Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVII

Dear T,

I wonder if I should ask if you have an additional day this week, though I know that would involve consecutive days. Just feeling really stressed about H's upcoming surgery and the preparation before and my duties after that. I shouldn't be crying because someone has to come out to fix a leaking toilet. I guess there's no harm in asking--I'm just aware the answer could be that you don't have availability (or that it's at an inopportune time). Or I see how things go today.

Especially as it seems that next week, only twice is possible, particularly with your weird schedule that Friday and my need to get D on and off the bus that day.


Love,
LT

LT - it's OK to ask for what you need. I hope you can reach out for your peace of mind.

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Hi R,


Please can I stop being brave?

See you soon,

Lost

Looking forward to our sesh tomorrow!

Thanks, Lost. He had an opening Thursday, so I took it (saw him today for a weepy session, then Thursday and Friday--he was off yesterday).

Hugs to you.

I have this need to tell you what my #1 favorite song of all time is... I will not sing it though don't worry hahaha hint: I was only 11 when it came out!

Thanks for confirming tomorrow.

I know it's weird...but I needed that.

See you in the morning,

Lost

Got off to a VERY rocky start today, but we ended up where we usually do. Lots of love and light! You're the best, still, ever!!

boy do i have some **** to talk about this week. buckle your seat belt. It's gon' be a bumpy one.

(That’s gona be me next week 😬&#128514
Hope it went well!!

You knew...and that gives me some peace.

'Steve's birthday, right?' was not what I expected when I started to explain the specific challenge of mid-December.

The clean up operation will take a while, but I think you're aware of that too.

You kept talking about international house of pancakes all the time and I had no idea what the **** resturaunt that was. Then I found out today you were talking about IHOP.

I don't know if it was you or me today. It was a bit rude when you said "I'll forgive you somehow." When I accidently hit your table with my shoe. I mean I did apologize. Maybe it was just a sarcastic joke that didn't land well? I have been super sensitive today.

But then you said "I thought we already discussed this."

Sorry for being human and forgettIng something.

Idk why I care so much. I've been yelled at by my pdoc and I've just gone on about my day after the appointment with no issue. I don't get why these vauge comments are making me so sensitive.

Dear T,

Why did I have to bring that up? Or at least, why did I bring that up near the end of session today, rather than earlier in the session or else yesterday? I mean, I guess better than bringing it up Monday, but...

OK, the real question should be: Why did you have to react like that? Rather than blaming myself for something I don't think was such a strange thing to ask about or want.

I don't think this is going to be a rupture or anything, but I do feel bad about it. You could have explored my feelings behind it instead of just going sort of cold and weird. I mean, I don't see why emailing you like a sentence to let you know how H's surgery went is some huge ask or crossing some sort of friendship line. Like you said, we've been talking about this for weeks. (You apparently thought texting, but I made it clear that it wasn't.) And you're the one who's been self-disclosing all over the place lately. And it's not like I want to text you pics from a Taylor Swift concert.

If it wasn't a Friday, I'd consider emailing about this. But I should just do my best to let it go. As I'm stuck in the house due to the rain and trying to keep H from getting sick before his surgery and when I have zero work to do. Which is the perfect way for me to put things out of my mind. Not. Sigh...

Love,
LT

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Dear T,

Well, I emailed. I hope you're empathetic in your reply tomorrow. I hope I haven't self-fulfilled a prophecy around H's surgeries....


Love,
LT

Heard a rumour about myself from the extended family grapevine.


I do not have to prove anything.

There’s obviously nothing about not wanting to surround myself with toxic family members, Choosing my own mental health first and developing boundaries, where I will be selfish.

This cousin is obviously blocked, along with an aunt and another cousin.

I’m glad my sister is taking my side, and willing to also cut ties with her too based on how she has also treated my youngest sister.

Thank you for the "hearts and flowers." I hope I'm outta the ditch for a long, long while. Mostly, I hope, for your sake!

Dear T,
You nearly always reply to emails in the morning, even on weekends. I hope this is just that you're busy, not that you're annoyed by the email/me (or in a coma or something). Or maybe it's like the other time, where for some reason, the email didn't actually send.
Love,
LT

@Lemoncake this doesnt even make sense! This reminds me of the time my parents forced me to attend a wedding with them even though i had a huge swollen red pimple on the tip of my nose. I realize now i just had to make an appearance to prove i wasnt pregnant. I was in college. It was humiliating. And just really stupid.

Obviously your relatives are jealous of your considerable accomplishments. I understand how difficult it is to have one foot in the modern educated present of our careers, and the other in the superstitious illiterate past of our immediate family. It is truly an untenable situation.