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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,223
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,776 hugs
given |
#41
I know you want me to gain weight but I've decided to put muscle on instead. Even though you told me not to do that either. Isn't putting on muscle a good thing though?
__________________ Ridin' with Biden |
downandlonely, LonesomeTonight
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LonesomeTonight
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,223
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,776 hugs
given |
#42
Don't fire me on Wednesday. I swear its med related or something.
__________________ Ridin' with Biden |
downandlonely, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2008
Posts: 7,361
15 25 hugs
given |
#43
E: I guess I’m glad I made it through his service okay. Thanks for all the coping skills you’ve taught me. I definitely wouldn’t be making progress without you. I feel really bad bc of my relationship with T is still important.
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LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail, SlumberKitty
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,763
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
given |
#44
Dear T,
Wow, I'm really surprised you agreed to shake hands tomorrow! I'm glad I asked you. I'm a little concerned I'll get all teary-eyed from it, as it's been 2.5 years, but I doubt that would surprise or bother you. I do wonder, though, if it might feel very anticlimactic. Like, "Why was this such a big deal to me again?" But I guess I'll just see what happens. I think I might just ask you about the gift instead of bringing it tomorrow. Maybe the same with a card? To see if you'd rather, say, I just email something. Or that you wouldn't want to read a card in front of me, as I suppose that's what I'd want. So then I'd know what to expect. Love, LT |
Mountaindewed, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,223
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,776 hugs
given |
#45
I had a dream about my transference T last night. I can not understand why I still think of her with this new much better non transference therapist around, but I guess the feelings never do go away.
__________________ Ridin' with Biden |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,797
12 3,129 hugs
given |
#46
Disbelief deepens
Shepherd abandoned the flock More Pain Olympics ---------------------------------------------- I don't know much about churches, as I tend to stay away. I do know that they talk a lot about being there for people in their time of need. The 'national mood' doesn't mean that individuals' pain should be disregarded. I don't have the wherewithal to take this one on, because I'm the one who's going to end up wounded. It's irresponsible of them not to offer something else, or an alternative date. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2008
Posts: 7,361
15 25 hugs
given |
#47
I am SO exhausted. But, I made it back home. Intact. Still with a LOT of sadness and grief. For what, I fully do not know.
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AliceKate, ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2008
Posts: 7,361
15 25 hugs
given |
#48
Dear T: I am annoyingly more upset about you moving back our sessions 15 minutes/having to end a little earlier. I feel like bc I am the last client, I get the shaft. Of course, I will never tell you this.
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,223
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,776 hugs
given |
#49
I got super scared last night and went into my moms room for 15 minutes and even then I was very unsettled. I know the therapists I've told this to are understanding because they understand when I do this It must mean I am pretty frigging terrified. I feel like you'll understand too hopefully.
__________________ Ridin' with Biden |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#50
I know I was okay not talking to you Saturday but I am really now looking forward to talking to you tomorrow. Though knowing me, I won't feel like talking to you tomorrow, but I will anyway. Thanks for being honest with me. Love you! Kit
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
LonesomeTonight, Mountaindewed
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,763
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
given |
#51
Dear T,
Thanks for a good 5-year anniversary session today. And being gracious about the gift, even if it isn't quite your aesthetic. It seemed like you understood what it meant to me and reacted accordingly. The same with the anniversary in general, as you know that I'm a date person, even though you aren't. Hm, I guess it all comes down to you putting my needs and comfort first today. I'll get you a plant for the next one though! And the handshake was nice. (Though I'm puzzled that you thought we'd sanitize after instead of before?) I'm hoping you might be willing to continue with those, but if you aren't, like maybe if it would just be an occasional thing (like I'd need to specifically request it), it's OK. Love, LT |
Mountaindewed, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty
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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 519
10 39 hugs
given |
#52
Dear T
I am so glad I didn't already email you with what I had been planning to say, especially as you've had to cancel tomorrow's session because you have covid. Hopefully I will be in a better place mentally by the time we next talk. It would have been awful to have admitted what I was going to disclose and then find you weren't available this week after all. Sent from my SM-A526B using Tapatalk __________________ To the world you might be just one person; but to one person you might be the world. |
LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail, SlumberKitty
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,797
12 3,129 hugs
given |
#53
So sorry to hear that, East. I hope your T is able to offer a session as soon as practically possible.
__________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
SlumberKitty
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East17, LonesomeTonight
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,223
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,776 hugs
given |
#54
In your email you wanted me to send about something, you said that working out and building muscle was ok. So I hope our session tommorow goes ok. So far my sister hasn't headed to the hospital so it looks like we'll be in person. It will be shorts weather and the last time I wore shorts and a T shirt was the week you really chewed me out for the way I looked. Plus I did lose a pound or so from last week which may give me the illusion of looking like I've lost more with everything else I've been doing since we last met.
__________________ Ridin' with Biden |
unaluna
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,223
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,776 hugs
given |
#55
I was Iistening to the song Title And Registration by Death Cab For Cutie last night. Its kind of been the song I've been listening to a lot lately. The part that really stands out to me is the part that goes
But there's no blame for how our love did slowly fade And now that it's gone, it's like it wasn't there at all And here I rest where disappointment and regret collide Lying awake at night I don't know. It kinda reminds me of my transference T and how I couldn't be who I really was with her and it was just like this huge dissapointment at the end, but with my current therapist I can be who I really am and I don't have to hide stuff. I don't know if I'm making sense at all. My transference T just said she couldn't help me because of my particular issues and I just felt like dissapointed and then regret that I got so involved with her to begin with. __________________ Ridin' with Biden |
AliceKate, LonesomeTonight
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LonesomeTonight
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,239
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,772 hugs
given |
#56
Hey L. It's days like today I really, really miss being able to sit across from you and just let it all out about h. Worry, guilt, fear of the future, regret of the past cuz I stayed when I shoulda left a few years ago... it's all attacking me full-force right now and these tools from the CBT thing are no match. I don't know how to live with him when he's like this.
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,763
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
given |
#57
Quote:
Just wanted to comment that I'm a Death Cab fan, too (and seeing them live again soon). That's an especially good song of theirs. |
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Mountaindewed
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Mountaindewed
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,223
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,776 hugs
given |
#58
Quote:
Then the part that goes: something he was not looking for Both a beginning and an end But now he lives inside someone he does not recognize when he catches his reflection on accident Reminds me of when my move was really starting to get going and I was still dealing with bad post op depression from my surgery and I felt like my personailty had changed and I felt like I didn't recgonize myself. Then the last part that reminds me of that time in my life is "Now we say good night, from our own seperate sides" That just reminds me of those really bad telesessions. But yeah that song really just seems to sum up December 2020 for me. __________________ Ridin' with Biden |
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LonesomeTonight
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LonesomeTonight
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2008
Posts: 7,361
15 25 hugs
given |
#59
Dear T:
I know you are not upset at me, and I am relieved, but I am SO nervous for tomorrow's session. I don't want to hear more about how you need family time, even though I understand it. I really, really hope we don't have to go back to phone sessions. I may quit if that happens. |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2021
Location: On a raindrop far, far away
Posts: 871
3 2,208 hugs
given |
#60
I feel as if I had taken twice the prescribed amount of escitalopram this morning. I don't think so, but I guess it's possible. Everything is in slow motion.
Thanks for yesterday. I wish I could afford to keep crying. I wrote in my diary that I think you are a social butterfly with a heart the size of a bear's. __________________ my life explained in two smileys |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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