Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVI

Mountaindewed · Jun 10, 2023 at 05:44 PM

I was tempted to email you today, but I was able to work things out myself. I feel better now. We do need to talk a lot on Monday though.

DigitalDarkroom · Jun 10, 2023 at 11:04 PM

Dear A1,

I am so glad you are actually taking a week off to relax and recharge. You work way too hard. I told you I would miss you - you said you would miss me, too.

I am glad you are gone this week, but I really can’t wait until you get back.

A2

LostOnTheTrail · Jun 11, 2023 at 03:28 AM

Thank you for reminding me that Brené Brown exists.
I found out yesterday that she was a guest on a podcast where people talk about their favourite Willie Nelson songs.

She spoke about his version of Amazing Grace...which was pretty perfect considering my current position.

I'm so close to being soluble at the moment, but can't actually allow it to happen.

LonesomeTonight · Jun 11, 2023 at 06:30 AM

Dear T,
Well, I'm certainly not telling you about *that* dream! Though interesting that, like another dream, I was the one who put a stop to it.

Love,
LT

KLL85 · Jun 11, 2023 at 03:54 PM

I want you to look at me and feel that overwhelming, fierce, protective, all consuming love that a parent feels for their newborn. I want to be able to look at you and see that reflected back at me in your gaze. To see the softness, the tenderness, in your face. To lock eyes and instantly feel that connection that tells every nerve ending throughout my body that I am deeply and unconditionally loved and cherished. An experience that is so completely foreign.
The longing and yearning for it is almost as painful as knowing I never will get it. Almost.

Mountaindewed · Jun 11, 2023 at 04:01 PM

Why don't you ever push me or disagree with me? Is that why we get along so well? Or is it because I actually try your suggestions and metaphors and examples and find them helpful? Or do you just have too many clients who also pay you?

ArtieTheSequal · Jun 11, 2023 at 05:52 PM

That was quite a potent question you asked on Friday. It has generated much work on my part already. See, this is why I keep coming back. You ask such damn good questions...

Mountaindewed · 08:01 AM

I switched to virtual for the summer because I felt like it was the best thing for my overall physical and mental health. You were totally fine with it.

But then why does this feel like the song Missing You by John Waite?

Maybe I want to feel other pain besides physical....

comrademoomoo · Jun 12, 2023 at 05:40 AM

Ok, I am going to try my very best to not be a cow today. No telling you that you aren't good at your job, no criticising your approach, no swipes at your set up. I am going to be honest and true and vulnerable. No pointless attacks at you to avoid my discomfort. But you have to do your bit because when you start behaving like a moron, I can't help but punish you. Now there's ugly.

comrademoomoo · Jun 12, 2023 at 06:06 AM

You aren't her.

comrademoomoo · Jun 12, 2023 at 06:08 AM

.. Or her.

ArtieTheSequal · Jun 12, 2023 at 07:59 AM

BIG stuff happening, L. Saying that was a potent question you asked on Friday is an understatement if ever there was one. Much to share when Friday rolls around.

DigitalDarkroom · Jun 12, 2023 at 05:35 PM

A1,

I was thinking about you today at session time. It gave me comfort knowing you are vacationing in my happy place. I am glad the air quality is better. I hope you ate a slice of pizza. I hope you are taking a lot of pictures. See you in 7 days!

A2

LonesomeTonight · Jun 12, 2023 at 07:02 PM

Dear T,
I appreciated our discussion today. I think I have a bit of a better understanding of what was happening for you with the "I love you." It helps to know you'd never even given a thought to terminating at the time. I would like to continue the conversation--maybe Wednesday? I guess I'll see what's going on then. I'm just trying to be aware that I'll be away at least part of next week.

And it's a little frustrating that you'll be away next Friday--that will be the second random day you've been off since I asked you a few weeks ago and you said "I don't think I'll have any more days off until my vacation at the end of July." I mean, in this case, it made scheduling for next week easier, and I was only planning to see you twice anyway. Just concerned this will become a regular thing. I guess it would help me with the goal of twice a week? And you do deserve time off, of course! But still...

Love,
LT

pliepla · Jun 13, 2023 at 09:48 AM

"Trust life," you say. You do realize that so far life did not really offer me a lot to build that trust on, right? If my life would not have so treacherous, I wouldn't see you, would I?

