The silent Psychotherapist

Recently a documentary aired in my country about the rise in fake psychologists and other disciplines regarding Mental Health, the funny thing about it is - I've been saying this for years. i felt as though I wasn't getting the help that i needed even had ex boyfriends and friends tell me it was a waste of time and no good was coming from it ha! they even began to believe that psychology was a load of rubbish but i knew there was something not right in the system like intuition was telling me something you know?

I kept getting paired with these silent type therapists that would just listen and not really say much, fiddle with their scarf or glasses and play with the rings on their fingers and just recently I've been paired with another one, i walked out in a huff over the frustration of it at all. its more anger that I feel that I've been robbed of something. A masters degree in Psychotherapy and PHD. Come on honey, who are you fooling...

Would anyone like to share their experiences? and what a real Psychotherapist actually looks like?

I definitely see what you are saying.

I've been lucky in having one good therapist among many that were not that helpful to me.

On the other hand, I have been helped enormously by reading books by famous cognitive therapists . . . people like Aaron Beck, David Burns and especially Robert Leahy.

I could be wrong, but I think psychotherapy is an art as much as a science. Nothing is perfect though and unfortunately there are quacks out there too.

I realize that your experiences and mine are different and I am so sorry you have had so many bad experiences. That is really heartbreaking.

I'm so exhausted now at this stage over it. I Might take you up on that suggestion and invest in some books because I have completely and utterly lost trust in the system over here.

I think for some just having a space to talk will be enough for them. The silent other doesn't always mean they aren't actively listening.
The fidgeting. Now that would annoy me. More than the silence - though my T was silent a lot but not empty silent - as I have cptsd T would seldom move and if she did, say to cross a leg she would do it almost in slow motion.

My therapists have been talkative. I'm so sorry you've had rotten experiences, Gavreel. I've had horrible times these past 2 or so years with med prescribers. People so incompetent they shouldn't be practicing medicine. So I know how awful that broken trust feels.

I haven't seen the documentary you have mentioned but have read some articles and have friends in Ireland who I chatted with this about. It is scandalous in many ways and shocking that it's still not regulated.

It doesn't mean however that every therapist you have seen wasn't qualified to do the job or was a 'fake' (unless of course you know or discovered since that the specific therapist you saw did not have sufficient training)

Therapists /Psychologists can often take different approaches and many are quieter in the first few sessions to try and give the client more space to talk. It can be frustrating and confusing at first . I know mine barely talked for the first few weeks/months and she is a fully qualified Undergrad/PHD psychologist. It often really depends on their main modality. I am not saying that this was the case for you just saying that there are fully qualified people like this. Do you know what their main orientation was?

You ask the question A good psychologist has a wide range of skills, qualities, and attributes. Some characteristics that I would consider important for a good psychologist:

• Good communication: is able to communicate effectively and clearly with clients,
• Ability to stay present: able to stay full present with you in the difficult moments and not get easily distracted
• Empathy and good listening skills: able to understand and connect with their clients on an emotional level.
• Knowledgeable and has extensive knowledge of human behavior, emotions, and mental health issues. They stay up-to-date on the latest research and developments in the field.
• Non-judgmental: creates a safe and non-judgmental environment for clients, allowing them to feel comfortable discussing sensitive topics.
• Patience: understands that the therapeutic process can take time and that progress may not always be linear.
• Ethical: adheres to ethical guidelines and standards, ensuring the confidentiality and well-being of their clients.

Hi Gavreel, I am sorry you made such bad experiences with therapists so far.
I would definitely not give up hope on psychology and psychotherapy at all, though! I believe it can be of great help if you can find the right therapist and approach.
I have made significant improvements due to in-person therapy and reading books by PHD-psychologists.
However, finding my former therapist (unfortunately, I moved so I cannot see her anymore) took me a year, and trying out about 20 different therapists, that ALL felt not quite right or definitely wrong.
So I agree that there are many not-so-great therapists out there, unfortunately.
I actually started out quite naive, thinking that all therapists, having gone through extensive training and being approved by state and all, would be very good, and above all, mentally balanced, confident, happy, compassionate.... because knowing how to make the mind well is their job...
Well, I have seen so many therapists that seemed self-centered, even slightly abusive or at least disrespectful, dishonest, insecure, unprofessional, and definitely just having their own issues that were damaging their patients.
I was pretty desperate, then I met my former therapist, who, by the way, was not a psychologist but had studied pedagogy and social work, so she was mainly a child therapist but also treating adults.
Within the first 5 minutes, I noticed that she was very different and very good because I felt like she could look into my soul, was extremely focused on me, and felt great compassion for my suffering, almost as if I was her own child, even though we had just met.
You could feel that she really loved her work and that she wanted to help her patients.
So my advice would be to not give up on therapy but to keep looking for a therapist that feels right. A therapist that truly loves his/her work and that you feel has a passion for helping people.
Also, I agree with what others have said about reading books. Until you find a good therapist, I would recommend reading books by psychologists, especially workbooks. I have definitely also made improvements by reading workbooks.
Good luck to you!

