Couch 246: Choose Change

atisketatasket · Jan 18, 2024 at 11:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChickenNoodleSoup

Atat, can't you use something like "Could you copy me on the email?". It omits both of the wordings you have given, so nobody gets annoyed.

Yeah, she could. My current problem is trying to figure out how to suggest a change gently without making it seem like either I or everyone else hates her.

She’s kind of a tense person.

stopdog · Jan 18, 2024 at 11:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Yeah, she could. My current problem is trying to figure out how to suggest a change gently without making it seem like either I or everyone else hates her.

She’s kind of a tense person.

My person was really good at this sort of thing - I have been trying to remember some of the things she did to help both her grad students and her colleagues on this sort of matter. If I remember anything useful, I will let you know.
My law school are a little more direct and blunt than other academic departments like the Humanities. My person used to interrupt me when we were out with her colleagues and tell them "Stopdog is a lawyer and they're like that" and when we were out with mine - she was just as different as I was with hers - mostly because it would take her forever to get to the actual point and it was often couched so (to us) non-bluntly that people missed it.

WarmFuzzySocks · Jan 19, 2024 at 03:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I prefer "please."

I have noticed non-native English speakers seem more likely to use "kindly." So I just chalk it up to that (if I receive that in an email). I also think "kindly" seems more formal.

I agree. To me “kindly” feels both more formal and feels a little grating, probably because it sometimes is used by native English speakers in a patronizing or condescending way.

A person who did not grow up with that context probably means it literally and doesn’t intend (or receive) the subtext. Can you approach it from that standpoint, placing it in a cultural/language context?

Also, just throwing out there for curiosity- does she have to change it? Even if everyone hates it.

WarmFuzzySocks · Jan 19, 2024 at 04:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

I've worked with a lot of people from India and "kindly do the needful" seems to be a common phrase there. Seems weirdly passive aggressive, but I don't think it's meant that way.

I love that phrase, do the needful. I don’t remember where I first heard it, I think from an Indian acquaintance. I use it on myself (mostly in my head) all the time.

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 20, 2024 at 07:30 PM

Did a little hiking this morning and I saw a crested saguaro - never seen one before, they're apparently pretty rare. From nps.gov: "'Cristate' or 'crested' saguaros form when the cells in the growing stem begin to divide outward, rather than in the circular pattern of a normal cactus. This is an unusual mutation which results in the growth of a large fan-shaped crest at the growing tip of a saguaro’s main stem or arms."

Anyway, it is cool looking.

LonesomeTonight · Jan 20, 2024 at 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

Did a little hiking this morning and I saw a crested saguaro - never seen one before, they're apparently pretty rare. From nps.gov: "'Cristate' or 'crested' saguaros form when the cells in the growing stem begin to divide outward, rather than in the circular pattern of a normal cactus. This is an unusual mutation which results in the growth of a large fan-shaped crest at the growing tip of a saguaro’s main stem or arms."

Anyway, it is cool looking.

That is really cool! Thanks for sharing.

LonesomeTonight · Jan 20, 2024 at 07:49 PM

While we're sharing pics: Snow from Dr. T's parking lot yesterday (taken through car windshield).

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 20, 2024 at 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

While we're sharing pics: Snow from Dr. T's parking lot yesterday (taken through car windshield).

So pretty on the trees!

LonesomeTonight · Jan 20, 2024 at 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

So pretty on the trees!

The whole drive there (lots of trees), I just kept thinking "this is so beautiful." Made me glad I'd made the drive instead of doing virtual (I was on the fence, as it was still snowing). Got about 5 inches total, I think?

unaluna · Jan 21, 2024 at 10:08 AM

Artie that is phenomenal!

unaluna · Jan 21, 2024 at 10:42 AM

I know you guys are waiting for the new couch!

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 21, 2024 at 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Artie that is phenomenal!

isn't it cool looking??

atisketatasket · Jan 22, 2024 at 12:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

I know you guys are waiting for the new couch!

Do you have some phobia about lett8ng the couch reach a thousand posts?

Like millephobia or some such?

unaluna · Jan 22, 2024 at 06:00 AM

Just tryin to get some conversating going!

Oh how i hate that word!!!!!!

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 22, 2024 at 08:02 AM

just for you, @@ i will

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 22, 2024 at 08:02 AM

post until this couch reaches

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 22, 2024 at 08:02 AM

1000 posts even though

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 22, 2024 at 08:02 AM

i really don't have anything to say

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 22, 2024 at 08:02 AM

that's worth a hill of beans

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 22, 2024 at 08:03 AM

but i don't feel like working this morning either, so here you go!

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
If people can't choose or change their personality...	Shadix	Relationships & Communication	56	Jan 02, 2017 03:05 AM
Couch 91 - Forget the small change	unaluna	Psychotherapy	997	Apr 08, 2015 08:22 PM

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

Our community offers: No spam. No trolls. No social media connections.

Couch 246: Choose Change

My Support Forums

unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 40,932 (SuperPoster!) 13 68.8k hugs given	Jan 21, 2024 at 10:08 AM #990 Artie that is phenomenal!

unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 40,932 (SuperPoster!) 13 68.8k hugs given	Jan 21, 2024 at 10:42 AM #991 I know you guys are waiting for the new couch!

unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 40,932 (SuperPoster!) 13 68.8k hugs given	Jan 22, 2024 at 06:00 AM #994 Just tryin to get some conversating going! Oh how i hate that word!!!!!!

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,593 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,006 hugs given	Jan 22, 2024 at 08:02 AM #995 just for you, @@ i will

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,593 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,006 hugs given	Jan 22, 2024 at 08:02 AM #996 post until this couch reaches

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,593 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,006 hugs given	Jan 22, 2024 at 08:02 AM #997 1000 posts even though

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,593 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,006 hugs given	Jan 22, 2024 at 08:02 AM #998 i really don't have anything to say

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,593 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,006 hugs given	Jan 22, 2024 at 08:02 AM #999 that's worth a hill of beans

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,593 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,006 hugs given	Jan 22, 2024 at 08:03 AM #1000 but i don't feel like working this morning either, so here you go!