Couch 239: Cape Coral Couch

SlumberKitty · Sep 01, 2022, 12:46 PM

Nice to see you around, dear Lemon

MobiusPsyche · Sep 01, 2022, 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

Tomato Head? (considering she annoys you)

I vote for Heinz.

Sent from my SM-S908U using Tapatalk

unaluna · Sep 01, 2022, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MobiusPsyche

I vote for Heinz.

Sent from my SM-S908U using Tapatalk

Because "Hunts" will probably get asterisked!

SlumberKitty · Sep 01, 2022, 02:57 PM

I went to my GP yesterday because I have been having shoulder pain. Full disclosure--I have been having shoulder pain for years but I have a high pain tolerance so I just ignored it and figured it was part of getting older. Well, then I started getting numbness and tingling in my arm and thumb. So after a few months of that I thought hmm. Maybe I better take care of it. So I went to my GP yesterday. She said it isn't my shoulder, that it is my neck. She said that my muscles surrounding my neck are really tight and tense. So she showed me some exercises to do, prescribed heat and a muscle relaxant, and then told me to get an x-ray but wait a week to see if these other things help. So okay, I'm glad that there is a plan in place. She said I could take Ibuprofen too if I wanted. She was going to give me a prescription for that but I was like, I can just take OTC.

But while I was there, she always does a mini-psych-eval. So she did that. And she made me show her my arms to make sure there wasn't any self harm. I know she is just trying to take care of me the best that she can but that kind of bothered me.

ScarletPimpernel · Sep 01, 2022, 03:40 PM

I had my session with L this morning. She's going to be on vacation until next Friday. The problem is that I didn't realize that until right now! I knew she was going on vacation, but I thought she was coming back on Tuesday. I'm devastated!!! 1. I would have talked to her about how to plan for this next week and 2. I would have asked to take her giraffe. Now I don't know if I'll even get an extended reminder email! It also sucks because her vacation is right after an abusive episode with H. And she won't be my emergency contact this week. I called her and left a message. I hope she sees it and gets back to me.

LonesomeTonight · Sep 01, 2022, 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I had my session with L this morning. She's going to be on vacation until next Friday. The problem is that I didn't realize that until right now! I knew she was going on vacation, but I thought she was coming back on Tuesday. I'm devastated!!! 1. I would have talked to her about how to plan for this next week and 2. I would have asked to take her giraffe. Now I don't know if I'll even get an extended reminder email! It also sucks because her vacation is right after an abusive episode with H. And she won't be my emergency contact this week. I called her and left a message. I hope she sees it and gets back to me.

Hugs, Scarlet. I'm surprised she didn't say something in the session about it, with her being gone that long. I hope you hear back from her before she goes. And you didn't deserve whatever happened with H, I'm sorry.

ScarletPimpernel · Sep 01, 2022, 06:23 PM

H lost his job! He was laid off today...

Possible trigger:

I am not safe

atisketatasket · Sep 01, 2022, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MobiusPsyche

I vote for Heinz.

Sent from my SM-S908U using Tapatalk

Ooh, Heinz. I like that, having grown up in the state Heinz comes from. There are 57 varieties, you know!

Heinz irritated me so much our second session I basically told her to be quiet and let me do the talking. This has led to her sitting quietly, staring at me with an anxious look and nodding vigorously periodically, which was even more annoying. I finally told her she could talk some.

LonesomeTonight · Sep 01, 2022, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

H lost his job! He was laid off today...

Possible trigger:

I am not safe

I'm so sorry, Scarlet.... Is it possible to talk to L before she leaves? Or maybe to talk to T?

ScarletPimpernel · Sep 01, 2022, 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I'm so sorry, Scarlet.... Is it possible to talk to L before she leaves? Or maybe to talk to T?

I got to talk to L. She helped me safety plan and then meditate. So the plan is to quickly feed H and I, feed dogs, quickly help H with a shower, take my meds including Ativan, do meditation, and go to bed as early as I can. Then when I wake up in the morning, update L by email.

T is hopefully my backup this weekend/week.

And I think I've convinced H for a divorce. Then I can reapply for SSI and get some income.

LonesomeTonight · Sep 01, 2022, 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I got to talk to L. She helped me safety plan and then meditate. So the plan is to quickly feed H and I, feed dogs, quickly help H with a shower, take my meds including Ativan, do meditation, and go to bed as early as I can. Then when I wake up in the morning, update L by email.

T is hopefully my backup this weekend/week.

And I think I've convinced H for a divorce. Then I can reapply for SSI and get some income.

Those all sound like good plans, Scarlet. I hope you're able to get to sleep OK tonight. Sending hugs, if wanted.

RTerroni · Sep 01, 2022, 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

H lost his job! He was laid off today...

Possible trigger:

I am not safe

Sorry to hear that

ScarletPimpernel · Sep 01, 2022, 10:18 PM

T contacted me. She can't really be there this weekend because she's camping. But she'll be there next week. I'll have to ask L if her coworker can be there just for this weekend.

This is so scary and difficult!

ChickenNoodleSoup · Sep 02, 2022, 11:25 AM

To my surprise, T didn't wear a mask today (after wearing one consistently the last two years even when it wasn't mandatory). I'm so happy. It's lovely to see his face.

