Couch 239: Cape Coral Couch

I hope one of them works out, Scarlet! Particularly the marketing one.

Dr. T is back from a week-long trip today, and I texted to confirm with him that it's OK to meet in person (he'd said he was going to do a Covid test this morning). He said he's negative, no symptoms, but was indoors in close quarters with people Sunday, so it's up to me whether I feel comfortable meeting in person. Me: "Well, I was at an indoor concert Friday night where I think I was the only masked person. But as you know, I was also exposed regularly in my house a few weeks ago. I also tested negative today." We're meeting in person.

Just to clarify the law for our readers, that doesnt matter, you can still get a divorce.

Agreed. And based on the things you've shared here in the past, it seems there's a non-zero chance that he might not keep whichever job he gets for the long haul. It would be wise to do whatever you can to prepare for that possible future scenario. I have a feeling your mental health would improve somewhat if you felt more secure in your own financial future.

True.

This is a choice I made due to not wanting to upset H while I still depend on him. Safety first! Health second. Finances third. Then independence.

I gave them to myself for Christmas a few years ago

Hugs/head nods all around as wanted/needed/appropriate.

H got home yesterday, and he's feeling better about our son moving. Son's gf was a little under the weather so h and our son went out to lunch by themselves before going to the train station, and h said they had a really good talk about everything. Plus, I remembered something L had told me a while back about dealing with h - that I need to remember to hold onto myself, because I can't feel his feelings for him and stuff. So I focused on that yesterday while we were talking about it all. It really does help when I am mindful enough to hold onto myself, focus on my circle of control, feel my own feelings only and control my reaction to them, not try to feel h's feelings - so I didn't get all emotional (which sets him off further when I do that) and I was able to fully hear what he was saying without any of my usual emotional interference. It went really well and I am in the process of figuring out how to print out everything in this App I've been using for this 8-week program because it has been SO helpful for me in this regard also. H has mentioned several times what a difference he's seen in me since I started this program. This mindfulness stuff really works for me and I need to figure out how to keep it up.

Artie, this all sounds very positive--both your H feeling better and your reaction to his feelings. It seems you're really working hard and using what you've learned from T and from the CBT program, which is awesome!

There's a lot of mindfulness in DBT. There are coloring books, workbooks, and even groups. If you prefer CBT, there might be groups for that as well.

I know it's different from everyone, but be careful of process groups. My only bad experience with DBT groups was the process one. Everyone would trigger each other. Then again, the therapist leading the group didn't know how to control it.

I have found skills groups to be really insightful. And you can usually take them as many times as you want.

My last skills group therapist took a two year vacation to Spain. If/when she comes back and does groups again, I'll definitely be signing up for that!

Perhaps you would also qualify for state benefits if you didn’t have H to depend on financially?

Is there any charities or services you could speak to to get some advice?

Thanks LT. It's funny - it's like I told L a long time ago - I need to hear the same thing told in different ways and multiple times before it finally sinks in sometimes - maybe it's stuff I didn't want to hear/have been resistant to? stuff i didn't want to admit about myself??? But elements of this current program have a very familiar feel to them like 'i know i've heard this before' both from L and from that woebot app - and, some of it is just finally sinking in to where I can apply it in earnest. Or I'm finally not resisting hearing it and using it. Or both.

Kinda bummed that the app only has 2 more modules! I have 3 more calls with C (my coach) after today, but i worked ahead on the modules a little.

Congrats on all your progress artie bean.

F is away on his honeymoon for three weeks. As I’m also not going on a retreat he’s hosting which only costs £385 for the cheapest stay. I won’t see him until October.

I also didn’t want to pay £37 a month to stay in his extra group. I kept getting jealous of the attention he was giving to the others. think it would be the same at the retreat and I don’t want to be around others . 😂

Well I miss him.

Oh yeah and I told h that I ordered him the subscription for the model railroader magazine to give him inspiration to start putting together his backyard railroad and he got all excited. One of those things - he wouldn't buy it for himself, but is happy that I bought it for him.

Hugs, Lemoncake. I hope that October gets here quickly for you! I don't know the conversion to american $ off the top of my head but that sounds like a lot for the 'cheapest' stay for the retreat.

My son texted me out of the blue today (which he rarely does) and sent a picture of something we used to buy when we lived in CA and said "remember these?" I was like omg yes! Hawaiian Sweet Maui Onion potato chips. haven't seen them here in AZ. i may have to go to trader joes and see if they carry them. haven't been there in awhile. they were so good! he said they taste just like he remembered.

I just finished designing a dream home for L! I was taking screenshots of the renderings when the app crashed. I hope H can fix it. I still need a ton more pictures! I think it crashed because it's such a big house. She wanted 5 bedrooms and three stories!!!

Had my weekly session with my coach a little bit ago, it was a good discussion again and we talked a bit longer than the scheduled 15 minutes. I'm so excited about how well this stuff is working for me it's hard for me to pay attention to the clock, probably because I'm used to an hour with therapy. Oh well! C (my coach) doesn't seem to mind actually it was her continuing to talk today beyond the 15 minutes (I actually noticed the time today).

Trigger: Covid/Hospital stuff

Awww that’s such a sweet thing to do for him.

sending you love velcro during this difficult time.

Designing on Sims might be easier but not as realistic.

Maybe you could also get them online on Amazon.

Thats exactly what i thought!

People were showing off their foreign snacky packs a lot on youtube, but i havent seen any lately. Im not a salty snack person.