Couch 239: Cape Coral Couch

I believe you mean, “She said, with a keen edge to her voice.”

I'm hearing the old schoolhouse rock song in my head now "Lolly Lolly Lolly get your adverbs here" haha

I want some ice cream.

When I walked into today's session, Dr. T started with, "The fish is still intact!" Referring to the gift I'd given him last session. I said good and joked that he could have had a client break it, and he said he wouldn't do that. I was saying something about how maybe it was a good thing for me, giving him a gift that I knew was imperfect and being OK with that. To which he said he hadn't thought of it that way, adding, "There is no perfect gift." Me: "I know, but before I gave it to you, I knew, from what you said, it wasn't to your taste." Dr. T: "It was a fine gift." Me: "OK, good."

Productive session today (about stuff other than the gift!). It seems like I'm looking at things with less of a negative view lately, like not immediately catastrophizing (like something negative involving my work). I also told him how I'd started a gratitude journal a few weeks ago, even though I'd been resistant to it for years. Plus listing positive things I'd done each day. He was pleasantly surprised. I'm not sure where this is all coming from, like is stuff that Dr. T had been telling me for ages finally sinking in?

At the end, I said I wasn't sure if he would be OK doing handshakes going forward, or if it had just been for Monday. He said he was fine with continuing handshakes, and that I didn't have to sanitize my hands first either, that we could just do that after. (Well, that fits in the "statements that would have seemed really weird pre-2020" category.) Though his hand was a bit sweaty today, so maybe sanitizing would have been better!

Sounds like you had a good session, LT, I'm glad.

C (former cbt coach) suggested i start a gratitude journal. I kinda keep a running one in my head, but maybe I'll start an actual written one, that way i don't have to try to remember stuff from day to day.

Even though I lost it briefly this morning over the handyman yelling at me over a payment issue and i was crying and freaking out over trying to multitask (getting yelled at by him on the phone while trying to handle a member chat at work because h is hopeless at computer stuff and can't hear on the phone), I did get myself calmed down and back in control of my thoughts much more quickly than I would have prior to doing that program. So first thing in my gratitude journal is that.

My next project is going to be to remove the folding door-let on my office that doesn't lock or cover the entire opening, and replace it with a solid wood door with a lock so h cannot come in here while I'm working and bother me with **** he needs to learn how to handle his own damn self.



eta: I'm really not a very nice person anymore am I.

Hugs, Artie. I read your Dear T--that sounded really rough! He was really out of line in acting that way toward you when you were trying to find a solution. It's great that you were able to calm yourself more quickly than you'd have been able to in the past.

I do think the journal is helping me change my mindset a little, as I can usually find at least something positive in most days, even something really tiny. Dr. T has said there have been research studies showing that it helps. So it could be worth trying, even if it sounds a little cheesy.

You are a nice person with boundaries and expectation that an adult man can handle his own damn self. And soon a nice person with a door that locks.

Why stop at a lock? How about some Swiss Guards, halberds crossed before the door?

That’s not just a boundary. It’s a statement, baby.

(Also what I do to keep una away after she’s been eating cabbage. )

Thanks WFS. I'm gonna paint rainbows and flowers for myself on the inside of said door too.


That made me laugh! I needed that, thanks.

oh! It's time to go watch Emergency! and then fall asleep sometime during the 2nd hour like I do almost every night.

I agree! I wish there was a way for me to put a door on the main room where I do my work. My H just comes down and starts talking before he can even see me, let alone see if I'm busy. Or he'll come down the stairs and make some exclamation, like, "Oh, what a day," and it's like then I feel obligated to ask him, "What's up?" And he'll go on some lengthy, detailed thing about his work. Sometimes I'll say, "I'm sorry, I have to focus on getting this done right now, you can fill me in later," and he'll seem offended. But I have deadlines, too!

Family members seem to think I can see through walls.

A couple of times a month, I'll hear 'What's this?' from another room, and then have to go and check it out.

Nobody parties like the swiss guards!

Well I'm going back to the dentist sooner than I had anticipated, the tooth I got the filling in last friday started bothering me big time this morning. I don't know if I did something that caused the filling to fall out, i can't tell cuz they're not silver anymore, i never could see it in the first place so I don't know if it's still in there. or if i just aggravated the gums around it, or what. so i just called and they're getting me in right after i get off work today. Boo, I hope it's just that i aggravated the gums somehow and not that the filling fell out! whatever it hurts and tylenol is not helping at all. Double boo!

Ugh, I hope it's just something with the gum, Artie!

Thanks, LT.

H left for a long-distance job to Albuquerque, NM last night at like 9pm. It's something around a 7 hour drive from here, one way. He's on his way home again texted just now saying he's still like 3 hours away and stopped for breakfast, and is too tired to drive more so is going to rest in his car for a bit. I hope he's able to sleep for a couple of hours so he can safely make it the rest of the way home. I told him last night before he left if I were anyone but me, I'd have gone with him and called out sick today and made a weekend of it up there, but calling in sick when I'm not is against my religion or something so I didn't go. Glad I didn't now, with my tooth hurting today.

It just popped into my head something else C said the other day - another of the deja vu moments back to L - we were talking about thought distortions like "i'm broken" and "I'm not enough" and she said those come from the ego, that fights against our true Self. I remember when L would say things like "Oh, that's just ego" and she'd talk about 'ego death' and stuff and I never really understood it then, still not sure I really understand now, but seems to me at the moment that there are two very, very different definitions of "ego". There's like egotistical, but then there's also healthy ego, but then I get the feeling that what C and L were talking about has nothing to do with that kind of ego. I'm still confused about it....

I used to do this to my 2nd h until he brought it to my attention.

I think its "hereditary" - my mom did it to me, so i learned it as a communication method. But i DO it as the caller, not the callee. The lesson taught was being inconsiderate.