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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,588
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7 8,918 hugs
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Dec 14, 2023 at 08:29 AM
#101
I am so glad you sent that email saying you had to switch to telehealth. I'm under the weather myself and I was hoping you would switch to virtual.
__________________ Ridin' with Biden |
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,835
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Dec 14, 2023 at 10:51 AM
#102
I spent nearly 40 minutes on the phone today talking to a bereavement advisor from a charity.
I've asked them to give me a call on Tuesday. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,588
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7 8,918 hugs
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Dec 14, 2023 at 01:58 PM
#103
Except now I don't want to see you at all. I am fine today and I just want to do my own stuff.
__________________ Ridin' with Biden |
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,328
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Dec 14, 2023 at 03:21 PM
#104
i actually kinda don't even feel like showing up tomorrow. huh.
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,588
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,918 hugs
given
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Dec 14, 2023 at 05:21 PM
#105
I was in bed under 2 blankets and your sitting up and talking normally and sounding fine. Sometimes I wonder if you really are sick.
Anyways it was a good session and I am glad we did telehealth. You thought that story was funny of me throwing a piece of Kraft cheese in my closet when I was 5 and you said "I can see you doing that." Lol __________________ Ridin' with Biden |
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 LonesomeTonight
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...............
Member Since Sep 2006
Location: in my head
Posts: 2,912
17 8,779 hugs
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Dec 15, 2023 at 10:56 AM
#106
Dr. S. It's been 2 weeks since I last emailed you. I don't have any updates so no legitimate reason to email you. And, I've come to realize that there isn't any "going/working for what I want" because what I want requires you to be willing to give it and you are not able/willing to give it anymore. So there is only accepting the letting go.
I wish you wouldn't have said the humans first statement or that when I said that you'd be gone - that it sounded so final. It is final. You are gone. And being human first for sure means different things for each of us. Maybe those comments meant something different when you said them - than the reality of the situation hit you too. I can't say that I won't ever email you again (unless you become my T again). I am still at counting the days, each and every day -- how many days T free have I been. So I may fall. I may need the mommy you bad enough or an event be significant enough that I email you. Depending on what it is, I might text you too. I am going to try not to contact you at all. |
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,835
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Dec 15, 2023 at 05:58 PM
#107
I am immersing myself in podcasts about dealing with grief over the festive period specifically.
I want to use every single expletive in the book, because it is so ****ing hard to do this essentially alone. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,328
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4 5,812 hugs
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Dec 15, 2023 at 09:02 PM
#108
I just realized what I was doing today, L. I was practicing allowing myself to feel happy without my usual fear of "if I relax and allow the happy it will make something bad happen".
I will be ready to dive back into the hard stuff we were talking about 2 weeks ago after Christmas. See you on the 29th. |
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,328
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4 5,812 hugs
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Dec 16, 2023 at 01:14 PM
#109
...and thanks for your response to my email.
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,588
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,918 hugs
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Dec 16, 2023 at 04:54 PM
#110
Would I go back to my transference if it was an option? I truly don't know.
I have the Saturday night blues as normal. The only time these thoughts about her creep up. __________________ Ridin' with Biden |
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,835
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Dec 16, 2023 at 06:58 PM
#111
You see, if we'd had a chance to talk, I would have some idea how to navigate this. Looking at last year or 2021 doesn't help me deal with what is happening now.
Emerging from fog Impact now evident No easy answer __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,428
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Dec 17, 2023 at 09:50 PM
#112
How can you say you're "here"? You are not. What you are doing is holding me in mind. That's different than being "here". "Here" means active, present, available. You are none of those things.
__________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,835
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Dec 18, 2023 at 04:00 AM
#113
Scarlet...
I can really relate. Hugs. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,835
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Dec 19, 2023 at 09:01 AM
#114
Part of me hoped that you might by some miracle have remembered, and get in touch with one of your 'Thinking of you today' messages.
As I wait for the woman from the charity to call me, I'm wishing things had been different somehow. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,588
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,918 hugs
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Dec 19, 2023 at 05:36 PM
#115
I hope I can see you in person on Thursday. I moved something to tonight so I should be totally fine on Thursday morning. You didn't seem all that sick last week. I don't get why you said you "should" be fine this Thursday.
__________________ Ridin' with Biden |
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Roses are falling.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Seattle.
Posts: 9,773
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Dec 19, 2023 at 06:04 PM
#116
Insanity is believing my parents will ever change, but I am always surprised at my own belief until I feel hurt by them again. They’re both blocked again for the time being. I answered the call because I wanted connection.
It’s also the Second year in a row and I’m not going back for Christmas. Still progress ,at recognising and not putting myself in uncomfortable positions when that I don’t want to be surrounded by people I don’t particularly like. |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,428
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10 6,453 hugs
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Dec 20, 2023 at 12:21 AM
#117
You have no right to do safety planning with me in our session. You are not my active therapist and you have no ability to provide support. My safety is up to me. I am alone. I have no therapist.
__________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,835
12 3,161 hugs
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Dec 20, 2023 at 10:55 AM
#118
I wonder whether this time being so hard means I'll get some kind of leeway in January?
I know that's not how it works, but it would be nice to think so. L provided more emotional support today than she usually does...because that's not really her job. For the first time ever, I'm having to think about how to get support between Christmas and the New Year. I know there are other options, but I can't help feeling like my anxiety over involving new people has held me back in terms of crisis planning...because that's what this is. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,328
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,812 hugs
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Dec 20, 2023 at 05:19 PM
#119
i wish tomorrow was over, but then it would be another day closer to friday, and that's going to be a sad afternoon for h, I and our son. ugh. i feel so bad too that i won't be able to go back to MO for my cousin's dad's funeral, I don't have the vacation time and it's not a close enough familial relationship to be covered under bereavement leave. besides with one of their adult kids living out of state, they might not be able to have the funeral until January anyway and for sure I wouldn't be able to go then. We need to talk about other stuff on the 29th so I hope I'm over all of this by then. Oh well life just keeps on happening doesn't it, despite our best plans. I'm sorry I didn't talk more about what you brought up last time when I had the chance. I kinda want to see if you'd consider doing a 90-minute session next time.
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Grand Member
Member Since May 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 901
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Dec 20, 2023 at 09:26 PM
#120
You saved my life the other night. I hope we can still be "friends." You are the best!
__________________  https://imaginativefusion.wixsite.com/mysite/blogWinners are losers who got up and gave it one more try. - Dennis DeYoung "It is possible to turn poison into medicine." ~ Tina Turner Remember we're all in this alone. ~ Lily Tomlin |
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