A poem for my T

AliceKate · Dec 23, 2022, 06:16 AM

Do you think I can share this with him?
no title

AliceKate · Dec 23, 2022, 01:19 PM

My T and I have only once talked about the relationship he and I have in the duration of the hour I spend there every week. Is that usual? I feel maybe it is a discussion worth having, though I feel it may well be uncomfortable.

LonesomeTonight · Dec 23, 2022, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AliceKate

My T and I have only once talked about the relationship he and I have in the duration of the hour I spend there every week. Is that usual? I feel maybe it is a discussion worth having, though I feel it may well be uncomfortable.

I think it could be an important discussion. I can't say how he'd respond to the poem though. I think the concern with things like poems or other art is that people can interpret them differently. (Maybe I'm scarred by the time I read to a then-boyfriend a poem I'd written to him, and he critiqued the poem rather than reacting to the sentiment behind it. I mean, we were both English majors, but that wasn't the point!)

But you could have the discussion with or without the poem.

I've probably spent *too* much time talking about the therapeutic relationship with my T. But I need to at times.

AliceKate · Dec 23, 2022, 04:16 PM

Thanks LT, for your kind reply and insights. I've wondered the same and actually both translated the poem to my native language and written a (short!) analysis to frame it, and make it understandable. I just don't know how to start that conversation... it's the sort of thing I'd need to write about to even approach it, because in the "natural" (if somewhat halting) flow of conversation in a session, I would never be able to bring myself to speak of it, espacially not in a way that highlights what I actually want to say.

I'm sorry about how your then-boyfriend reacted. I think people react that way when they are terribly uncertain about how to react to the actual content. It's a shame, really.

AliceKate · Dec 25, 2022, 02:29 PM

I'm still not sure what to do with this. In addition to translating the thing, and writing an analysis, I have now written a letter to frame it a 2nd/3rd time. I still haven't sent it. Maybe I'll just process this on my own and talk to him about it in our first session back.
I've had a sort of nightmare tonight. I was being chased by some hooligans, and there was a flood which was scaring me, as I was chest deep, wading through the water. I avoided the wilder waters. I think it's a metaphore for not being vulnerable enough with T. Also, lately, the number of suggestions he makes that I do not integrate into my life have been increasing quite a bit.

Dec 25, 2022, 03:18 PM

Have you worked with creative material before with him? If not, maybe it's worth discussing working with a different medium before you introduce it.

AliceKate · Dec 25, 2022, 03:35 PM

We haven't so far. I've created some scales and mindmaps and stuff, but that was coming from the mind, the poem is from the heart, so I wouldn't compare the two. It's probably a good idea to introduce it verbally. Maybe instead of wrinting letters and stuff to frame it, I can take some notes and say the things I want to say and then ask if he wants to read the poem that prompted these thoughts. He has shown great interest in my process in the past.

AliceKate · Jan 04, 2023, 06:34 AM

So, instead of giving the by now like 10 pages to my T, I've decided to make a list of things that I am struggeling with and things I find amazing about our work together. I think that should open up the discussion and not burden it with too much "artistic" chaos.

LonesomeTonight · Jan 04, 2023, 07:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AliceKate

So, instead of giving the by now like 10 pages to my T, I've decided to make a list of things that I am struggeling with and things I find amazing about our work together. I think that should open up the discussion and not burden it with too much "artistic" chaos.

That seems like a good plan! You could always show him the poem later if you want, too.

AliceKate · Jan 17, 2023, 12:32 PM

So I finally gave him the summary today and we took the session to go through it in some detail. I also finally voiced my wish to keep him as my therapist when the hours the insurer pays for are used up. As he had some real concerns working with me at the start (which he never took back), I wasn't sure of the outcome of this discussion.

The outcome is what I hoped for, I think. He said that he could see I needed (his) help and that I was accepting it and working more on myself in my own time than most if not all patients he had known. He said if we both felt when the hours were up that this relationship was still of benefit to me, he would certainly not end it and we would find a way to keep working together. He said that he did choose to work with me and that maybe he should have clarified it at some point in the past.

I haven't shown him or mentioned the poem, but I might still.

LonesomeTonight · Jan 17, 2023, 03:32 PM

I'm really glad to hear that!

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A poem for my T

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