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Grand Member
Member Since Feb 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 913
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#1
Hi all. I would like to ask for some other perspectives if anyone is willing to share:
Somebody said to me that people can recover completely and 100% from trauma, if they decide to let go and move on. They said ‘you are not being abused now, but you keep going over and over the wound, so you are keeping the wound open’. They were using ‘you’ in a generic kind of way; but still there were only two people in the room, and they were speaking to me! So it felt personal. In a way, I can see it what they were getting at - the idea that we can get ‘stuck’ in a helpless or a compulsive way, going over the same trauma over and over again even though we have physically escaped from the situation. But I don’t think anyone can blame anyone for that - maybe that needs to happen for some people, we can’t always know their whole journey and where they are at… At the same time it really upset me. First of all, the person was saying that it is possible to be completely healed and never be upset or disturbed by the trauma that one has been though ever again. I don’t know whether that is possible for a one-off trauma, but my own experience is of long-term complex trauma (dx complex ptsd), and I definitely don’t think it’s possible. I DO know that it’s possible to recover hugely and have a really good and fulfilled and happy life - I am hugely grateful that this has been my experience. But I also think it’s totally unrealistic to think that never ever again will anything awaken the pain and the trauma which has been such a huge part of one’s formative experience. To me, it feels almost re-traumatising, because it feels like being blamed for one’s trauma. Would anyone share any thoughts about this? I would be interested to see others’ perspectives! Thank you in advance! |
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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: UK
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#2
I'm not sure it is possible to ever be completely healed from trauma (as in, you will totally forget about it), but with support and therapy it might be possible to get to a place where it is just an (unpleasant) memory stored away in the back of the mind, but no longer elicites a trauma response.
But I would think that would largely depend of the type of therapy used and the quality of the healing relationship between the therapist and client. __________________ To the world you might be just one person; but to one person you might be the world. |
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satsuma
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
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#3
I kind of see it, as someone else on the forums explained it to me, that trauma is like a wound. It will always exist, but you can heal from it. The trauma turns into a scar. You will be reminded of it, but at some point, it doesn't hurt as much.
The original trauma(s) could be gaping oozing wounds that take a long time to heal. Sometimes, it gets reinfected and you have to drain the wound. The process of healing could take years. And our bodies (and mind!) take different healing times and process. It has taken me 8 years to finally let go of ex-T. It still hurts what she did to me, AND I no longer want to carry the burden. The trauma my parents caused me still exist: both the direct and indirect pains. However, for them to exist in my life now, I had to split them into child-me parents and adult-me parents. Sometimes they merge when a parent triggers me. But for the most part, I keep them separated. The trauma they caused me will be a long process to heal from since it continues to affect me. But that's okay. I am healing. I'm processing it. And one day, I hope, I can let go of the burden like I did with ex-T. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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LonesomeTonight, satsuma, Taylor27
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Grand Member
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#4
Thank you East, I appreciate your perspective.
My long-term T said he saw this a bit like thinking about eczema or asthma - the condition is never going to completely disappear, but it can be managed so that it’s not impinging on daily life. I think for me that felt like a less blaming and more supportive and validating perspective. But perhaps some other people see that as ‘not wanting to move on’. |
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LonesomeTonight
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#5
Thank you Scarlet. It’s good to hear this - well done and kudos for you, for moving on and healing.
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Toodlepip
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#6
There's no objective way to know whether full recovery is possible, not least because recovery itself is a nebulous process. I think we need to tell ourselves that some version of recovery is possible because the alternative is very bleak and we are left in a desolate and existentially terrifying place.
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LonesomeTonight, satsuma
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Grand Member
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#7
I agree, comrademoomoo. It’s important to have hope! And I do believe healing is possible - I know it’s possible.
I think I felt so blamed because what this person was saying seemed to be so black-and-white. That if you’re still suffering - at all, ever - you’re kind of choosing to suffer because you’re choosing not to move on. That feels blaming to me. I’d like to believe in healing but in a more nuanced way. |
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Magnate
Member Since May 2017
Location: Earth
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#8
I think there are some people out there who are really personally invested in this idea that you can will trauma away. If they don't talk about it, don't think about it, and just pretend it didn't happen, then the effects of the trauma don't exist. Then they need to imply that people who can't/haven't adopted this strategy are somehow not trying hard enough in order to shore up the idea that trauma is completely controllable. So maybe consider whether the person telling you this has their own complicated past that they're trying to deny exists to everybody including themselves. I don't think the science at all supports what they're saying.
Nobody would say that a combat veteran with PTSD is just choosing to be triggered by fireworks. The same is true for people with C-PTSD. It's just that the triggers tend to be more subtle. |
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: USA
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#9
It took me decades and years of therapy to finally mostly move beyond my past. But I am largely beyond it. Only very rarely does something come up that stirs it up, but now I am able to get through those moments quickly and relatively easily. That past is there, but I guess it no longer feels traumatic if that makes any sense. It’s my history and I am glad it no longer drives my present. It took years to get there though.
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AliceKate, satsuma, SlumberKitty
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AliceKate, satsuma
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Grand Member
Member Since Feb 2017
Location: UK
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#10
Quote:
I had eight years of therapy, and it totally and completely transformed my life, but it didn’t eradicate all traces of trauma for ever. So… This has caused me to be much more cautious about sharing anything with other people. Unfortunately I think I need to be much more circumspect about this in future. Because this really wounded me in a place where I was really vulnerable. |
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ElectricManatee
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Grand Member
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#11
Quote:
I think I am pretty much there as well; but on this occasion I was reacting to a situation which could have been similar to what I went through when I was young, and it triggered the trauma. So it hasn’t completely disappeared, even after many years, and years of therapy. |
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healing from trauma
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Alberta
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#12
I have people in my life who do not understand at all the reason why I need to still talk about my trauma. I am learning to only talk about it with my therapist and a few people in my life who understands that I need to talk about it and it's my history.
I don't think we ever get healed completely from the trauma. People who try to shut us down do not understand probably because they themselves have not been there or are in denial. The healing process is always on going and can take years. |
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satsuma
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satsuma
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#13
This would bother me. I’m far from healed so I don’t know what it’s actually like to make it to the other side but what this person has said makes it seem like we are choosing not to get there.
That’s not right, it’s not that simple. It’s a slow journey and If it wasn’t, a lot of therapists would be out of a job too. It sounds like blaming to me |
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satsuma
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satsuma
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#14
Actually its true it isn't that simple and I also don't know why people say this as its pseudo psychology. Ptsd can be healed however by exposing someone to the trauma continuously, not the actual trauma itself but the memory of it but unfortunately people do not relive it all the time so they bury it and just remain in perpetual ptsd their whole life but this is what I have personally researched myself from a study conducted during ww11
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