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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,426
19 2,769 hugs
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#741
dear t
i wish i could just sleep time away and everyone would leave me alone __________________ schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety celexa, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 37,912
(SuperPoster!)
8 9,374 hugs
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#742
I took your suggestion and used my treadmill for 10 minutes. Thanks for being cool about letting me vent. I don't normally vent to you but I'm kinda frustrated today. The treadmill did help.
__________________ I'm Blue |
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![]() LonesomeTonight
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Human Feeling
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,228
13 3,409 hugs
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#743
I cannot believe how tired I am.
__________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,431
(SuperPoster!)
9 75.7k hugs
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#744
Dear T,
I was trying very hard to not focus on it being the next-to-last session in that office. That was all important stuff we were talking about though, so it's not like we were just chit-chatting. It helped that you seemed empathetic about some of that. Also, it struck me how you were saying basically every year has been bad in some way since about 2017. I wanted to be like, "So, since you've known me?" (I know it's more about political and world changes.) Hope work on the new office goes as planned the next few days (even though I selfishly wish we could stay in the old one longer, of course). Love, LT |
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![]() LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,426
19 2,769 hugs
given ![]() |
#745
thanks for advising me to take care of myself but idk how to do that right now. life has become too much
__________________ schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety celexa, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
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![]() LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel
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Human Feeling
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,228
13 3,409 hugs
given ![]() |
#746
Even though I didn't want the last in person session to feel like the end of the year, I've found myself doing some of the therapy admin that I usually do then.
If we're changing the conversation, then I don't need the notes from the previous sessions to hand. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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![]() LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Human Feeling
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,228
13 3,409 hugs
given ![]() |
#747
Hi R,
Last session felt so weirdly unsafe that I have found myself emailing the people who run the online grief group to check that the session I've booked tomorrow with them is going ahead. Consistency is everything...and I thought you knew how important that is to me, especially now. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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![]() LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,431
(SuperPoster!)
9 75.7k hugs
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#748
Dear T,
I hope you respond in some helpful way to that email. I'm just struggling right now with it, and we aren't due to meet again until Thursday. And the next three days will be occupied with your move. Just felt rejected by your seeing me and shutting the door. Though maybe some of the rejection is also your canceling Wed.? And giving me Thursday, but then presuming I'd want to cancel Friday, which I just agree with. But maybe I'd want more time to process? You're having to cancel a lot of other clients, so I feel I can't ask. This stupid part of me thought maybe you'd offer up Saturday (even though you don't usually work then--but to make up for 3 days of not working) or Sunday, but I guess not. It just feels like a long time. Love, LT |
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,431
(SuperPoster!)
9 75.7k hugs
given ![]() |
#749
Dear T,
I feel like I'm dying...there's just all this pain. Love, LT |
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![]() ArtieTheSequal, goatee, ScarletPimpernel
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,431
(SuperPoster!)
9 75.7k hugs
given ![]() |
#750
Dear T,
I guess that's how it is. I am alone in this. Maybe I just need to leave, I don't know. LT |
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![]() ArtieTheSequal, goatee, ScarletPimpernel
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Human Feeling
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,228
13 3,409 hugs
given ![]() |
#751
Hi R,
At what point do people usually learn to sit with their feelings? I feel like I'm missing that vital knowledge/ability. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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![]() LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,431
(SuperPoster!)
9 75.7k hugs
given ![]() |
#752
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![]() LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel
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Member
Member Since May 2017
Location: US
Posts: 80
7 2 hugs
given |
#753
t,
i don’t even know what to talk about tomorrow. i’m tired of talking about the same stuff over and over. me __________________ Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn. |
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![]() LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Human Feeling
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,228
13 3,409 hugs
given ![]() |
#754
I did not expect to put my website and author page into a kind of hibernation over the summer.
I can't write about any of this publicly, so there's little point in keeping them active. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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![]() LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,426
19 2,769 hugs
given ![]() |
#755
i wish you werent on vacay. i coudl really use some support. i do see pdoc wednesday but gee i cant really talk to her. maybe shell up my risperdal this timeto take care of the stuff im experiencing
__________________ schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety celexa, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,431
(SuperPoster!)
9 75.7k hugs
given ![]() |
#756
Dear T,
I hope stage 1 of the move went OK. I miss you. And wish I could talk to you. But I'm not going to bother you tonight or tomorrow. Love, LT |
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![]() LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,431
(SuperPoster!)
9 75.7k hugs
given ![]() |
#757
Dear R,
I really hope you're able to create that opening for a virtual session tomorrow. I'm sorry I bothered you about it again--it's just easier for me to think I can talk to someone about this tomorrow than Dr. T Thursday. I think you'd be helpful in processing some of this, particularly things like Dr. T shutting the door of the waiting room. And he's too busy to bother right now (I'm sure you're busy, too, but he has to oversee the whole process, set up the waiting room, etc.). Love, LT |
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![]() LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel
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Member
Member Since May 2017
Location: US
Posts: 80
7 2 hugs
given |
#758
t,
are you sure that story was about a client, and not about you? hmm… me __________________ Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn. |
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![]() LonesomeTonight
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,431
(SuperPoster!)
9 75.7k hugs
given ![]() |
#759
Dear T.
**** you. You're not even letting me see R? Seriously, **** you. I may just cancel Thursday. And maybe just leave forever. You're not just abandoning me, you're not letting me go to someone else to help--well, not to someone I know. I hate everything about this move. Right now, I hate you, too. LT |
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,431
(SuperPoster!)
9 75.7k hugs
given ![]() |
#760
Dear T,
I wish I'd felt more caring from you in that call. It seemed to be more about whether I can continue to see R than about my distress. I really don't know if I want to keep Thursday's session, but I feel if I don't, then that might be too damaging to the relationship. Maybe I'll talk to you then, but think about taking at least one of the following week's sessions off the books, especially as I'll be away. Or perhaps all of them. I don't know. If you take away R, what else will you take away? LT |
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