Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVII

Mountaindewed · Mar 15, 2024 at 06:55 PM

I had a crush on a medical doctor last year and I could have had a test done to um, help test my perfromance, but I said no because I was worried something else would instead during the test. Idk if it would have but I didn't want to find out. I kinda want to tell you this just to see what your thoughts would be.

It wasn't necessary anyways though.

Elio · Mar 17, 2024 at 07:36 PM

Dr. S. 7 weeks since the goodbye email. I need to get over myself. Bottom line, I am not coping well.

ArtieTheSequal · Mar 17, 2024 at 07:43 PM

Gosh, I miss you.

ArtieTheSequal · Mar 17, 2024 at 08:43 PM

I need to figure out how to find some closure here.

LostOnTheTrail · Mar 18, 2024 at 04:42 PM

I was watching a documentary tonight about a dog rescue centre in Australia.
The staff match the available dogs to the people that come looking for companionship.

A woman came in with her son...her husband died 18 months ago.
She didn't say how at first, and then she mentioned that he 'lost his battle with mental illness.'

Their son was the same age as Steve's eldest.

Falling apart whilst trying not to fall apart visibly.
This new version of me decided to speak up, instead of ruminate.

Sometimes I just need someone to bear witness, without offering insight.
Family offered insight instead.

Possible trigger:

'That's the one thing that usually stops them....knowing what it would do to their children.'

ArtieTheSequal · Mar 19, 2024 at 06:03 PM

I still pathetically wish you would respond to my email. But since I sent it 6 days ago - it's abundantly clear that you're not going to. Oh well. I don't know what I was expecting anyway.

I'll get over all of this eventually.

LostOnTheTrail · Mar 19, 2024 at 06:58 PM

So many threads, and I am having trouble working out where we need to go this week.

The thought of watching the video makes me feel unwell, so I am not ready yet.

ArtieTheSequal · Mar 20, 2024 at 12:22 PM

Thank you for giving me what I asked for. I'm turning the last page & closing this book now. It's not your job to provide closure for me; I need to find that inside myself.

Goodbye L, take care of you.

LonesomeTonight · Mar 20, 2024 at 01:18 PM

Dear T,

We started heading down a negative path there--well, you did!--with the "invasiveness" thing today. But we course-corrected very quickly. Your reassurance there helped. And that you seem to get it now--why I was trying to find those things out. That I was trying to feel safe. Not something I was doing to you.

I read some of the emails to ex-MC in working on that section. And feeling bad about how needy I was. I wish I could talk to you again before Friday... but I have the office hours for my course, and I'm hoping that will help, at least in the sense of maybe giving me direction and connecting to a few other people.

I'm also telling myself that it's just where I was in my therapy and development at that time. Like what you were saying about romantic breakups from long ago, how you were young and clueless then, and can look at it that way. I mean, it's not like I was 18, but I was still young in my therapeutic development. So I'll try to think of it that way.

Love,
LT

Mountaindewed · Mar 20, 2024 at 01:45 PM

Would you quit your job and drop all your clients suddenly if you won the lottery?

Idk I guess that amount of money would change somebody.

LonesomeTonight · Mar 20, 2024 at 03:10 PM

Dear T,

Also, I thought the memoir office hours were 2 hours, but she said it was only 1. So I felt oddly abandoned there...and no one else backed me up, so maybe somehow only I saw the 2 hours listed? And it was basically just introductions. Which was nice, in a way, but I was hoping for more content, to be able to ask a question besides "I thought we had over an hour left, not just 10 minutes?"

Wasn't going to go anywhere tonight, but I suddenly have an extra hour, so perhaps I will... Or I'll just take a windy walk on the beach (which I guess is "somewhere").

Love,
LT

LostOnTheTrail · Mar 21, 2024 at 07:08 AM

Did you find the abrupt end to this week's session odd like I did?

LonesomeTonight · Mar 21, 2024 at 08:43 AM

Dear T,

Ooh, I just wrote something (when I should be finishing my work and getting ready to head home) that I think you'll really like! I may need to share it with you tomorrow. Maybe that's why I slept poorly last night--my brain was working on this. I made a connection regarding my mom and her career/lessons about friendship that had never really occurred to me before.

