Couch 243: Winchester Cathedral

Lemoncake · Mar 28, 2023 at 02:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

Thanks LT. My MRI is tomorrow evening.

I hope you can find some pain relief soon.

LonesomeTonight · Mar 28, 2023 at 06:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

Thanks for helping me navigate my therapy situation yesterday. There was another volley of emails this morning that didn't exactly leave me feeling that great about the situation. I showed up about 10 minutes late to my session today with the intention of returning some books he'd loaned me and getting a read on the room. I felt like if I didn't show up in some fashion today, that I would never show up again, and I guess I wasn't ready to give up on this relationship over some hurtful emails. I cried a lot. He pointed out some patterns we seem to have fallen into and suggested ways around those patterns. Not just mine, but his too. I'm not completely passed this, but I think there's a way forward.

I'm glad you feel like there's a way forward with him. And that he's noticing his own patterns, too. With something like this, about the money, I don't think it would be solved in a single session or email anyway, but might be an ongoing discussion or something that will come up periodically.

LonesomeTonight · Mar 28, 2023 at 06:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

A T should be your biggest cheerleader when you’re making positive changes that benefit your health. You said previously that he works with sport folks - how would that motivate them?

That's a good question. I mean, I'm certainly not a sport person. Maybe that's why he's being this way?

He has been a cheerleader for me lately with the memoir and my writing in general. Maybe that's part of why this feels so jarring?

I did end up emailing when I couldn't sleep in the middle of the night, in part about this, but also regarding the medical test and something else he said at the end of session that was sort of related that keeps bothering me. (Aside from sending him a link to an old SNL skit I'd referenced a couple weeks ago, where all I said was "here you go," this is the first email I've sent him in over a month, so I still think that's progress.)

LonesomeTonight · Mar 28, 2023 at 06:51 AM

He replied to the email. For the walking part, he said "I’m against you setting yourself up for a challenge that would, in my opinion, be highly likely to cause you stress and disappointment. Maybe we can find a challenge that also excites you and meets you where you are right now with exercise goals?"

I understand what he means, but isn't part of the idea of a "challenge" to, well, push myself?

velcro003 · Mar 28, 2023 at 07:11 AM

*roll eyes emoji*

I kind of think he is full of sh** about this.

LonesomeTonight · Mar 28, 2023 at 07:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

*roll eyes emoji*

I kind of think he is full of sh** about this.

Thanks, Velcro. Yeah, it feels like he's just kind of doubling down. Like, "Well, I don't think you can do this, so that's why I said it."

I feel similarly about the rest of the email. Like I'm not angry about it or really upset with him. Just sort of "meh."

I would say I shouldn't have sent it, but it does set us up for some discussion tomorrow (for one part, he actually said "let's discuss this more tomorrow"). And I likely would have just avoided some of this stuff had I not emailed. Then it would have built up in my mind while he's away next week.

Were you able to get any sleep last night? I hope the MRI today gives some answers (though I imagine you won't get results right away).

Lemoncake · Mar 28, 2023 at 09:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

He replied to the email. For the walking part, he said "I’m against you setting yourself up for a challenge that would, in my opinion, be highly likely to cause you stress and disappointment. Maybe we can find a challenge that also excites you and meets you where you are right now with exercise goals?"

I understand what he means, but isn't part of the idea of a "challenge" to, well, push myself?

I'm sorry but I'm so annoyed at him. Walking 3.3 miles daily is not 330 miles . It is 100% possible for you. I did it this morning on the treadmill at the gym. I had my speed set on low on average 3mph and still did it in under 100 mins.

Why does he get to decide what is possible for you?

You deserve someone who will automatically say "awww amazing" or "fantastic!" not fill your head with doubt. You don't have to be an athlete to get it done.

Lemoncake · Mar 28, 2023 at 09:23 AM

I did have a session with Fin today, but I didn't want to talk about the shame so we talked about other stuff. He said it was okay to go at my pace.

stopdog · Mar 28, 2023 at 10:03 AM

I can see where someone might think that going from nothing to something every day might be a bit much. Walking 3 miles a day is not that far or strenuous but to do it daily would mean being committed to finding an hour a day to do it = perhaps that is where the reluctance comes in - the idea that in a week or so it will become a problem to find time to do it and then fretting over quitting etc comes in to play.

Lemoncake · Mar 28, 2023 at 10:13 AM

The challenge doesn't have to be done perfectly though. There might be days where you might not do the full steps but you can do more on another day. Getting moving and even doing 21/31 days is still better then nothing.

How I walked over 100 miles in January and how it helped my wellbeing - She Gets Around

LonesomeTonight · Mar 28, 2023 at 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

The challenge doesn't have to be done perfectly though. There might be days where you might not do the full steps but you can do more on another day. Getting moving and even doing 21/31 days is still better then nothing.

How I walked over 100 miles in January and how it helped my wellbeing - She Gets Around

Thanks for sharing this!

stopdog · Mar 28, 2023 at 10:41 AM

If someone can handle it not being perfect then okay. If someone will be upset if not completed- then an issue. I can see where that guy might be concerned about such in this situation. Is the goal to finish the challenge or learn that not perfection can be tolerated?

