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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,798
12 3,132 hugs
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#501
So, it's about six weeks until the anniversary.
Somehow I have to arrange two mentoring sessions with students during the shortest month of the academic year, when I don't know how I'm going to feel for the first 10 days. Working while grieving is hard. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,768
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9 75k hugs
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#502
Dear T,
Is this your excuse to get rid of the fish I gave you? "Oops, no room for it!" Couldn't you have just said you'd find room? I know your office will be smaller and you didn't want to commit to anything, but it was hard hearing you say you weren't sure what you'd have space for when I mentioned it. And of course it was near the end of session. At least you said it was OK to bring in something tiny if it doesn't fit. Suppose I should start my search for the world's tiniest model fish, in whatever medium, so I can be ready. "OK, here is a fish painted on a grain of rice." Love, LT |
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Mountaindewed
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Member
Member Since Sep 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 155
5 201 hugs
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#503
Here you go, LT. Grain of Rice Painting by Hasan Kale
But seriously, that would make me sad too if my T couldn't find a place for a small item that I'd given them. Why can't he just put the little fish on a windowsill or on top of some books? It's not like it needs it's own bookshelf. Hopefully he will find a nice spot. Does he have lots of items acquired over the years that he needs to find space for? Like, lots of client gifts and nicknacks? My T has a lot of that kind of stuff. Mostly gifts from clients I think. Their office is a bit cluttered with it, but it's cosy and I don't mind. They also do sand tray so there are a lot of sand tray figurines scattered about as well. |
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LonesomeTonight
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,768
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#504
Quote:
It feels like if he doesn't find a spot for it, it's discarding me, in a way, even though I know it's not quite like that. I'm hoping maybe if he can't find space, he'd tell me I could take it back--maybe to keep at home as a sort of connection--and let me know how small something I'd replace it with would have to be. Those grains of rice paintings were a thing years ago in a tourist place, like "your name on a grain of rice"--not sure they're still a thing? Though it occurred to me that if I put a grain of rice in there, it might get swept up by the cleaning crew. Maybe in a sand tray? |
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InkyBooky, ScarletPimpernel
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,768
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9 75k hugs
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#505
Dear T,
Sorry for the email, but I can't stop crying about this. Thinking of you throwing it in the trash or in a storage bin with other random junk particularly shattered me. It probably seems ridiculous to you, so I hope you can understand before we meet next. And like I said, I know this isn't just about the fish, or you--that it cuts deeply into something in me, likely tying into childhood. I hope you can get that. Love, LT |
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LostOnTheTrail, Mountaindewed, ScarletPimpernel
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,768
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#506
Dear T,
Yeah, that reply didn't help. Even Gmail knew it, as one of its suggested replies was "Ugh." Love, LT |
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ArtieTheSequal, LostOnTheTrail, Mountaindewed, ScarletPimpernel, unaluna
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,226
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#507
I can't do anything because I already rescheduled this week. I just hope my stomach holds up for 45 minutes.
Well it held up until about 15 minutes after I posted this. __________________ Ridin' with Biden Last edited by Mountaindewed; Apr 25, 2024 at 11:01 AM.. |
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LonesomeTonight
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,226
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#508
I asked you something that had been bothering me that my transference T never told me and you asked how did I find out about it, and I lied and said my Pdoc told me when actually I found out from google.
Sorry for lying. But at least you were on my side that she should have told me. Also I threw up about 3 minutes after we logged off. But I'm glad I held on during the session. __________________ Ridin' with Biden |
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LonesomeTonight
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Toodlepip
Posts: 1,714
5 |
#509
You are clever, mostly. It's reassuring for me.
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LonesomeTonight
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,798
12 3,132 hugs
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#510
Seven more sleeps.
Layers upon layers. It all bloody happens at once. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,768
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9 75k hugs
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#511
Dear T,
That session didn't help. I just felt shame. Maybe I should just leave. --LT |
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ArtieTheSequal, InkyBooky, LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,871
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#512
Ya know, he probably cannot help you with your shame, because he cannot deal with his own shame. He puts up rules and regulations and boundaries, but he hides his own shame. Just as you have always suspected about his feelings towards his son. I was aware of my t's shame. He even told me he had thought i was trying to shame him, when actually i was asking him, how are you surviving? I think that was a valid question to want to ask your t. Why shouldnt they be a mentor? But your shame makes him uncomfortable so he blames you. You need a smarter and more human t. Not one you try to coax - like i was doing with penultimate t. Its like my last two ts had only one gene difference between them.
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LonesomeTonight
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,768
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9 75k hugs
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#513
Quote:
Whereas my mother-in-law has anxiety and admits it, so she's empathetic to me for mine (and accommodating/understanding). But yeah, maybe it's a similar dynamic with Dr. T, but with shame or something similar. And/or maybe self-doubt/insecurity from some things he's said. |
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ArtieTheSequal, ScarletPimpernel
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InkyBooky
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,768
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#514
Dear R,
I know I've sent a couple different emails about times, but if you could get back to me at some point tomorrow, that'd be good. I'd at least need to know about Monday. I hope you aren't having second thoughts about meeting with me. I'm being honest that Dr. T said it was OK, if one or two sessions. That if it was more, we'd need to discuss further. But this is just for one. I feel a little stuck with him on this topic and how to understand and explain it. I'm hoping your knowledge on things like parts will help here. I want your help to not throw out the baby with the bathwater. To figure out how to comfort my younger parts about this if he can't do that. --LT |
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ScarletPimpernel
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,768
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9 75k hugs
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#515
Dear R,
Thanks for confirming the Monday session! And also wishing me a good weekend after I wished you one. Hope Monday helps, whatever "helps" means. --LT |
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ScarletPimpernel
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,768
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
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#516
Dear T,
Maybe your trying to understand what I'm feeling and why it's important to have a place in your current or future office *is* your way of caring? Maybe I'll try to think of it that way. Love, LT |
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LostOnTheTrail
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