Couch 246: Choose Change

Well done Art that's fab.

Should I also PM you my address?

I just googled "existential crisis" and learned that existential OCD is a thing. "It can present in the need to ask questions over and over again, or not being able to rest until you have answers to your questions".

Huh.

I think there may possibly not exist enough yarn in the world for me to crochet myself outta this. Maybe I should start crocheting myself a cave to go live in.

My head's certainly in a weird place today. My session this afternoon should be an interesting one.

Well, a lot has happened (sorry...long post!)

L took her leave and had her baby 5 days later. Beautiful baby boy. Mom and baby are well.

I've had 2 sessions with G. Horrible. Canceled my last session with him. We are not the right fit. It's so awkward and I have this desire to protect him. He's too quiet, reserved, and passive. I think I'm reading him as fragile and therefore weak. He's also just not as available as I need him to be. J says to just depend on him for email correspondences since I've had a mostly positive experience with that. L says to trust my wise-mind and gut, that it has never steered me wrong. I think L and I focused too much on not getting attached to a substitute support therapist, that we forgot I need a little attachment to develop a connection. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet.

Then the worst of it all: my ESA, Anya. Anya is my 9 yr old Sheltie. She's the one who went with me to sessions with L. Just before L's leave she got a UTI. We gave her antibiotics and she started vomiting and became lethargic. Switched meds and thought she was fine. She wasn't. Three days after L left, Anya was diagnosed with gallbladder mucocele: basically something clogged her gallbladder, and black sludge started solidifying in there. We thought medication could help, but her symptoms worsened. One week after L left, we had to rush Anya into emergency surgery. Once in surgery they discovered her gallbladder ruptured a few days before. She had less than 50% to survive the surgery. They wanted us to pay for hospitalization for the next several days, but that would have cost us $2k a night. So we fought them, had to sign an ama, and took her home. They said she'd probably die that night. But she didn't! I had to feed through feeding tube, give meds, or clean her drainage every 2-4 hours. It was exhausting. Both L and I were communicating during our morning feedings. It's been 10 days since her surgery and she is doing great! She already had her drainage removed, she'll have her feeding tube removed Sunday and her stitches removed Wednesday. Right now we're feeding every 8 hours, and meds every 4-8 hours. She's spunky again, eating on her own, pottying, everything. Oh, and we finally figured out how the UTI and gallbladder were linked: ecoli. Somehow (we don't feed them anything raw and their diet is 95% kibble), she got ecoli which caused both infections. The ecoli didn't cause the mucocele, but it might be why it ruptured when it did.

I am coping. Thanks to L being there even while caring for a newborn, and thanks to J and H stepping up, I'm okay.

I do want to say thanks to the concern and care from those of you here. I had to step away as it was becoming toxic for me. I'll try my best to not let that get to me. I did not mean to disrespect any of you.

P.S. - I got a tattoo in the mix of all of this. A hydrangea and a peony. They represent me and L. I can't wait to show L! She knew about it and gave me her blessing.

Hugs, Scarlet. Thanks for checking in and letting us know how you're doing.

Back from my session. Holy smokes I'm wiped; she pushed me pretty hard today, harder than she has in a long time, and I cried/sobbed a good bit, but some difficult/good work got done as a result. Damn she's good at what she does, when I let her be.

Big hugs, Scarlet. I've been thinking about you, and I'm really glad you checked in. And are managing. I'm sorry it went so poorly with G. But good on you for realizing he's a poor fit and stepping away. I'm glad J can support you some. And that your H is supporting you. And L, too.

So sorry your dog got so sick, but I'm glad she seems to be doing better. Overnight vet care can be ridiculously expensive--years ago, we had a guinea pig who had to stay overnight, and it was crazy how much it cost (had to get oxygen at one point)--we only learned how expensive afterward and were shocked. So it was good you knew in advance and could make a decision. I hope she makes a complete recovery. Sounds like you're taking great care of her!

The tattoo sounds lovely!

I hope you keep coping and that things get less stressful for you. Check in when you can. We're here for you.

Anyone here know anything about working with marzipan?

I’m giving a holiday open house next weekend and have a tube of marzipan sitting around. Like to use it.

I have had a marzipan cake that is just marzipan and eggs - I am not a huge marzipan fan but the cake was okay

Time for cake:

ATAT is gluten free

Among other admirable and tasty qualities...

Marzipan is one of my favourite foods. I didn't realise turning it into something else was necessary. Cancel the open house, eat the tube as is (and solo effort), job done.

Gluten-free recipes with marzipan

There are several that are just marzipan but some look interesting.

There are several that are just marzipan and they look especially interesting.

FTFY!

Still have cake with GF flour.

Amazon.com.

Perhaps I’ll cut a bit off the end of the tube and see what I think before committing to anything…

I had a carrot souffle crisis - I misread the amount of carrots and basically doubled the carrot amount -so I sliced it up and put it into the dehydrator and made really good crunchy carrot cookies - fairly decent for us as well with only 1/4 c sugar and 1/4 c almond flour and eggs and carrots (4 lbs - I was only supposed to use 2 but tried making it without my glasses - never a good plan) -so now we have carrot spice biscotti sort of snacks rather than souffle

Hello old friends.