LonesomeTonight · Sep 02, 2022, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChickenNoodleSoup

To my surprise, T didn't wear a mask today (after wearing one consistently the last two years even when it wasn't mandatory). I'm so happy. It's lovely to see his face.

Glad to hear that! Must have been weird after such a long time.

ChickenNoodleSoup · Sep 02, 2022, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Glad to hear that! Must have been weird after such a long time.

It was a bit, mainly since he didn't announce it beforehand at all and I still wore my mask the whole time (I didn't ask to take it off). But I did take some photos the last two sessions before covid, so I knew what he looks like in his room and everything. He might have lost some weight around the chin, I'm not sure yet since I don't tend to look at him for more than 10 or 20 seconds per session...

ScarletPimpernel · Sep 02, 2022, 02:25 PM

My sister sent me the divorce papers. Now I just need to fill them out and get H to sign. He said wait a week or two to see if he can get a job. I really want a divorce. 1. Get back on SSI and Medi-Cal 2. Makes it easier if I do leave him. And if I get on Medi-Cal, the bariatric surgery is completely covered.

LonesomeTonight · Sep 02, 2022, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

My sister sent me the divorce papers. Now I just need to fill them out and get H to sign. He said wait a week or two to see if he can get a job. I really want a divorce. 1. Get back on SSI and Medi-Cal 2. Makes it easier if I do leave him. And if I get on Medi-Cal, the bariatric surgery is completely covered.

Are there any requirements for physical separation before divorce in your state? I think in mine, you have to file for separation, then live apart for a year before you can file for divorce. Which has always seemed ridiculous to me (especially if people maybe couldn't afford to live apart). Hoping that's not a requirement in CA and that it's a quick and easy process!

LonesomeTonight · Sep 02, 2022, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Are there any requirements for physical separation before divorce in your state? I think in mine, you have to file for separation, then live apart for a year before you can file for divorce. Which has always seemed ridiculous to me (especially if people maybe couldn't afford to live apart). Hoping that's not a requirement in CA and that it's a quick and easy process!

OK, I googled out of curiosity. Sounds like you don't have to be separated, but once you file, there's a 6-month waiting period for it to be finalized. You may have already known that, but keep that in mind in terms of filing for SSI, Medi-Cal, etc. I'm guessing you'd have to wait 6 months for that?

ScarletPimpernel · Sep 02, 2022, 02:47 PM

I would file for SSI right away so if I get denied, I might be avle to get back payment for the 3 months. Thank you for looking this up!

LonesomeTonight · Sep 02, 2022, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I would file for SSI right away so if I get denied, I might be avle to get back payment for the 3 months. Thank you for looking this up!

Sure! And hope you'll be able to get it.

divine1966 · Sep 03, 2022, 09:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I would file for SSI right away so if I get denied, I might be avle to get back payment for the 3 months. Thank you for looking this up!

It’s a very good plan.

How about living arrangements? Would be good to get into subsidized housing but that takes forever.

ScarletPimpernel · Sep 03, 2022, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

It’s a very good plan.

How about living arrangements? Would be good to get into subsidized housing but that takes forever.

I think I could live with my mom when I decide to leave H. I could only bring one of my dogs so that will be excruciatingly hard.

ArtieTheSequal · Sep 03, 2022, 11:04 AM

So, H will be arriving at son's new place shortly (H drove son's car up there for him and is taking Amtrak back). I just got off the phone with H and he was actually crying about having to say goodbye to our son, thinking that today might be the last time he ever sees him. I said actually that's always been true, every single time you've seen him in the past as well. It's true every time you see ANYONE, that it might be the last time. None of us know when it will be 'our time'. In my mind, of course, I'm getting pissed because Monday when I said goodbye to our son before he left, I was bawling, and randomly crying the rest of that day and H was all "it's not like he moved to another country" and "Stop being sad, be happy for him" and otherwise minimizing how I felt. Now he's facing feeling the same things I was feeling on Monday for himself!! Of course I didn't remind him of any of that, I did the best I could to comfort him over the phone. I'm really not sure how to deal with this (trigger for kinda morbid subject)

Possible trigger:

He said "remember before we got married, I said I wanted an honest woman to raise a son with and that was my only goal? well now we've done that, he's raised, and I don't have anything to live for anymore." How in the hell am I supposed to respond to that?! Ask him to go to therapy? All I could think to say was he still needs you, he told me not long ago that he respects your knowledge about financial stuff, he can still learn a lot from you in that regard. I rarely hear h cry and it's very hard for me when he does. He had said something similar when Rascal (old cat) died in December, he said "I promised myself I'd live as long as Rascal was alive and now that's he's not, I'm going to die." that was so hard for me to deal with too but he got over that, so maybe he'll deal with this too I don't know.

it really upsets me that he always minimizes my feelings, doesn't want to hear me talk about it, etc whenever i try to talk about how because of my mom's fear of covid and not letting anyone in her house who has traveled that I may never see her again. despite our imperfect relationship she's still my mom. so why is it okay for him to be upset today about son, but it's not okay for me to be upset that i may never see my mom again? i don't get it.

NP_Complete · Sep 03, 2022, 12:00 PM

I would be incredibly annoyed with his statement. What was your role in his little fantasy? Incubator and motherly-duty performer? What if you'd had a daughter? Would everything have been ruined? He doesn't strike me as the type who would willingly talk to a therapist, but he sounds depressed. Maybe you both should talk to his GP about medication or something.

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