Love,
LT

Mountaindewed · Mar 21, 2024 at 04:41 PM

You said "you never had strep before even as a kid? Thats pretty cool."
.
I wouldn't necessairly call whats going on right now "cool."

LostOnTheTrail · Mar 22, 2024 at 04:53 AM

Once upon a time I thought it would be a good idea to sign up for a grief poetry workshop.
Specifically around the topic of elegies

It starts in about an hour, and begins with an exercise writing about a dream of them...or making one up. Sleep is hard enough, so I have never dreamt of him.

I've spent the last three years trying to balance my thinking of him.

Possible trigger:

I am preparing to be skinned by this workshop.

LostOnTheTrail · Mar 22, 2024 at 08:06 AM

After the workshop I'm left with a sense that I really didn't know him well enough to write about him...which is a really odd feeling.

Mountaindewed · Mar 24, 2024 at 02:24 PM

Do you ever feel like your therapist is a bit of a sociopath? I think my transference therapist might have been one.

LonesomeTonight · 06:42 PM

Dear T,
Really wish you were in person this week...not sure how much I'll feel comfortable talking to you about tomorrow with H and D here. We'll see...
Love,
LT

Mountaindewed · Mar 24, 2024 at 07:27 PM

I told you I sleep in jeans for sensory reasons and I saw the face you made before you got ahold of yourself. These jeans are kinda too much though.

GeminiNZ · Mar 24, 2024 at 11:14 PM

T, i'm still angry with you. not so much for the boundary itself, but for not disclosing it until now. sure, you've apologised for that, but does an apology really offset a decade of non-disclosure of a pretty big (in terms of its impact on me) and important boundary? i feel like we've been doing therapy under false pretences. and while you're the one at fault, i'm the one who now has to resolve the situation--and the only way to do that is by somehow choosing between two options that will harm me. great work, dude.

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVII

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Elio ............... Member Since Sep 2006 Location: in my head Posts: 2,913 18 8,780 hugs given	Mar 17, 2024 at 07:36 PM #402 Dr. S. 7 weeks since the goodbye email. I need to get over myself. Bottom line, I am not coping well.

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,604 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,016 hugs given	Mar 17, 2024 at 07:43 PM #403 Gosh, I miss you.

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,604 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,016 hugs given	Mar 17, 2024 at 08:43 PM #404 I need to figure out how to find some closure here.

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,604 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,016 hugs given	Mar 19, 2024 at 06:03 PM #406 I still pathetically wish you would respond to my email. But since I sent it 6 days ago - it's abundantly clear that you're not going to. Oh well. I don't know what I was expecting anyway. I'll get over all of this eventually.

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,604 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,016 hugs given	Mar 20, 2024 at 12:22 PM #408 Thank you for giving me what I asked for. I'm turning the last page & closing this book now. It's not your job to provide closure for me; I need to find that inside myself. Goodbye L, take care of you.

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 38,802 (SuperPoster!) 8 9,764 hugs given	Mar 20, 2024 at 01:45 PM #410 Would you quit your job and drop all your clients suddenly if you won the lottery? Idk I guess that amount of money would change somebody. __________________ I'm Blue

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 38,802 (SuperPoster!) 8 9,764 hugs given	Mar 21, 2024 at 04:41 PM #414 You said "you never had strep before even as a kid? Thats pretty cool." . I wouldn't necessairly call whats going on right now "cool." __________________ I'm Blue

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 38,802 (SuperPoster!) 8 9,764 hugs given	Mar 24, 2024 at 02:24 PM #417 Do you ever feel like your therapist is a bit of a sociopath? I think my transference therapist might have been one. __________________ I'm Blue

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 21,618 (SuperPoster!) 9 76.2k hugs given	Mar 24, 2024 at 06:03 PM #418 Dear T, Really wish you were in person this week...not sure how much I'll feel comfortable talking to you about tomorrow with H and D here. We'll see... Love, LT Last edited by LonesomeTonight; Mar 24, 2024 at 06:42 PM..

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 38,802 (SuperPoster!) 8 9,764 hugs given	Mar 24, 2024 at 07:27 PM #419 I told you I sleep in jeans for sensory reasons and I saw the face you made before you got ahold of yourself. These jeans are kinda too much though. __________________ I'm Blue