worry about themselves more. I checked out an old therapists facebook page and one of the other therapists posted "if you come back to in person you can get unlimited paid days off." That comment rubbed me the wrong way because it sounded like they could just cancel on their clients whenever they wanted to and take the day off for whatever reason. Idk. I shouldnt be snooping in the first place though.

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Originally Posted by comrademoomoo All equally as likely to be screwed over.

Hah....I'm kinda getting a sense of that....trying to avoid becoming cynical, but... Ten times burned, 11th time shy

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Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight Well, mine literally said to me today that if a client is very reliable (like me--I don't no-show, for example), then he'll be more flexible with them about certain things. Like in the current example, I can let him know about a potential time change for my session (depending on my travel plans) with less than 24 hours' notice (I'm scheduled for one time, but now I could potentially be traveling during that time--he offered a later slot, and instead of requiring 24 hours notice, he's saying I can let him know a bit later). So that's one answer to the "are all clients equal?" question for him.

Yes, that's decent and fair of your t. And good for you for being reliable! That's a big thing in my book.

I'm more referring to therapists being intrigued and stimulated by clients who have a colorful, interesting life story to tell...as opposed to, "My husband is always the one to choose which movie we see and I feel like I have no power." You know, the standard stuff that t's hear 100 times a week.

Yes, I know--mostly just looking at the overall question that's the thread title. But I imagine they do start to sort of internally roll their eyes at clients presenting with certain generic issues.

With my T, yes, I have some parenting issues (among other things), which are likely sort of standard fare, but they're also with a special needs child (autism, plus ADHD and recently diagnosed intellectual disability), so more challenges than the usual "my 11-year-old won't listen to me!". He seems especially interested in that area of my life and is particularly empathetic when I talk about stuff with my D.

I'm not sure if it's potentially due to relating. When I first started seeing him, my ex-T said, "Oh, he also has a kid on the spectrum!" (he used to work in the same practice as her). After a few months, I told him that, and he was (rightly!) bothered that she'd told me that and said how that would have been 7 years ago, so it might not be accurate now. But wouldn't give more info, trying to protect his son's privacy and also not wanting it to interfere with my therapy. Then there was his wife posting in a local Facebook group for kids with special needs (which I told him about, and she left the group)--note that I was in the group before I started seeing him and had no idea she was a member. Some things he's said and ways he's reacted (occasional tears) have led me to believe he has personal experience with some sort of special needs (not necessarily autism) in his son. So that could be part of why he's particularly interested and empathetic with that area?

But I try not to question it too much--it may just be that he's a fellow parent and is empathetic to kid issues due to that or simply that he's interested in it as a psychologist (he does treat some teens/young adults with autism, he's said).

I think even with colorful, interesting life stories, there's still some generic issues? At least, my T seems to have conveyed that's how she gets to the root issues under the chaotic life stories. She says many humans have certain fundamental desires like wanting to have self worth or a sense of belonging (for example, I vaguely remember she said more.)

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I've never created crisises. But I've tried to prove to them that they are looking too deeply into an issue. Mainly I just feel like therapists can be shady back door people who worry about themselves more. I checked out an old therapists facebook page and one of the other therapists posted "if you come back to in person you can get unlimited paid days off." That comment rubbed me the wrong way because it sounded like they could just cancel on their clients whenever they wanted to and take the day off for whatever reason. Idk. I shouldnt be snooping in the first place though.

Geez, nice comment

See, I don't think you were wrong to "snoop." I look at it as being informed. But maybe I'm paranoid, I don't know. But if I am, it's because I've been burned too many times.

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Originally Posted by Quietmind 2 I think even with colorful, interesting life stories, there's still some generic issues? At least, my T seems to have conveyed that's how she gets to the root issues under the chaotic life stories. She says many humans have certain fundamental desires like wanting to have self worth or a sense of belonging (for example, I vaguely remember she said more.)

Yes, I think every person has common human issues. And maybe therapists like to work with more toned-down clients so the therapist doesn't have to work as hard. For example, many t's won't work with personality disorders because it's too demanding. Or they will take on only 2 or 3 clients with pd's.

Also, some Ts only do short-term therapy while others do long-term or both. Some do skills work, others do relational. Some only know certain types (dbt, cbt, etc.). Then some only want to work in a certain area (substance abuse, couples, personality disorders, etc.). It's up to the T who they choose to work with. Each T has their pros and cons. Just as each client does. It's about finding a good match, not necessarily being "interesting enough".

I would snoop too. My first psychiatrist won my trust until he suggested I go to conversion therapy (legal in my country) and invalidated my physical abuse history.

I remember him laughing when he said the invalidating thing about my injuries.

If I had snooped and perhaps found out earlier... sigh.

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Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel Also, some Ts only do short-term therapy while others do long-term or both. Some do skills work, others do relational. Some only know certain types (dbt, cbt, etc.). Then some only want to work in a certain area (substance abuse, couples, personality disorders, etc.). It's up to the T who they choose to work with. Each T has their pros and cons. Just as each client does. It's about finding a good match, not necessarily being "interesting enough".

You make a really good point about therapists specializing.

Yeah something similar happened to me. The one before my current one was very very conserative and far right and at first she seemed ok and then sudddenly "the trans stuff is a bit too much for me" and she almost slipped one time and called me ma'me despite only knowing me as male. She ended up dropping me suddenly and cancelling all our appointments and not switching me to anyone else and she had some BS excuse for doing it but I knew she was just transphobic. I still kind of want to write a review but its been a long time I'm not sure its worth it anymore. I don't normally have issues with therapists its just since I've moved and its been more them then me.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed Yeah something similar happened to me. The one before my current one was very very conserative and far right and at first she seemed ok and then sudddenly "the trans stuff is a bit too much for me" and she almost slipped one time and called me ma'me despite only knowing me as male. She ended up dropping me suddenly and cancelling all our appointments and not switching me to anyone else and she had some BS excuse for doing it but I knew she was just transphobic. I still kind of want to write a review but its been a long time I'm not sure its worth it anymore. I don't normally have issues with therapists its just since I've moved and its been more them then me.

Oooh, I remember when that happened to you. I encourage you to write a review. You would help someone out there.