LonesomeTonight · Mar 28, 2023 at 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

I can see where someone might think that going from nothing to something every day might be a bit much. Walking 3 miles a day is not that far or strenuous but to do it daily would mean being committed to finding an hour a day to do it = perhaps that is where the reluctance comes in - the idea that in a week or so it will become a problem to find time to do it and then fretting over quitting etc comes in to play.

Yes, it is a lot, and I imagine some days, I will struggle to find the time. Or if I'm sick or injured. It sounds like it's acceptable to count daily steps of regular life converted to miles toward the goal. I announced on my fundraising page that I'll be doing that, though I'm pretty sure there's not going to be some sort of walking audit.

Plus they said we could start now to get a head start (it's by April 30 rather than 30 days). So I just returned from a 1.67 mile walk, which isn't too much, but it's something. I didn't let construction blocking the route I wanted to take stop me either (they wouldn't let me walk past, so I had to turn around).

And if I'm not able to do it, like I get halfway through the month, and I'm only at 22 miles, then I think there's still value in my trying to do what I can and accepting that, not beating myself up. Which is something that, in theory, Dr. T (or another therapist) could help with. Or that I could help myself with.

LonesomeTonight · Mar 28, 2023 at 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

If someone can handle it not being perfect then okay. If someone will be upset if not completed- then an issue. I can see where that guy might be concerned about such in this situation. Is the goal to finish the challenge or learn that not perfection can be tolerated?

This is something that I need to work on, learning that it's OK to not be perfect, to start something and not finish it and not beat myself up over it. Maybe I can talk to him about reframing it as that and helping me celebrate whatever I *can* do (as long as I make some sort of effort, that is).

SlumberKitty · Mar 28, 2023 at 12:14 PM

I'm not sure what to say in therapy today. These are always weird days for me when I don't know what to say. I guess this will be a good test to see how well New T does when I'm like, "Um....."

LonesomeTonight · Mar 28, 2023 at 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

I'm not sure what to say in therapy today. These are always weird days for me when I don't know what to say. I guess this will be a good test to see how well New T does when I'm like, "Um....."

Hugs, Kit. Is there a topic from last time (or another session) that feels unfinished? Sometimes, I'll start there. Or just tell her "I'm not sure what to talk about" and see where she goes with it. Hope it's helpful!

SlumberKitty · Mar 28, 2023 at 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Hugs, Kit. Is there a topic from last time (or another session) that feels unfinished? Sometimes, I'll start there. Or just tell her "I'm not sure what to talk about" and see where she goes with it. Hope it's helpful!

Thanks for the hugs LT. It's just hard when I have intense emotions at a different part of the week and then am emotionless or apathetic or something on the day of the appointment because it is hard to recall how that was and how it was affecting me. I wish I could have therapy when I need it instead of on the day it is scheduled!

LostOnTheTrail · Mar 28, 2023 at 03:19 PM

HUGS, Kit.

I'm not sure whether you've mentioned it before, but do you journal?
I know what you mean about being unable to access the emotions in session.
I've found it very useful to be able to lean on my journals when speaking to R after the fact.

Just a thought - I know there are phone apps you could use if writing by hand is difficult.

ArtieTheSequal · Mar 28, 2023 at 03:40 PM

good suggestion, Lost. I've been doing that very thing - writing pretty much every day as if I'm talking to L, and then bringing the writings in with me for reminders. Last week, I just read them verbatim because I wasn't so much "in" the feelings anymore and it was easier to just read 'em to her rather than try to remember how I was feeling when thinking about the stuff.

SlumberKitty · Mar 28, 2023 at 04:36 PM

Thank you Lost.

I do try to journal some. Some weeks I am better at it than other weeks. This week I wasn't so good at it.

It wasn't a great session. There was nothing wrong per se, but I was quiet and I feel like she just sort of filled the silence instead of helping me process anything. I'm a bit disappointed to be honest.

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Couch 243: Winchester Cathedral

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velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Mar 28, 2023 at 07:11 AM #225 roll eyes emoji I kind of think he is full of sh** about this.

Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Seattle. Posts: 9,786 (SuperPoster!) 7 10.2k hugs given	Mar 28, 2023 at 09:23 AM #228 I did have a session with Fin today, but I didn't want to talk about the shame so we talked about other stuff. He said it was okay to go at my pace. __________________

Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Seattle. Posts: 9,786 (SuperPoster!) 7 10.2k hugs given	Mar 28, 2023 at 10:13 AM #230 The challenge doesn't have to be done perfectly though. There might be days where you might not do the full steps but you can do more on another day. Getting moving and even doing 21/31 days is still better then nothing. How I walked over 100 miles in January and how it helped my wellbeing - She Gets Around __________________

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Mar 28, 2023 at 12:14 PM #235 I'm not sure what to say in therapy today. These are always weird days for me when I don't know what to say. I guess this will be a good test to see how well New T does when I'm like, "Um....." __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA