Couch 247: Choose Cheese!

Thanks, Lost! One of those times when I wish I wasn't right about a feeling I had...

It takes a lot to whelm you. I imagine if you met a competent therapist, your brain might explode.

It wasn’t as good as 2017, no.

Remember when I had a poem accepted for publication a while back? Well, it's finally published. I just saw it right now, and it made my day!

Congrats art!

That's great news, Artie!

I could really use some support.

My sister moved my dad out last night. She called the police and said we were my dad. She also called out animal control and said we're abusing our dogs. At one point we were told to go to our bedroom to let my sister get my dad's stuff. She tried to take my grandfather clock that I inherited from my dad. H and I are terrified about what more is she going to do to us or of her coming back with my dad's keys to break in.

On top of that we owe the IRS a ton (in the thousands) and our last apartment complex during covid is suing us again for unpaid rent. We owe it, but just couldn't afford to pay what they wanted us to.

I have been in crisis after crisis. L has helped me this past week immensely. But this is hard. I had to call the crisis line last night because I couldn't go to the hospital fearing my sister would break in. I don't know how to get through this. I just could use some support.

Hugs Scarlet. I'm so very sorry that all of this is happening.

I see commercials all the time for companies that do IRS tax debt relief, they say they can help you settle for less than what you owe, I don't know anything about them, like how much they charge or if they're even for real or how they work or anything, but I suppose it's something you could look into?

Hugs, Scarlet. I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this... I hope the cases are dismissed quickly.


Is it possible to request that the locks be changed?

I'll look into that. Thanks! Right now we're hoping for a payment plan with them.

Yes. We did request it. I don't know when they'll do it. We need to leave to file a restraining order against my sister, but are too scared if the locks aren't changed.

I can understand that, though if you file the order, at least you could call the police if she were to show up. (Though I'm not sure if it would be complicated because of her accusations toward you.) For now, is it possible to make sure someone is always at home? And if not, could you get a cheap security camera from Amazon (or wherever) that connects to your phone so you can see if anyone enters?

You could also maybe put something in front of your front door, like a chair, so you'd hear if someone was trying to enter. I imagine if you're in a rental, you're not allowed to install additional locks (like a chain lock, the sort of thing they'd have in a hotel room, to keep someone from coming in).

We got our locks changed. Well, one out of two. The front door was changed. Maintenance said they can't get through the garage without a clicker, and H and I have the only one.

Glad to hear that. If you have the only clicker, then she shouldn't be able to get in the garage.

Hope you're able to get some rest tonight.

Thanks LT. I finally got some sleep last night. 8.5 hours, but I had to take a benzo to calm my thoughts. I talked to my pdoc yesterday and she put me on Lithium now because of how bad the SI is. We weren't going to do the Lithium for awhile. I have an appointment with her today too so I can get a little extra support.

With what L says about what my sister is claiming I was doing to my dad, L said that he's not disabled, he's a grown man, and I'm not his caretaker. It is not my responsibility to clean his room or to make him take a shower. I have my own disabilities as well as my H, and we took care of him the best we could. The only thing I can see that I did wrong was not calling Adult Protective Services myself on him.

This situation sounds stressful, but it also sounds serious and you may want to speak with an attorney. From what I understand, an elder in your household doesn't need to be disabled in order for a claim of neglect or abuse to be valid. If he is over 65 and living with you then you have certain responsibilities to ensure his safety and that his needs are met.. including daily care and hygiene.

FYI: I copied the language below from: The Elder Abuse and Dependent Adult Civil Protection Act in CA (I'm not an attorney but my partner is). This isn't legal advice- just letting you know that you may have more responsibility for your elderly father's care than you were aware of...and you may want to speak to an attorney.

The Act defines NEGLECT as “the negligent failure of any person having the care or custody of an elder or dependent adult to exercise that degree of care that a reasonable person in that position would exercise.” This can include many behaviors, such as:

Failure to assist in personal hygiene
Failure to provide food, clothing, or shelter
Failure to provide appropriate medical care
Failure to protect from health and safety hazards
Failure to prevent malnutrition or dehydration

Thanks Inky. I appreciate this info. I probably will need a lawyer if something happens. Thankfully, no police about my dad or dogs have happen.

Few things I got from this. One main one is that my dad was not under my care or custody. I was not his caretaker. I did stuff for him, but not because it was my responsibility. He acted as his own caretaker. And failure to assist in personal hygiene...I might be in trouble there. But he would never have allowed me to help him shower (nor would I), however I either cut his hair or we'd take him to the barber.

Ugh! I'm glad he's gone. He was only supposed to stay for 6 months, not 5 years. Before us he was living in worse conditions with a ton of cockroaches. My place is clean. Cluttered, but clean. I couldn't keep up with his mess.

Like I said, the worst thing I did was not reaching out to the authorities.

It sounds like you did the best you could for him and that it's a good thing you are now relieved from that duty of care. Now your sister can have a turn! Seems she could've handled this better on her end. I mean I doubt you would've protested if she had just said she wants to move him to her house. Gosh. Why call the police?

Anyway, I know how hard it is to feel responsible for aging parents who expect us to now care for them when they did not take good care of us (or maybe even abused or neglected us). I read a good book about this a while back....can't remember the title.

Edit: I found the book

Your turn for care: Surviving the aging and death of the adults who harmed you by Brown Ph.D., Laura S.: Very Good Paperback (2012) | HPB Inc.

Yeah. My sister is literally crazy. She's untreated, probably BPD, maybe even BP. She tried to run her ex down with her car, she takes people to court over and over again, she records videos of you to take to court, she lies, she's manipulative, she uses her kids as collateral. I even think she lied about her ex abusing her children. She can be very violent and volatile.

I took a couple days off work and H & I took an overnight trip, dropped off my grandpa's typewriter at the guy's house who fixes/restores old typewriters, really nice guy. Anyway then yesterday we spent some time at the Museum of Illusions which was cool, then to a model railroad museum that has 3 really large layouts on display. Well there's multiple sets of tracks in each one; very very cool. This morning early we headed out to Boyce Arboretum, and hiked there about 2.5 miles or something maybe a little more not sure. Here's some pics from there, because it was absolutely beautiful!!! I had never been there before.

More pics.

What a beautiful place, Art!

Thanks for sharing the lovely pics, Artie! Sounds like you had a nice time.

Artie, those are not the usual spaces and formations we see. They are so interesting!

Well, groceries are in, amazon stuff is coming tomorrow, im gonna take a quick rest then clean the place up a bit. I am pretty close to averaging the 150 minutes of exercise per week for the past month, so thats cool. Saw my cutie eye dr this week, he said the cataract eye's vision is improving!!! Procrastination rules!!!

That's all great news, Una!

I took SO many pictures because everywhere I looked there were more cool rock formations. I can't wait to go hiking there again!

and Una, that's good news about your vision improving!