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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,777
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Mar 15, 2024 at 06:55 PM
#401
I had a crush on a medical doctor last year and I could have had a test done to um, help test my perfromance, but I said no because I was worried something else would instead during the test. Idk if it would have but I didn't want to find out. I kinda want to tell you this just to see what your thoughts would be.
It wasn't necessary anyways though. __________________ Ridin' with Biden |
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...............
Member Since Sep 2006
Location: in my head
Posts: 2,912
17 8,780 hugs
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Mar 17, 2024 at 07:36 PM
#402
Dr. S. 7 weeks since the goodbye email. I need to get over myself. Bottom line, I am not coping well.
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 ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,358
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Mar 17, 2024 at 07:43 PM
#403
Gosh, I miss you.
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| LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,358
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Mar 17, 2024 at 08:43 PM
#404
I need to figure out how to find some closure here.
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| LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel, unaluna
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,864
12 3,173 hugs
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Mar 18, 2024 at 04:42 PM
#405
I was watching a documentary tonight about a dog rescue centre in Australia.
The staff match the available dogs to the people that come looking for companionship. A woman came in with her son...her husband died 18 months ago. She didn't say how at first, and then she mentioned that he 'lost his battle with mental illness.' Their son was the same age as Steve's eldest. Falling apart whilst trying not to fall apart visibly. This new version of me decided to speak up, instead of ruminate. Sometimes I just need someone to bear witness, without offering insight. Family offered insight instead.
Possible trigger:
__________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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| ArtieTheSequal, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,358
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,829 hugs
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Mar 19, 2024 at 06:03 PM
#406
I still pathetically wish you would respond to my email. But since I sent it 6 days ago - it's abundantly clear that you're not going to. Oh well. I don't know what I was expecting anyway.
I'll get over all of this eventually. |
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| LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel, unaluna
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,864
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Mar 19, 2024 at 06:58 PM
#407
So many threads, and I am having trouble working out where we need to go this week.
The thought of watching the video makes me feel unwell, so I am not ready yet. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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| ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,358
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,829 hugs
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Mar 20, 2024 at 12:22 PM
#408
Thank you for giving me what I asked for. I'm turning the last page & closing this book now. It's not your job to provide closure for me; I need to find that inside myself.
Goodbye L, take care of you. |
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| Elio, LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel, unaluna
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,906
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Mar 20, 2024 at 01:18 PM
#409
Dear T,
We started heading down a negative path there--well, you did!--with the "invasiveness" thing today. But we course-corrected very quickly. Your reassurance there helped. And that you seem to get it now--why I was trying to find those things out. That I was trying to feel safe. Not something I was doing to you. I read some of the emails to ex-MC in working on that section. And feeling bad about how needy I was. I wish I could talk to you again before Friday... but I have the office hours for my course, and I'm hoping that will help, at least in the sense of maybe giving me direction and connecting to a few other people. I'm also telling myself that it's just where I was in my therapy and development at that time. Like what you were saying about romantic breakups from long ago, how you were young and clueless then, and can look at it that way. I mean, it's not like I was 18, but I was still young in my therapeutic development. So I'll try to think of it that way. Love, LT |
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| ScarletPimpernel, unaluna
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,777
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,995 hugs
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Mar 20, 2024 at 01:45 PM
#410
Would you quit your job and drop all your clients suddenly if you won the lottery?
Idk I guess that amount of money would change somebody. __________________ Ridin' with Biden |
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| LonesomeTonight
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,906
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Mar 20, 2024 at 03:10 PM
#411
Dear T,
Also, I thought the memoir office hours were 2 hours, but she said it was only 1. So I felt oddly abandoned there...and no one else backed me up, so maybe somehow only I saw the 2 hours listed? And it was basically just introductions. Which was nice, in a way, but I was hoping for more content, to be able to ask a question besides "I thought we had over an hour left, not just 10 minutes?" Wasn't going to go anywhere tonight, but I suddenly have an extra hour, so perhaps I will... Or I'll just take a windy walk on the beach (which I guess is "somewhere"). Love, LT |
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| LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,864
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Mar 21, 2024 at 07:08 AM
#412
Did you find the abrupt end to this week's session odd like I did?
__________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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| LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,906
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Mar 21, 2024 at 08:43 AM
#413
Dear T,
Ooh, I just wrote something (when I should be finishing my work and getting ready to head home) that I think you'll really like! I may need to share it with you tomorrow. Maybe that's why I slept poorly last night--my brain was working on this. I made a connection regarding my mom and her career/lessons about friendship that had never really occurred to me before. Love, LT |
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| ScarletPimpernel
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,777
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,995 hugs
given
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Mar 21, 2024 at 04:41 PM
#414
You said "you never had strep before even as a kid? Thats pretty cool."
. I wouldn't necessairly call whats going on right now "cool." __________________ Ridin' with Biden |
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| LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,864
12 3,173 hugs
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Mar 22, 2024 at 04:53 AM
#415
Once upon a time I thought it would be a good idea to sign up for a grief poetry workshop.
Specifically around the topic of elegies It starts in about an hour, and begins with an exercise writing about a dream of them...or making one up. Sleep is hard enough, so I have never dreamt of him. I've spent the last three years trying to balance my thinking of him.
Possible trigger:
__________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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| LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,864
12 3,173 hugs
given
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Mar 22, 2024 at 08:06 AM
#416
After the workshop I'm left with a sense that I really didn't know him well enough to write about him...which is a really odd feeling.
__________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,777
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,995 hugs
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Mar 24, 2024 at 02:24 PM
#417
Do you ever feel like your therapist is a bit of a sociopath? I think my transference therapist might have been one.
__________________ Ridin' with Biden |
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,906
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9 75.2k hugs
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Mar 24, 2024 at 06:03 PM
#418
Dear T,
Really wish you were in person this week...not sure how much I'll feel comfortable talking to you about tomorrow with H and D here. We'll see... Love, LT Last edited by LonesomeTonight; Mar 24, 2024 at 06:42 PM.. |
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| GeminiNZ, ScarletPimpernel
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,777
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,995 hugs
given
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Mar 24, 2024 at 07:27 PM
#419
I told you I sleep in jeans for sensory reasons and I saw the face you made before you got ahold of yourself. These jeans are kinda too much though.
__________________ Ridin' with Biden |
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| LonesomeTonight
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Veteran Member
Member Since Dec 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 627
11 539 hugs
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Mar 24, 2024 at 11:14 PM
#420
T, i'm still angry with you. not so much for the boundary itself, but for not disclosing it until now. sure, you've apologised for that, but does an apology really offset a decade of non-disclosure of a pretty big (in terms of its impact on me) and important boundary? i feel like we've been doing therapy under false pretences. and while you're the one at fault, i'm the one who now has to resolve the situation--and the only way to do that is by somehow choosing between two options that will harm me. great work, dude.
 
__________________ "Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything." - Plato |
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| Elio, LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel, unaluna
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