The person just sitting there listening approach has never worked for me what's so ever as I know myself so I know what works for me. If I wanted someone like this sure Id just pop around to my neighbour for a cup of coffee. It probably works for some people but it just isn't what I need at this moment in time. I have serious issues that is the main resulted from early childhood development but your advice much appreciated

I'm glad you understand. Hope your situation picks up soon too.

Maybe I have rushed to Judge her too soon, I just felt like she was getting off on my problems. I'm trying to trust myself more and not label everything as paranoia as my initial instincts of the training of many of these therapists have been proven to be true sadly. I might contact the clinic and ask for her credentials but I feel damn awful having to do this to someone but it isn't my fault, its the system.. I'm afraid that this will offend her and the sessions will not be comfortable going forward for her.

When I got home I felt so depleted and considered Just giving it up altogether but I have decided to keep going as my life is very much dependent on it. I have purchased some books from my friends shop and I am going to do a lot of invasive study on the subject.

I never found a therapist did anything useful. Even the ones who talked it was like yeah sure that's obvious but so what so they never said anything it was particularly insightful or something I never thought of. I really don't see the point in them. I never felt better after talking to one of them. I don't really enjoy talking about personal stuff with other people and it didn't change if that person was a therapist.

A good therapist would not be offended by this and it should have no impact on future sessions. It is normal to want to know what credentials someone who you are working with has and even more so if there has recently been a big revelation that many people working in that particular field do not have very good or appropriate credentials for the job. You could just share that your concerns about the recent revelations and that you are just wanting to make sure you are making a fully informed decision and. you would like to know her credentials. Don't make it about the appointment or appointments you have had with her and more about the overall picture and that you want to ensure you have all the correct information

Good idea, thanks. Will do that.

That's the problem I have had for years even more so with the awkward silence because you're wondering if they're secretly judging you or not or as I said above getting some narcissistic supply hearing about your grievances.

I usually figured they were sitting there figuring out their grocery list or who was picking up the dog from the groomer or such. I am not all that fascinating and my stories not all that riveting. I was more like "what is the point of this?" as I never could figure that out and the therapists I hired were unwilling (I prefer this to thinking I hired idiots) or unable to explain what was supposed to go on.

I did therapy to death for many years. I'ld go for a good stretch of time. Then stop. Eventually, I'ld go again. I respected the counselors I was seeing. I think they were about as good as it gets. But - really - I didn't get anything out of it. Sure, it might feel good, while I was in the office getting the undivided attention of a nice, smart, caring person. But I walked out the same as I walked in. Usually, when I've been extremely distressed, I needed to do something different from how I was doing things. No therapist ever shed any light on what that was. Always I figured it out on my own.

I've concluded that therapy is highly over-rated. I truly do not believe therapists are worth what we spend on them, either individually or through our healthcare systems. I think there is more to be gotten from participating in a group therapy modality where the therapist is a facilitator. I don't doubt that therapists are often sincere, conscientious clinicians trying to do the best they know how. It's just not effective. Talking with someone for 50 minutes once a week just isn't likely to change anything. People who go to therapy and change probably would have made the same progress, if they never went to a therapist. I realize some will heartily disagree with me. If therapy worked for them, then I guess it did. If it's not working for you, then maybe it's just not what ever will work for you. That doesn't necessarily mean you've been seeing one incompetent fool after another. It doesn't mean you've been "doing" therapy wrong. Therapy is just not the panacea it gets promoted as, IMHO.

It’s irritating

I’ve never met silent therapists. Not every suggestion or comment was useful. I often openly laughed at some but silent? Never. I’d not continue. Even if I am just there to run something by a neutral third party, (which was often the case), I’d be confused why they would be silent. Don’t know what’s up with that. It wouldn’t work for me.

I'ld be curious to learn how these fake psychologists are able to do what they're doing in your country. I'm guessing that Ireland has a system of licensure, probably not too different from in the U.S where I am. It surprises me to hear that scams are able to succeed, given that you have a well-educated population. Then, again, I suppose mental distress makes people vulnerable everywhere.

hahaha I forgot to mention, she tried to hug me too which I found very inappropriate as well which is why I never went back.. these are all just little red flags which I pick up on almost immediately.

We have great education here but only the very wealthy like elite as we like to call them can study for these high positions like psychotherapy, medicine, surgeons etc its extremely costly competitive. Not many can climb the ladder here which leaves plenty of room for professional scammers to creep in. if we want to make it in life, we tend to go abroad which is what the Irish have always done and are still doing today sadly.

Lol that's funny

Wow, I thought those days were over.

No unfortunately, we are still immigrating in large numbers. Some people are doing okay but they are living hand to mouth. The cost to buy and rent homes and the cost of living combined with a very low minimum wage compared to other European countries is very low. The pressure on students is enormous. I thought about leaving myself many times to make some kind of career for myself and have that stability but its hard to leave your country you know.

That's very interesting about the minimum wage there being lower than elsewhere in the EU. I read there was some kind of plan by the Irish government to bring in laborers from depressed parts of the world - like Africa and the Middle East - to serve as a pool of cheap labor to expand Ireland's economy. But I wonder where these people would live, given how expensive housing is there.

It's very sad that where you were born doesn't offer you more opportunity. Emigration removes people from their family support systems, which has consequences to their mental health. It seems you are choosing between hard options.