LostOnTheTrail · Jun 13, 2023 at 10:32 AM

I'm holding on to these words of yours from today: 'Forgive yourself for how you got here.'

I know it's odd that I'm thinking about these hospital appointments in relation to pre-existing trigger dates, but...you know how that works by now.

Also, there's no point in me telling you that I'm OK when I'm not. I've realised that now.

Thanks for being transparent with me over the work thing, and reassuring me that I'm not especially the reason you wouldn't do that training.

Mountaindewed · Jun 13, 2023 at 01:09 PM

So we both agreed that our virtual sessions were more productive and more deeper then our in person ones. So we're doing zoom until August then reevaulting. My transference T also told me our sessions got deeper after we went to zoom because of the pandemic but I learned that telehealth was the never the issue when it came to her.

LostOnTheTrail · Jun 13, 2023 at 01:28 PM

We need to talk about the pride month piece of all this more, because you're the only person I feel can hold that.

Even though I've finished that notebook, I can imagine I'll keep adding to the list of questions.

comrademoomoo · Jun 13, 2023 at 03:34 PM

I should have listened to you about the job

ArtieTheSequal · 10:13 PM

oh gosh L health stuff has come up this week that is threatening my equilibrium. i want to try to handle this for now and not call you unless I find out i have to reschedule Friday's session. I will know tomorrow. Although I don't know what good it would do to talk about it now before I actually really know anything diagnosis-wise - I'm nervous about the upcoming test and of course scared that I have the C word, because it's a possibility per my dr. A small possibility, but still, a possibility. Maybe talking about it would help, but maybe it would just make me more nervous. I think I want to try to just forget about it until the next test, whenever it is going to be.

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVI

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Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,235 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,783 hugs given	Jun 10, 2023 at 05:44 PM #361 I was tempted to email you today, but I was able to work things out myself. I feel better now. We do need to talk a lot on Monday though. __________________ Ridin' with Biden

DigitalDarkroom Junior Member Member Since Jun 2023 Location: Wonderland Posts: 16 73 hugs given	Jun 10, 2023 at 11:04 PM #362 Dear A1, I am so glad you are actually taking a week off to relax and recharge. You work way too hard. I told you I would miss you - you said you would miss me, too. I am glad you are gone this week, but I really can’t wait until you get back. A2

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,768 (SuperPoster!) 9 75k hugs given	Jun 11, 2023 at 06:30 AM #364 Dear T, Well, I'm certainly not telling you about that dream! Though interesting that, like another dream, I was the one who put a stop to it. Love, LT

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,235 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,783 hugs given	Jun 11, 2023 at 04:01 PM #366 Why don't you ever push me or disagree with me? Is that why we get along so well? Or is it because I actually try your suggestions and metaphors and examples and find them helpful? Or do you just have too many clients who also pay you? __________________ Ridin' with Biden

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,239 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,775 hugs given	Jun 11, 2023 at 05:52 PM #367 That was quite a potent question you asked on Friday. It has generated much work on my part already. See, this is why I keep coming back. You ask such damn good questions...

comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,715 5	Jun 12, 2023 at 06:06 AM #370 You aren't her.

comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,715 5	Jun 12, 2023 at 06:08 AM #371 .. Or her.

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,239 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,775 hugs given	Jun 12, 2023 at 07:59 AM #372 BIG stuff happening, L. Saying that was a potent question you asked on Friday is an understatement if ever there was one. Much to share when Friday rolls around.

DigitalDarkroom Junior Member Member Since Jun 2023 Location: Wonderland Posts: 16 73 hugs given	Jun 12, 2023 at 05:35 PM #373 A1, I was thinking about you today at session time. It gave me comfort knowing you are vacationing in my happy place. I am glad the air quality is better. I hope you ate a slice of pizza. I hope you are taking a lot of pictures. See you in 7 days! A2

pliepla Member Member Since Oct 2019 Location: Ghent, Belgium Posts: 250 4 70 hugs given	Jun 13, 2023 at 09:48 AM #375 "Trust life," you say. You do realize that so far life did not really offer me a lot to build that trust on, right? If my life would not have so treacherous, I wouldn't see you, would I?

comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,715 5	Jun 13, 2023 at 03:34 PM #379 I should have listened to you about the job