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#251
Nov 05, 2023, 08:47 PM
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I think one could just say sorry about your dog when walking out at the end. I doon't think there is any reason to call attention to "I imagine you don't want to talk about it...." or "I know you don't..." = that to me is bonking into a boundary you know is set and sounds like trying to get the therapist into that discussion.
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Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
 unaluna
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#252
Nov 05, 2023, 09:57 PM
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Quote:
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 unaluna
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| unaluna
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#254
Nov 05, 2023, 10:31 PM
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Oh you two
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Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
| atisketatasket, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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#255
Nov 05, 2023, 10:55 PM
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Quote:
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| unaluna
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| unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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#257
Nov 06, 2023, 08:29 AM
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Quote:
 If he offered and you want the session you should take it NP. You don't need to justify the cupcakes either. It's a cute touch.
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#258
Nov 06, 2023, 11:24 AM
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From what I have read, explaining gifts can come up in a lot of therapy. While not all gifts are a problem, and small homemade baked goods are common and not often a big deal - they can be.
" Many if not most authors seem to agree that a gift in psychotherapy requires the therapist to express genuine appreciation and gratitude and, when appropriate, to also explore the meaning and conscious or unconscious intent of the gift with the client (Knox, et. al. 2003)" Gifts in Psychotherapy and Counseling, by Ofer Zur, Ph.D.
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Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
| LonesomeTonight
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#259
Nov 06, 2023, 12:24 PM
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This rings true for me. I have given Dr. T exactly 1 gift in 6 years (and nothing to ex-MC--he had a stated no-gift policy--or ex-T), and we spent time discussing it both in the session I gave it to him and for parts of a couple other sessions, months later. Including where he opted to place the item in his office. It was for a 5-year therapy anniversary and cost under $25 (I figured $5/year wasn't much of anything). Honestly, in retrospect, I probably should have just gone with the thank-you note that went with it. As he seemed to appreciate that the most. Or just given him chocolate or a cupcake (store-bought, as I have never made candy and can't bake--though I can cook! A risotto seems like an odd gift though). |
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#260
Nov 06, 2023, 01:01 PM
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If you buy into that love languages thing, I'm pretty sure one of mine is giving gifts. Not necessarily receiving gifts, although a thoughtful gift is nice now and again. I've given small gifts over the years: some mandarins at Christmas, a cupcake near his birthday, some origami I made, homemade dog treats for his dog, a pretty rock I found. Hope he doesn't think I'm a weirdo.
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| LonesomeTonight
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| LonesomeTonight
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#261
Nov 06, 2023, 01:51 PM
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I take mental notes during conversations. Small things that show I was paying attention. Not always super expensive things, I once filled a small gift box with their favourite chocolate brands. I do however wish younger me had not been so generous . If anyone else wants to find out theirs: The Love Language(R) Quiz
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Last edited by Lemoncake; Nov 06, 2023 at 02:31 PM. |
| LonesomeTonight
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#263
Nov 06, 2023, 03:29 PM
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You mention the rock--I guess I did add a shell I found a few years ago at the beach to Dr. T's collection (with his permission), but I probably couldn't pick it out of a lineup (it was small and whitish, I know). I don't tend to give random gifts (in general), but I try to put lots of thought into what I give people for Christmas, birthdays, etc. (I was not particularly I used to be into sending cards and only picking ones where I really felt the sentiment, but have gotten away from that. |
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#264
Nov 06, 2023, 04:02 PM
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Today in sort of weird session moments, I was talking about something with ex-MC and his wife dying. That I was trying to remember when she died, in connection to something else that happened.
Dr. T: "Oh, I went to her funeral, I can look up the date on my phone." Me: "Uh...OK." He pulled it up quickly. He also used her first name a couple times in talking about her. He used to work with ex-MC (before I knew either of them), so I'm not at all surprised that he attended the funeral or would refer to her by name. Just wasn't expecting him to search his phone calendar to find the date. We did have a good discussion about some things related to that. I feel like I'm in a place that's distanced enough time- and emotion-wise where I can process some of what happened in a different way, more productively. Which is part of why I'm talking about it in there now (also due to working on the memoir). |
| Lemoncake
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#265
Nov 06, 2023, 05:51 PM
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That is odd, LT.
I don't know that I'd put someone's funeral into my phone calendar...although my memory for such things is annoyingly pretty good. I hope it wasn't too jarring for you. Hope the writing is going well!
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'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
| LonesomeTonight
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#266
Nov 06, 2023, 06:24 PM
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I put funeral/visitation times/place in my calendar which is linked on my phone.
__________________
Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
| LonesomeTonight
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#267
Nov 06, 2023, 06:34 PM
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Thankfully he brought up his dog himself. It was a relief because it was going to be the elephant in the room if no one said anything and I was hesitant to bring it up out of fear of upsetting him. Poor guy. I feel so bad for him.
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| ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, WarmFuzzySocks
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#269
Nov 06, 2023, 09:33 PM
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Or cheese as in bleu, Limburger, Roquefort, Kraft, Velveeta? |
| unaluna
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| unaluna
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#270
Nov 06, 2023, 09:57 PM
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I think im the canary in the coal mine on this: i always said that history and geography were my weakest columns on Jeopardy! - the first two. Now they dont even have them anymore, people are too uneducated. Mr moseley was on foyles war as a former schoolteacher and he said because all these schools got turned over to the war effort, we are going to have the worst educated generation after the war. Which is what they are saying now about the pandemic - just let everyone graduate even if they cant read or add. I love mr moseley. |
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#271
Nov 07, 2023, 01:04 AM
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The lockdowns and mask wearing also caused developmental delays in young children. Increased demand for speech therapy. Don't see all of them being supported adequately.
Thousands of Covid generation under-fives excluded from schools in England | Education | The Guardian
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| unaluna
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#272
Nov 07, 2023, 07:50 AM
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Morning couch. Sending hugs/headnods all around as wanted/needed/appropriate.
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| LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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#273
Nov 07, 2023, 08:23 AM
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Yes, i think he was checking his phone calendar. He uses an iPhone and Macbook, and the iCalendar can be linked to both (I also use both). Plus, it's searchable, so I imagine he just typed in "funeral" or her name and it popped up. |
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#274
Nov 07, 2023, 08:25 AM
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Thanks, Lost! I suspect just his regular calendar (like iCalendar, as he uses an iPhone and Macbook). And he does all his session scheduling through his phone calendar, too, so he might just use it for everything. It was a bit jarring, particularly his use of her name (ex-MC always just said "my wife"), but I'm OK, thanks. And I think it's something I could maybe even use in the writing? Definitely our conversation about ex-MC's wife. |
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#275
Nov 07, 2023, 08:28 AM
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Oddly, Dr. T and I were just discussing cheese yesterday, including Velveeta and bleu. |
| unaluna
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| unaluna
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RIP O) and he wanted some time alone to be sad. I've been thinking about him all weekend knowing how hard this is for him. We're supposed to meet on Monday and Tuesday. I feel kind of weird coming in to talk to him knowing he's going through this right now. I keep thinking maybe it'll be a distraction for him. I don't know whether to say anything else to him, especially given our latest troubles which seem to have been instigated by my desire to be friends with him. I brought in some doggie cupcakes to give her at our last session. I hope that wasn't too friendly, but in my defense, they were for his dog, who I have met on multiple occasions, not him.
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