[185329]

I feel like I have made some progress, but it feels like I have a long way to go. In particular, I have not fully accepted my schizophrenia. I know I have schizophrenia, and I know some of my beliefs are false. Maybe I still believe that my diagnosis was just one big misunderstanding. I have heard this type of thinking is common in schizophrenia. Perhaps my delusions have simply migrated to the back of my mind, but they are still there. Oh, well.

[AliceKate]

Hi there. Do you know this channel: LivingWellwithSchizophrenia. It seems like a good resource. I watch it, too. She also doubts her diagnosis all the time. This video relates to that:

. She has more on that, too. For what it's worth, I feel you. Schizophrenia is scary af and believing to have it must feel horribly restrictive.

I'm diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder. Hallucinations and/or Dellusions are not a factor in this diagnosis, and yet I have experienced both, though not to the degree that it is said to be common with schizophrenia (i.e. I never fully believed in the delusions and could -as far as I know- always identify my -mostly visual- hallucinations as such). The image of me one day waking up to a full-blown psychosis is not something I like to dwell on, but seems to be a very real possibility. I try to do what I can to stop that. I eat well, I sleep well, I do sports. You know. The usual ****.

About a week ago, I had to do something for a course I'm taking (I'm in my mid-30s, but decided to go back to Uni). I worked 15 hours (not counting breaks), went to bed at 10pm and woke up at 2.30am to finish it. I did finish it, and passed the course, but yesterday was the first day my anxiety wasn't through the roof. It had such a great impact on me and showed me that I really need to take care of myself, regardless of my diagnosis.

Not sure where I am going with this, really. Just hoping you take care of yourself, regardless of whether you believe in your diagnosis or not.

[185329]

I used to take care of myself, but then my medication got increased and I felt I had lost the capacity to do so. In the past, I have found when I am on much less medication, I tend to eat very well, exercise, sleep well, etc. I have a belief that my medication is anti-discipline in that regard. Oh, well.

[AliceKate]

Have you discussed this with you psychiatrist? That sucks.

[*Beth*]

It is very common, after being diagnosed with a mental illness, for someone to feel that there has possibly been a misunderstanding. Most of us struggle with that for a long time, unfortunately. (I'm dx'ed with bipolar disorder, was dx'ed decades ago, and still struggle with it.)