Writing goodbye to ex-T

ScarletPimpernel · Mar 07, 2023, 05:53 AM

L and I discussed writing ex-T on Friday and yesterday. On Friday, I decided I would write T and L instead of ex-T. But that wasn't sitting well with me. I wanted to write a goodbye letter to her. Yesterday, L brought up the same thing, how a goodbye letter might feel good to me. So yesterday afternoon, I typed it up and sent it to L. She said it was perfect, and that she was proud of me. I had H mail itlast night.

I am proud of myself for saying goodbye to her. I think if I ghosted? her that that wouldn't give me my final closure. I felt like I needed to have the power taken back from her.

Quote:

Ex-T ,
Today is our 8th year anniversary since you abandoned me. I wanted to share with you how much I’ve grown over these past 8 years.

You told me on that day that our relationship was getting in the way. Maybe for you it was. I have found that the therapeutic relationship is actually what has brought healing to my life. After 8 years with T and 4 years with my current therapist, I feel more whole, more stable, more free. They have proven to me that not everyone will abandon me. They’ve shown me respect, care, love, and empathy. I can be myself. I can have big feelings and big reactions, and they’re still there. They have also taught me so many coping skills and techniques. I haven’t self-harmed in all these years. I’ve come to realize that I’m a very social person. And I have established healthier boundaries with my family.

This will be my last letter to you. Not because I forgive you. I no longer feel I need to write to you, to remind you, to hold you accountable. This is not my burden to bear anymore. It’s yours. Whether it be your conscience, God, or karma, you are the one who will be accountable for your actions; not me. I have worked on myself in and out of therapy for 8 years now. I have a clear conscience for my actions that day. I know why I reacted the way I did, and I have empathy for myself. My reaction was a normal reaction to an abnormal event. I tried my best to not only respect you, but to work with you, compromise with you, in order to get some closure. You were the one who was unwilling. You didn’t respect me as a client or even a person. You didn’t care about me, my thoughts, and my feelings. And you didn’t love me.

I have accepted that I will never get closure from you. That you will never tell me what happened. And at this point, even if you were to give me an answer, I could never trust you. You lied to me. You abandoned me. Remember saying “Actions speak louder than words”? Well, your actions screamed loud and clear that you are not a safe person who can provide me with healing. And that’s okay. I have two awesome therapists who have truly helped me grow and heal. Which is why this is my last letter. I don’t need you and I don’t need to carry your burden. I continue to hope you never do this again to anyone else. I hope that you never treat anyone with Borderline Personality Disorder. And it is not my responsibility to keep reminding you. I am ready to let you go. I have allowed you to affect my life for all these years, but no more. I wash my hands clean of you.

Goodbye, ex-T.

SP

I feel empowered, like I have taken my life back from her. I no longer want to hold this. And saying goodbye and sending it was a way to finalize the relationship. Like a declaration. And I am done. Like I said, I feel proud of myself. And I feel relief. Even though it was another letter, it wasn't about the pain or going through the events of that day. I kept it short (for me) and I tried to be clear.

Thanks for reading this, and to all who have been with me on this journey. This fourm helped me get through one of my most traumatic events in my life. I appreciate you all. Truly.

SlumberKitty · Mar 07, 2023, 12:03 PM

Well done.

LonesomeTonight · Mar 07, 2023, 12:24 PM

This sounds great, Scarlet. I'm glad you feel you're in a place to write it, too.

*Beth* · Mar 08, 2023, 01:06 AM

What liberation! Excellent letter, SP.

Taylor27 · Mar 08, 2023, 11:39 AM

Well done

Therapy reviewed · 02:28 PM

I didn't do this. I did message her when I discovered something we'd worked on fior years (missing person) and wanted to close it with her.

If anything I desire a goodbye letter from T. I know what my words would be as ive thought about them enough. But I don't know her take on our work togther.

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