[MuddyBoots]

So I nearly drank myself to death and my case manager was there to witness it so she slapped me with another IEA where I was forced into a medical detox and did a 30 day program for co-occurring disorders.

But now I'm not getting any treatment? Something's changed since before I went in. The only one that gives a flying fck nowadays is my pdoc and even she is trying to schedule me so she can push me out the door quickly. But I haven't heard from my case manager in two weeks, haven't heard from my peer support specialist since the day I got out of residential, and in therapy my T blew up at me and was all "why do you come [to therapy]?" with a tone that said "why are you wasting my time, you hopeless POS?"

The only thing that's changed is they added a BPD dx (on top of schizoaffective, substance use disorder, and bulimia) and they put me on a shyt ton of meds that I took myself off of. I'm thinking I've become one of those stigmatized patients that they hate for ****** reasons.

What should I do? Because of my conditional discharge I have to stick with the ACT team and because of the substance use I have to stick with the co-occurring disorders team so I'm stuck with these people.

[LonesomeTonight]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I don't have any specific advice for you, except that if your pdoc seems to care more, maybe you could try to ask them what may be going on? Also, is your T a part of this team that you have to stay with? If not, I'd consider trying to find a different T.

[Nammu]

Sounds as if they are feeling hopeless to help you and taking it out on you. That’s not good or professional. You’d think they’d beef up their contact with you not have less contact. The yelling at you is not good, that’s on her and her issue. I’m sorry they are making you feel stigmatized. But it is their issue. Sorry

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

So I nearly drank myself to death and my case manager was there to witness it so she slapped me with another IEA where I was forced into a medical detox and did a 30 day program for co-occurring disorders.

But now I'm not getting any treatment? Something's changed since before I went in. The only one that gives a flying fck nowadays is my pdoc and even she is trying to schedule me so she can push me out the door quickly. But I haven't heard from my case manager in two weeks, haven't heard from my peer support specialist since the day I got out of residential, and in therapy my T blew up at me and was all "why do you come [to therapy]?" with a tone that said "why are you wasting my time, you hopeless POS?"

The only thing that's changed is they added a BPD dx (on top of schizoaffective, substance use disorder, and bulimia) and they put me on a shyt ton of meds that I took myself off of. I'm thinking I've become one of those stigmatized patients that they hate for ****** reasons.

What should I do? Because of my conditional discharge I have to stick with the ACT team and because of the substance use I have to stick with the co-occurring disorders team so I'm stuck with these people.

you asked what should you do... what do you ---want ---- to do, only you know what you want, need and are willing to do.

they put you on meds and according to your post you took yourself off of the meds.

they asked you why you go to therapy / or are in treatment.

If this was me I would start there. figuring out what you want to do,and why you want to be in treatment. theres a popular saying in the addictions world of alcohol and drugs - you cant help those who dont want to be helped, and sometimes they have to "bottom out" before they accept the help. (basic AA and NA montra stuff)

according to your post have gone through the detox, and they gave you meds for your disorder symptoms. but you stopped the meds, theres only one thing left in the treatment phase - therapy.

So starting there ....

maybe making a list of sorts will help..

when Im at a crossroads with my mental issues, my list is something like this...

why do I want to be in therapy?
then I write on that.

Why do I need to be in therapy?
then I write about that.

What do I want to accomplish in therapy?
then I write about that.

What things am I willing to do to help myself?
then I write about that.

what do I want from my treatment providers?
then I write about that.

What do I want from my treatment program?
then I write about that.

Is there anything I am not willing to do, if so why.
Then I write about that.

list three goals I want to achieve while in treatment.

when all the writing is done I give it all to my therapist and we develop a treatment plan that both meets my mental health teams standards and my own.

the hard part is being willing to follow through, its much easier if you are part of the team coming up with the plans rather than just all the treatment team throwing this and that in the mix. you know you best. you know what you want, need and are willing to do, if not meds whats left, therapy or you can keep drinking yourself to death right.

Your treatment providers getting harder on you now that they witnessed you in your addiction, is basic AA standards of - not cleaning up after the mess, or walking on eggshells, sugar coating the situation, excusing or coddling the alcoholic, instead make them face their addiction and behaviors. I have a sibling in AA. you might want to look into joining an AA - Alcoholics Anonymous group that meets in person. they are free and they are nationwide.

[MuddyBoots]

Pretty sure I'm one of those that have to "bottom out." Pretty sure "bottom" is dead.

[Therapy reviewed]

I finally got sober once everone took a step back from me. I was left facing my mess, no one left to lay the blame anything on, just me. It was the most terrifying and also illuminating insight of my life. That day was 01/15/2003... Not drank since

[comrademoomoo]

Originally Posted by Therapy reviewed

I finally got sober once everone took a step back from me. I was left facing my mess, no one left to lay the blame anything on, just me. It was the most terrifying and also illuminating insight of my life. That day was 01/15/2003... Not drank since

I agree with this. I was an alcoholic for years and stopped drinking at the point where I really started to focus on me - what my body was experiencing, what my needs are (true and pure needs, not wants or habits or compulsions), what I didn't want for myself. As I became more self-concerned and selfish, I stopped.

Everything in your post sounds very dramatic. Hate, death, pushing, fcks flying around, stigma, slaps, blowing up, pieces of shyt. Inhabiting a place of these extremes is a falsehood. Our lives, including our pains, are far more mundane and ordinary than this. Without these extremes, you can find new ways of being which aren't so grand and consuming.

When I stopped drinking (I might drink again, I don't plan to), I was able to stop because I focused on the simple and small thing of not physically buying alcohol. I just didn't buy alcohol. I didn't go to the shop. I cut off my supply by not leaving the house and did this one day after the other. Huge act of taking responsibility for myself, very hard to find the discipline, but it was a small, simple and straightforward intervention. Alcohol doesn't go in my basket and I am selfishly thinking about myself and no one else - and not expecting anyone else to do anything for me. There are so many little points where you make a choice - when you put on your shoes to leave the house, when you walk down the alcohol aisle, when you pick up the bottle, when you open your wallet. At each little point you can do it differently. I am not saying this will work for you, but finding your small (but ultimately huge) thing to control and take responsibility for could be a way in to feeling more wholesome. And then when you are sober, the real therapy work can begin and you might feel differently about your team and the support which is available to you.

[comrademoomoo]

God, I sound like one of those insufferable reformed drunks whose pious sobriety I used to resent so much ...