Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVII

speckofdust · Jan 23, 2024 at 05:31 AM

Wow, it's really over. Therapeutically speaking.

LostOnTheTrail · Jan 23, 2024 at 01:22 PM

Today I had a follow up Zoom interview with an anthropology graduate that I aided in her research on online memorials back in 2018.

Of course, the conversation back then was all about Chris. It seems like an act of serendipity from the universe itself that she got in touch last night, when today 'marks' 17 years since Chris and I last spoke.

Possible trigger:

17 years since I understood on some level that my friend was going to die.

It didn't feel right to enter into that discussion without 'updating' her on my current griefscape.

I pre-emptively answered a question that she didn't ask, about why I don't have a similar online memorial for Steve.

Well, I do, but it's not 'live'...it's not something I can add to.

I think me doing something like that would hurt too many people.

Perhaps that's something we could talk about on Thursday, as I wrestle with the issue of whether I can even remember Steve in the same way...

Mountaindewed · 10:29 PM

I emailed you about 4 times in the past 24 hours. Either your busy or I've crossed the email boundary finally.

I did tell you to start pushing me more though. Maybe you are trying to push me into handling things on my own?

I've been reading Reddit threads about how people are thinking

Possible trigger:

a certain celebrity is gonna off themselves eventually

so I guess I have been handling things on my own.

Mountaindewed · Jan 24, 2024 at 03:23 PM

I bet you will be *****y about the weather in the morning. Its not even raining.

LonesomeTonight · Jan 24, 2024 at 04:59 PM

Dear T,

I doubt you'd ever do something like that handwriting book thing with me. Part of me wants to talk about that, but I'm not sure it would be a fruitful discussion? I mean, I imagine that client wasn't attached to you, and maybe you just opted to do the same thing they were doing. Not that I'd want to work on handwriting! But something else? I imagine Friday I'll just be talking about the IEP meeting, though I guess it depends on how eventful (or not) it is.

Love,
LT

LostOnTheTrail · Jan 24, 2024 at 06:58 PM

Good luck keeping up with me tomorrow.
My head has been whirring like a pinball machine.

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 24, 2024 at 07:07 PM

I think I'll be taking a break again soon. We should talk about it. With the changes at work, my schedule's going to change too, and it's looking like I won't have Fridays off anymore. We're doing a shift bid next week, but it won't be taking effect just yet. At least we have a little time to talk about it.

I hate change.

Mountaindewed · Jan 25, 2024 at 12:57 AM

I love that picture of you from a few years ago looking pissed off. You are always in such a good mood and laughing when we meet. I wonder what annoyed you so much that day.

speckofdust · Jan 25, 2024 at 07:00 AM

I truly cannot make it without you.

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 25, 2024 at 12:24 PM

I am trying to accept these upcoming work changes with grace, reminding myself that change brings growth, and that I can handle it.

Mountaindewed · Jan 25, 2024 at 03:41 PM

I'm eating canned aspargus out of a coffee mug right now and I tried positive reinforcement and yeah I know I'm a total hypocrite. 2 sessions next week will work.

LostOnTheTrail · Jan 26, 2024 at 04:36 AM

I drove myself mad late last night trying to find something in an old journal.

What you said about writing the questions down reminded me that I started doing that while we were working virtually, because it wasn't safe to ask them.

Turns out they're exactly the same from last April to now.

LostOnTheTrail · Jan 26, 2024 at 11:12 AM

I've been muddling through today, but if this weird feeling doesn't lift over the weekend, I'm going to call E on Monday.

Next Thursday's going to be one hell of a conversation.

Lemoncake · Jan 26, 2024 at 05:03 PM

I felt happy to be alive today.

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 26, 2024 at 06:13 PM

Dude is it your mission in life to bring me down when I'm feeling pretty good?! I mean what the actual ****? That was so hard today. I really wanted to ask you for a hug but I just couldn't. It's just business, right? And hugs don't belong in a business setting. It's like you said when I asked how you put up with me, I pay you to. I suppose that was a dose of reality that I badly needed to hear. And then when you said you get a workout - gee thanks, now I feel guilty.

I need to end this, and I need to end it soon.

Mountaindewed · Jan 26, 2024 at 06:15 PM

Sorry about that panic email. At least it went away. Thats good progress.

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 26, 2024 at 07:12 PM

Part of me still can't believe you said that. 😔

And btw, I still hate this parts crap.

LonesomeTonight · Jan 26, 2024 at 07:24 PM

Dear T,

Really hope you (or I) didn't get Covid from R Wednesday. (And then me potentially from you today.) That would be like my worst birthday present ever! And would keep me from being able to see you in person before you go away in about a week.So, fingers crossed, knock on wood, and all that. Stay healthy.

Also, so you write short stories, eh? I got that sense, from something you said before. Would love to read one, though I'm sure you wouldn't share with me (and not just because I'm an editor!) Maybe writing (along with political views) is something we actually have in common?

Love you,
LT

LonesomeTonight · Jan 26, 2024 at 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

Dude is it your mission in life to bring me down when I'm feeling pretty good?! I mean what the actual ****? That was so hard today. I really wanted to ask you for a hug but I just couldn't. It's just business, right? And hugs don't belong in a business setting. It's like you said when I asked how you put up with me, I pay you to. I suppose that was a dose of reality that I badly needed to hear. And then when you said you get a workout - gee thanks, now I feel guilty.

I need to end this, and I need to end it soon.

Hugs, Artie. I'm sorry she said that. (Hope it's OK to reply here!) Those moments of reality with T's can be so painful...

Feel free to PM me to talk about it more, if you want. I'm here to listen.

speckofdust · Jan 27, 2024 at 02:15 AM

Why must I chase you?

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVII

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speckofdust Grand Member Member Since May 2016 Location: USA Posts: 901 8 296 hugs given	Jan 23, 2024 at 05:31 AM #221 Wow, it's really over. Therapeutically speaking. __________________ https://imaginativefusion.wixsite.com/mysite/blog *Winners are losers who got up and gave it one more try.* - Dennis DeYoung "It is possible to turn poison into medicine." ~ Tina Turner Remember we're all in this alone. ~ Lily Tomlin

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 38,770 (SuperPoster!) 8 9,749 hugs given	Jan 24, 2024 at 03:23 PM #224 I bet you will be *****y about the weather in the morning. Its not even raining. __________________ I'm Blue

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,595 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,009 hugs given	Jan 24, 2024 at 07:07 PM #227 I think I'll be taking a break again soon. We should talk about it. With the changes at work, my schedule's going to change too, and it's looking like I won't have Fridays off anymore. We're doing a shift bid next week, but it won't be taking effect just yet. At least we have a little time to talk about it. I hate change.

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 38,770 (SuperPoster!) 8 9,749 hugs given	Jan 25, 2024 at 12:57 AM #228 I love that picture of you from a few years ago looking pissed off. You are always in such a good mood and laughing when we meet. I wonder what annoyed you so much that day. __________________ I'm Blue

speckofdust Grand Member Member Since May 2016 Location: USA Posts: 901 8 296 hugs given	Jan 25, 2024 at 07:00 AM #229 I truly cannot make it without you. __________________ https://imaginativefusion.wixsite.com/mysite/blog *Winners are losers who got up and gave it one more try.* - Dennis DeYoung "It is possible to turn poison into medicine." ~ Tina Turner Remember we're all in this alone. ~ Lily Tomlin

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,595 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,009 hugs given	Jan 25, 2024 at 12:24 PM #230 I am trying to accept these upcoming work changes with grace, reminding myself that change brings growth, and that I can handle it.

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 38,770 (SuperPoster!) 8 9,749 hugs given	Jan 25, 2024 at 03:41 PM #231 I'm eating canned aspargus out of a coffee mug right now and I tried positive reinforcement and yeah I know I'm a total hypocrite. 2 sessions next week will work. __________________ I'm Blue

Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Seattle. Posts: 9,953 (SuperPoster!) 7 10.5k hugs given	Jan 26, 2024 at 05:03 PM #234 I felt happy to be alive today. __________________

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 38,770 (SuperPoster!) 8 9,749 hugs given	Jan 26, 2024 at 06:15 PM #236 Sorry about that panic email. At least it went away. Thats good progress. __________________ I'm Blue

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,595 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,009 hugs given	Jan 26, 2024 at 07:12 PM #237 Part of me still can't believe you said that. 😔 And btw, I still hate this parts crap.

speckofdust Grand Member Member Since May 2016 Location: USA Posts: 901 8 296 hugs given	Jan 27, 2024 at 02:15 AM #240 Why must I chase you? __________________ https://imaginativefusion.wixsite.com/mysite/blog *Winners are losers who got up and gave it one more try.* - Dennis DeYoung "It is possible to turn poison into medicine." ~ Tina Turner Remember we're all in this alone. ~ Lily Tomlin