Couch 244: Great Expectations

That's great news, LT.

Lateral flow tests are rough, so I'm glad you only need to do one more.

HUGS,

Lost

Thanks for the reply art. The main reason I'm pausing is just because of finances. I do think we could work it out and I'm glad.

Art you kept being half German a secret!

Could you do 90:10% on the holiday fund so that the other one would still be building up even if it was slowly.

Sending you love Lost.

Hope you also have support around you right now.

It's on Tubi and is actually free. I started watching season 1 last night. I did not remember how stern and almost mean the dad was back then! I'd completely forgotten that Mark Hamill played David in the first episode.

that's good news, LT. Hope you continue feeling better & testing negative.

I ordered my first set of home covid tests. But im gonna go get the bivalent shot pretty soon.

You’re dating yourself back to the days when women didn’t have careers and just popped out kids.

When did you last have your other doses?

Please. We prefer the term "advanced maternal age."

Wait, no, I doubt anybody likes being called that....

I can't even right now. Just had dinner with my parents and mentioned the camps that D is in this summer. One is a karate camp. My mom: "We were talking and think maybe she shouldn't be in the karate camp. We think that might be where she learned to kick people."

It took me some time to formulate an answer to that. Like, what? Guess we'd better unenroll her from that archery camp, too, so she doesn't start shooting people with arrows! (She is not actually in an archery camp, but they do offer them through the county.)


And thanks for the well wishes!

Right, I think that's what it's called for up to 40. A friend was pregnant at like 42, and they called *that* geriatric maternal age. Like she's 65 or something.

Just found an article talking about "Advanced maternal age (AMA) is the medical term used to describe pregnancy in people age 35 and older." I was 36 when my son was born, so I guess I qualified as such - I was on bed rest for the last month of my pregnancy due to risks.

If I ever get pregnant, I'd be consider high risk from the start. From the diabetes, psych drugs, and age.

I'm the Couch herstorian.

I was 40 when I had my daughter. No one ever said ‘geriatric pregnancy’’ to me…or at least to my face. I had a normal pregnancy without any issues.

Looking forward to this evening's CoDA meeting in about 5 minutes. hearing others share about their own experiences with codependency is so helpful. i told L the other day as I'm listening to people share, it's like I'm seeing myself all over everything they say. it wasn't like that last time i went to meetings like 5 years ago. I never knew what to say back then. It's more than a little telling that when I stopped going to meetings 5 years ago, I stopped doing the workbook at the "fearless moral inventory" step. I totally wasn't ready to do that back then. My excuse then was work, but... I could have found a different meeting - I just didn't want to do the hard work of the fearless moral inventory.

I've only been to 2 meetings before tonight's, but already it feels so very freeing talking and sharing with people who are struggling with the same thing. It just explains so much for me. I think tonight I'll introduce myself as a "gratefully recovering codependent" instead of just as codependent. I'm claiming my recovery - as I told L the other day. I think I figured something out - how to "do" things like this - by claiming it, by saying that I'm doing it while I'm doing it - instead of saying "I will do it tomorrow" or whatever. I claim it now and I do it now.

I don't know if I'm making any sense so I'll hush and go get my coda books and get ready for the meeting.

Wow, LT.

I'm stunned that your parents made that leap of logic.
If D can do something she enjoys and also keep fit, then surely that's a win?

Also, if karate camp is a new activity for D, then it's unlikely that the two things are linked.

Also, isn't part of the point of martial arts that they teach you controlled movement and increased awareness of your body? I have always understood that there is a focus on your body's strength, capacity but also how it is linked to your spiritual and inner experience? Like mindfulness, intentions, etc. Seems like these might be useful things for someone to get in touch with if they use their physical strength in unkind ways. I mean, in the case of a child with additional needs, kicking and stuff is likely rooted in other stuff like communication difficulties and so on. It's not like karate camp has the aim of churning out thugs.

And also, the more girls who know how to use the strength of our bodies, all for the better. The revolution won't happen if we are a legion of wimps and wallflowers!

I am going on my first solo camp of the summer tomorrow. Three nights camping next to a loch for swimming, reading and thinking. Maybe a bit of writing, maybe a bit of therapy reflection, maybe a bit of walking. Definitely lots of campfire eating. I am really looking forward to the peace and time alone. I have just spent a few days with my best friend and her family (which I love but it also takes its toll on me, I feel relationally exhausted); I am starting a new job next week at a high ranking university (I am happy to have achieved this, but I am feeling inferior and intimidated before even starting); I am due to see my mother in a couple of weeks which is traumatic (I am currently doing work in therapy about possibly ending that relationship and being no-contact rather than partially estranged so it feels particularly loaded at the moment). Yes, I am looking forward to peace.

LT, I strongly disagree with your parents. I used to do Karate. If it's a camp where they do anything right at all regarding the sport, it is a very respectful environment where you do not learn "to kick people" but to control yourself and use your force in a controlled way.
She probably learns where to kick so that it does not hurt or kill the person. How to kick so that it doesn't hurt herself either. But most of all how to show respect and have your body under control.

During my time in the dojo, I met a lot of people who I'd say were "difficult" kids. They even sometimes gave interviews for newspapers. They all reported that it helped them to have a place where they can hit and kick some stuff, so that they can release their emotions and then in normal day life be more polite and understanding, which is the other side Karate teaches you. I think if anything, it helps your daugther be more understanding of both herself and others.

The argument reminds me of "violent video games make people shoot others". No, they do not, they might even help prevent some attacks by giving people a sense of community and a valve for their feelings.

Agreed! And I told them that she was doing some kicking in school before she had that camp last summer.

This is a good point--all of it really. And actually, the camp she's in (just a week) is called "Girl Fit" and focuses on fitness and health in, well, girls. It seemed to have a rather empowering message.

Funny thing from today--I was talking about this with Dr. T and saying I thought she was just kicking, not doing some specific karate move. Then I did sort of a karate chop thing in the air. Dr. T (smiling): "Can I see that again?" Me: "No."

I hope you have a peaceful time. And I completely understand about it being exhausting to spend extended amounts of time with others.

Congrats on the job, too!

And I hope you make whatever decision about your mother that serves you best.

Thanks, CNS! It helps to hear about your experiences with it, including what the "difficult" kids said. I've also heard many times that it's great for autistic kids. But we're (H mainly) unsure how D would deal with the noise part if she were in a regular dojo (the camp was in a middle school gym). I guess the only way to know is to try it out....


I took karate for a few months maybe 15 years ago--I was not very good, though I wish I'd stayed with it longer. I was too afraid of holding the class back. I wasn't good at memorizing the various steps.

I think it would be good positive reinforcement. If she can respond to instructions to do something she likes and wants to do, this could really open stuff up for her. Like if the kicking is from frustration, a boxing bag could help relieve it.