Couch 245: STELLA!

Congrats on the mini cooler Una. I wish you both a long and prosperous together.

oh good. i'm rather tired of being a human. Or in cat language, hooman.

Gd, my pcp just sent me up. I am trying to calm down. I read something on nextdoor to distract me. I had sent in a topamax prescription refill request earlier this week. They sent it back to me late this afternoon, rejected with no freaking reason.

Good thing i still have 3 weeks of medication. Apparently it is going to take that long to jump thru all the gd hoops to get a refill. He cant just drop this med, you have to titrate down, which ive tried, and i end up with restless leg at night. Aholes. I am going to strangle his effin nurse. There, i feel a little better. I sent a new request right back in, telling them they would have to titrate. I mean, but that i dont want to titrate.

I hope they can get their act together and get it sorted for you in a more timely manner, Una.

I hope they can get it sorted for you in a more timely manner, Una!

I'm sorry Una, I hope they get it corrected for you without too much delay!

Thanks you guys. I just hate this adrenalin rush it gave me. I had just BARELY recuperated from the 4 day power outtage, and now i feel like crying all over again. I might actually have to do something physical to burn this off.

It is probably my karma that i will die from someone else's stupid mistake or incompetency.

ETA - OK, scheduled a haircut for wednesday. That should distract me!

Ugh, Una, I hope they can refill it soon.

Good session with Dr. T's backup, R today. There was...a lot. I wish I could meet with her again soon. I mean, I probably could. She's generally open to it, as is Dr. T. But I would need to figure out what direction I'd want to go with something we discussed first, in terms of whether and how to process something. Which I could maybe talk to Dr. T about.

We also talked about my trying some sort of body work, like massage or, something R had just come from and recommended, dry needling. There's actually a massage therapist in Dr. T's suite of offices (he sublets the space to them, plus R and others), and R said she'd worked with her before, and she does well with clients who are anxious about it and need to process emotions (without talking about it). My only other past massage experience, I had a panic attack partway through and lied to say I had to use the bathroom so I could have a break.

I said to R that maybe trying to work with that particular massage therapist could be good because she's in a general space where I already feel safe (plus, looking at her website, she does stuff like myofascial release and trigger point massage). But I don't know--if I'm trying to reduce money I'm spending on therapy, would it make sense to then spend some on massage? Though maybe that could help me in other ways. I'll ponder it. And I suppose I could always go once and see how I feel.

I found a 1bdrm apartment that H and I are going to look at tomorrow! I'm excited to see what's out there. This one is $700 less than we're paying for now, which is the price of dad's rent ($750). Plus, it's 20mins closer to L and my mom.

Hey, I’ll probably die from bottled-up rage at someone else’s stupid mistake or incompetency!

ETA: I see you’ve finally realized your long-standing dream of turning Dear T into a poop thread…

I'll probably die from bottling up my real self and pretending to be something I'm not for ****ing ever.

Please don’t pretend to be a high-wire acrobat, then…

Huh, i thought i was turning it into a tom cruise fangirl thread! same thing!

Good pbs documentary film on The Troubles. Except that Part 4 is on at an ungodly time. Wtf detroit! Hopefully i can find it online.

Also i cancelled my hair appt. It used to be a two-lady shop, but now its one, and i dont think its the lady who cut my hair last time.

I missed out the word life in my previous post!

Maybe you could go find a new hair salon or go out to eat instead on wenesday?

I think regular massages would be good for anyone. Maybe you could start slower given your previous experience. Not full body, but maybe just a head, neck and shoulder one whilst you're fully dressed? The other when you feel you can trust the person.

Thai massages are also done fully clothed too. I would feel like a pretzel afterwards though.

Just a random thought, but I think photography could really help you crack out of your shell. Having someone capture you as you truly are. Like the song from the greatest showman goes : "This is me".

It's a small project I started with my sister last year. It hasn't exactly been cheap, but I pay for a professional session with someone I found online. I've used the same person four times now and you can see the growth and change in her in each session. My sister was uncomfortable in the first session, but managed to relax with her and we got really good photos I then had made into a photobook.

Give this song a listen when you can:

RIP Jimmy Buffett

I like this version:

I cried the first time I watched that version.

The little hand hold from Wolverine was so cute to watch.