[Trying2heal2024]

I've been seeing my current therapist for around 8 months and in this time I've developed an intense attachment to her (I know this is also due to transference due to maternal issues). It bothers me because on one hand I really like the connection and enjoy talking with her etc but on the other hand I'm freaked out at how attached I feel to her. A few times I've spoken to her about it and I've tried to reduce my sessions to every fortnight but I never actually manage to go this long. I'm always asking her if it's ok if I see her weekly and if she thinks I need to have a break etc. Last session she said I am testing her to see if she will reject or abandon me and it's due to my avoidant part.

Does anyone have any thoughts/experiences of this? Did it resolve itself? I do notice the intensity has reduced a bit from the beginning. I think it's also worth mentioning I am still on my healing journey so it's not like I'm holding on for the sake of it. I feel I'm not there yet with sorting everything out in my head.

[AnaWhitney]

Oh I know the feeling! I have no advice other than it’s pretty common and for me it has not got easier yet but I am getting more trusting that she will not reject or abandon me and connecting has felt more natural lately, whereas before I would avoid connecting because I did not want to ‘need her’. My T says to think choose instead of need because need makes it seem like she has power. I try but I still struggle at times.
I’m sure a lot of people here struggle with the same thing.

[ScarletPimpernel]

For me, distance from T and having L instead, pretty much got rid of my attachment to T. However, after 4, almost 5, years with L and going through a 15 week maternity leave, I'm still attached. For me, it's a good thing and a bad thing, I guess. Good: we can do more work together because I am able to maintain a connection. Bad because, I don't know, I just thought I could be more independent without her.

We were working on my dependency needs and being able to accept them and voice them. She said that no dependency/too much independence is unhealthy, same with too much dependency. The goal is interdependence. So it's important to develop healthy attachments to safe people. One of my main issues is that I know how to have attachments to therapists/counselors, but not everyday people.

About power: I guess you can say that people who have power over you do so because you gave them that power. On the other hand, I too feel like L has power over me (maybe because I did give her it). The therapeutic relationship is lopsided, imho. She takes little emotional risks, whereas my risks are GREAT. Like this leave of hers. She gets to go off and live her happy fulfilling lofe, while I feel alone and abandoned. Anyways, I know what the power imbalance feels like.

[Therapy reviewed]

I guess, the question is... Why do you feel like this... Therapy aims to help you find the answer