Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVII

HALLIEBETH87 · Jul 25, 2024 at 02:43 PM

dear t

i wish i could just sleep time away and everyone would leave me alone

Mountaindewed · Jul 26, 2024 at 11:32 AM

I took your suggestion and used my treadmill for 10 minutes. Thanks for being cool about letting me vent. I don't normally vent to you but I'm kinda frustrated today. The treadmill did help.

LostOnTheTrail · Jul 26, 2024 at 12:13 PM

I cannot believe how tired I am.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 26, 2024 at 12:59 PM

Dear T,

I was trying very hard to not focus on it being the next-to-last session in that office. That was all important stuff we were talking about though, so it's not like we were just chit-chatting. It helped that you seemed empathetic about some of that.

Also, it struck me how you were saying basically every year has been bad in some way since about 2017. I wanted to be like, "So, since you've known me?" (I know it's more about political and world changes.)

Hope work on the new office goes as planned the next few days (even though I selfishly wish we could stay in the old one longer, of course).

Love,
LT

HALLIEBETH87 · Jul 26, 2024 at 07:45 PM

thanks for advising me to take care of myself but idk how to do that right now. life has become too much

LostOnTheTrail · Jul 27, 2024 at 04:51 AM

Even though I didn't want the last in person session to feel like the end of the year, I've found myself doing some of the therapy admin that I usually do then.

If we're changing the conversation, then I don't need the notes from the previous sessions to hand.

LostOnTheTrail · Jul 27, 2024 at 01:22 PM

Hi R,

Last session felt so weirdly unsafe that I have found myself emailing the people who run the online grief group to check that the session I've booked tomorrow with them is going ahead.

Consistency is everything...and I thought you knew how important that is to me, especially now.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 28, 2024 at 03:58 PM

Dear T,
I hope you respond in some helpful way to that email. I'm just struggling right now with it, and we aren't due to meet again until Thursday. And the next three days will be occupied with your move. Just felt rejected by your seeing me and shutting the door. Though maybe some of the rejection is also your canceling Wed.? And giving me Thursday, but then presuming I'd want to cancel Friday, which I just agree with. But maybe I'd want more time to process? You're having to cancel a lot of other clients, so I feel I can't ask.

This stupid part of me thought maybe you'd offer up Saturday (even though you don't usually work then--but to make up for 3 days of not working) or Sunday, but I guess not. It just feels like a long time.

Love,
LT

LonesomeTonight · Jul 28, 2024 at 05:31 PM

Dear T,

I feel like I'm dying...there's just all this pain.

Love,
LT

LonesomeTonight · Jul 28, 2024 at 08:10 PM

Dear T,

I guess that's how it is. I am alone in this. Maybe I just need to leave, I don't know.

LT

LostOnTheTrail · Jul 29, 2024 at 08:40 AM

Hi R,

At what point do people usually learn to sit with their feelings?
I feel like I'm missing that vital knowledge/ability.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 29, 2024 at 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

Hi R,

At what point do people usually learn to sit with their feelings?
I feel like I'm missing that vital knowledge/ability.

Right there with you, Lost. Hugs...

darkestpart · Jul 29, 2024 at 10:25 AM

t,

i don’t even know what to talk about tomorrow. i’m tired of talking about the same stuff over and over.

me

LostOnTheTrail · Jul 29, 2024 at 12:12 PM

I did not expect to put my website and author page into a kind of hibernation over the summer.

I can't write about any of this publicly, so there's little point in keeping them active.

HALLIEBETH87 · Jul 29, 2024 at 12:41 PM

i wish you werent on vacay. i coudl really use some support. i do see pdoc wednesday but gee i cant really talk to her. maybe shell up my risperdal this timeto take care of the stuff im experiencing

LonesomeTonight · Jul 29, 2024 at 07:47 PM

Dear T,

I hope stage 1 of the move went OK.

I miss you. And wish I could talk to you. But I'm not going to bother you tonight or tomorrow.

