[Omers]

I have tried to post a few updates but I am very distractable and my page ages out and I keep loosing them.

Pdoc is disappointed I am ending therapy with T. She unilaterally upped my meds and added a new one (I have them I don't have to take them). She has NEVER bowled me over like that and it felt really invalidating. I know that not having T is going to be hard and there will be a grieving process but T is doing amazing at helping me through all of it and making sure I do not feel abandoned. So I have never felt so misunderstood with Pdoc but this is still pretty small and we have been together for over 15 years so it will pass.

Then I met with T. T understood my disappointment with what feels like Pdocs lack of confidence in my ability to handle this transition. He agreed though that as long as I still have the choice if I take them meds or not that it is not really that big a deal. We talked about his availability for virtual sessions if I need them Dec through Feb... Then he told me that while he is going to be out of contact from March through May he may do some kind of photo journal online of his adventure and if he did it he would send me the link if I would like. So... I would not be able to reach him but I would get to see him on his adventure... which I thought was very kind and generous of him.

So I am spending more time bawling over how much he loves me than I am about his leaving.

[Yaowen]

I am so sorry you are suffering. Wish I knew what to say that would help. Changes like the ones you are going through can be very traumatic. I think your feelings are very understandable given the circumstances. Pdoc and T stuff can be very draining too.