Love,
LT

LonesomeTonight · Jul 30, 2024 at 07:11 AM

Dear R,

I really hope you're able to create that opening for a virtual session tomorrow. I'm sorry I bothered you about it again--it's just easier for me to think I can talk to someone about this tomorrow than Dr. T Thursday. I think you'd be helpful in processing some of this, particularly things like Dr. T shutting the door of the waiting room. And he's too busy to bother right now (I'm sure you're busy, too, but he has to oversee the whole process, set up the waiting room, etc.).

Love,
LT

darkestpart · Jul 30, 2024 at 09:24 AM

t,

are you sure that story was about a client, and not about you? hmm…

me

LonesomeTonight · Jul 30, 2024 at 09:40 AM

Dear T.

**** you. You're not even letting me see R? Seriously, **** you. I may just cancel Thursday. And maybe just leave forever. You're not just abandoning me, you're not letting me go to someone else to help--well, not to someone I know. I hate everything about this move. Right now, I hate you, too.

LT

LonesomeTonight · Jul 30, 2024 at 11:17 AM

Dear T,

I wish I'd felt more caring from you in that call. It seemed to be more about whether I can continue to see R than about my distress. I really don't know if I want to keep Thursday's session, but I feel if I don't, then that might be too damaging to the relationship. Maybe I'll talk to you then, but think about taking at least one of the following week's sessions off the books, especially as I'll be away. Or perhaps all of them. I don't know. If you take away R, what else will you take away?

LT

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVII

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HALLIEBETH87 Legendary Member Since Oct 2004 Location: usa Posts: 11,599 20 2,808 hugs given	Jul 25, 2024 at 02:43 PM #741 dear t i wish i could just sleep time away and everyone would leave me alone __________________ schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 38,754 (SuperPoster!) 8 9,743 hugs given	Jul 26, 2024 at 11:32 AM #742 I took your suggestion and used my treadmill for 10 minutes. Thanks for being cool about letting me vent. I don't normally vent to you but I'm kinda frustrated today. The treadmill did help. __________________ I'm Blue

HALLIEBETH87 Legendary Member Since Oct 2004 Location: usa Posts: 11,599 20 2,808 hugs given	Jul 26, 2024 at 07:45 PM #745 thanks for advising me to take care of myself but idk how to do that right now. life has become too much __________________ schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 21,612 (SuperPoster!) 9 76.2k hugs given	Jul 28, 2024 at 05:31 PM #749 Dear T, I feel like I'm dying...there's just all this pain. Love, LT

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 21,612 (SuperPoster!) 9 76.2k hugs given	Jul 28, 2024 at 08:10 PM #750 Dear T, I guess that's how it is. I am alone in this. Maybe I just need to leave, I don't know. LT

darkestpart Member Member Since May 2017 Location: US Posts: 81 7 2 hugs given	Jul 29, 2024 at 10:25 AM #753 t, i don’t even know what to talk about tomorrow. i’m tired of talking about the same stuff over and over. me __________________ Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.

HALLIEBETH87 Legendary Member Since Oct 2004 Location: usa Posts: 11,599 20 2,808 hugs given	Jul 29, 2024 at 12:41 PM #755 i wish you werent on vacay. i coudl really use some support. i do see pdoc wednesday but gee i cant really talk to her. maybe shell up my risperdal this timeto take care of the stuff im experiencing __________________ schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 21,612 (SuperPoster!) 9 76.2k hugs given	Jul 29, 2024 at 07:47 PM #756 Dear T, I hope stage 1 of the move went OK. I miss you. And wish I could talk to you. But I'm not going to bother you tonight or tomorrow. Love, LT

darkestpart Member Member Since May 2017 Location: US Posts: 81 7 2 hugs given	Jul 30, 2024 at 09:24 AM #758 t, are you sure that story was about a client, and not about you? hmm… me __________________ Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 21,612 (SuperPoster!) 9 76.2k hugs given	Jul 30, 2024 at 09:40 AM #759 Dear T. ** you. You're not even letting me see R? Seriously, ** you. I may just cancel Thursday. And maybe just leave forever. You're not just abandoning me, you're not letting me go to someone else to help--well, not to someone I know. I hate everything about this move. Right now, I hate you, too. LT