FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Member
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: Scotland
Posts: 165
3 9 hugs
given |
#1
I tried so hard with this therapist,. I had doubts from the start. I didn’t like the fact that she didn’t take down my personal details such as address and doctor. She didn’t do an intake as such in terms of asking me about myself, the therapy just sort of started, I thought it was ok to just let things emerge, but then she talked so much and I found her way of working triggering, and she was quite challenging (but without really knowing me). When we discussed it she adapted, which was good. She said she didn’t remember much from session to session, this made it hard to bring things up. I’d ask her what she meant be something she said the previous week that had affected me, but she didn’t remember saying it. She talked about other clients in the session (only general things), but it didn’t feel helpful to me. There were some good bits, and I felt good for the first three sessions. I hadn’t realised how sad I’d feel if I quit. I’ve quit because I’d started to feel stressed after sessions. Despite what I’ve written above, I’m also questioning myself and the person I am. I also feel a sense of loss. I liked her so much, despite everything I’ve written, and I wanted to be able to talk to her.
Last edited by Brown Owl 2; Yesterday at 03:39 AM.. |
Reply With Quote |
LonesomeTonight, TheGal
|
Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2022
Location: The House
Posts: 1,106
1 737 hugs
given |
#2
It's completely normal to mourn the loss of a relationship.
But keep in mind that you are mourning what you'd wished it had been and not the reality. You've done the right thing by ending the relationship, no need to question yourself. You are an intelligent, sentient person, so it's normal to question things or have doubts... you are seeing the shades of gray and not painting the picture bllack and white which is good. Find pride in yourself for respecting your boundaries and limits... you deserve a therapist who is more engaged with your story and remembers it from one week to the next. Only about 20% of therapists are excellent, 20% are terrible and the other 60% is somewhere in between. Keep trying different therapists till you find one that is excellent and really fits with you. No need to reproach yourself for shopping around. Therapy is an investment and you deserve the best! |
Reply With Quote |
Brown Owl 2, LonesomeTonight
|
Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Posts: 2,028
10 |
#3
Quote:
I wish people were more mindful about what they say and the inaccuracies of their statements. That can do more harm than good. |
|
Reply With Quote |
Brown Owl 2
|
Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,378
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,836 hugs
given |
#4
"But keep in mind that you are mourning what you'd wished it had been and not the reality."
This. This is exactly what I had been doing. Ending therapy does hurt, even when it's long past time to do so. At least, it did for me; until I really accepted that what I was mourning had never existed in the first place, except for in my mind/heart. I wish you all the best, Brown Owl. |
Reply With Quote |
Brown Owl 2
|
underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 34,815
(SuperPoster!)
12 1 hugs
given |
#5
"As this sample demonstrates, there are substantial differences in therapists’ performance. Fortunately, most therapists produce results comparable to what we would expect from well-conducted clinical trials, which is an effect size of approximately d= .80. About 25% have results that exceed this benchmark by 10% or more (d => .90), while about 25% will fall short by a similar amount (d < .68)". Are You Any Good…as a Therapist? | Society for the Advancement of Psychotherapy.
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
Reply With Quote |
Brown Owl 2
|
Member
Member Since Sep 2022
Location: Uk
Posts: 135
1 2 hugs
given |
#6
It's the loss of hope that hurts... The not remembering from session to session is unsettling.. That would, be a, no no for me.. It would feel like a form of rejection . It sounds, live you've made the right decision..
|
Reply With Quote |
LonesomeTonight
|
Member
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: Scotland
Posts: 165
3 9 hugs
given |
#7
Quote:
Thanks, your words were very helpful for me. You’re so right that I’m mourning the loss of what I wanted it to be. I felt good after the first 2-3 sessions, but haven’t felt good since then. In terms of the memory, I had thought that I could accept that, but it seems extraordinary to me that she doesn’t write notes after the session to side her memory. I think that in most professions where people work with ‘clients’, people keep copious notes from one session to the next. My previous therapist, who I stopped seeing 3 years ago, also had a terrible memory, and didn’t seem to keep notes. I was wondering if it was just normal/ common for a therapist. It had crossed my mind to ask her to have a notepad in the session and to prompt her to note down something that was important to me. |
|
Reply With Quote |
TheGal
|
TheGal
|
Member
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: Scotland
Posts: 165
3 9 hugs
given |
#8
Yes, it is unsettling. Kind of disrespectful not to bother to make notes From people’s comments it sounds like other therapists do remember their stuff?
|
Reply With Quote |
LonesomeTonight
|
Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,434
(SuperPoster!)
10 6,457 hugs
given |
#9
I'm sorry you're struggling Brown Owl. It's frustrating to make an investment into a relationship and then to have it not work out, even if it's a short relationship.
I thought they had to at least take clinical notes for legal reasons? L has an awesome memory AND takes some notes in session, and writes up notes after session (these I assume are clinical). It's a little annoying when she stops in session to take a note, but I'd rather her do that then forget something. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
Reply With Quote |
Brown Owl 2
|
Member
Member Since Sep 2022
Location: Uk
Posts: 135
1 2 hugs
given |
#10
My T never took notes but she always remembered... Even after we had finished therapy and I emailed her some family news I had a Yr later she knew what child I was talking about..
|
Reply With Quote |
Member
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: Scotland
Posts: 165
3 9 hugs
given |
#11
I feel a lot better than I did when I woke up. The pain has settled, though I still feel a bit sad. I think that something that made me feel is worse is an email that the therapist sent me. I would have expected her to send me some bland email wishing me well. The email she sent was in therapistsÂ’ speak and seemed to me to be her trying to impose on me an understanding of why I quit (I didnÂ’t give any reason to her), and also seemed to be a denial that she had played any part in the therapy relationship being unsatisfactory for me. I donÂ’t want to post the email, but IÂ’d be interested in othersÂ’ thoughts on it, and could pm it if anyone is interested in reading it?
|
Reply With Quote |
LonesomeTonight
|
Member
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: Scotland
Posts: 165
3 9 hugs
given |
#12
Quote:
|
|
Reply With Quote |
Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Toodlepip
Posts: 1,742
5 |
#13
Quote:
|
|
Reply With Quote |
Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2022
Location: The House
Posts: 1,106
1 737 hugs
given |
#14
Quote:
I will be more mindful, however. You raise a good point. Did I say anything of value, though, in your opinion? Just curious... |
|
Reply With Quote |
Reply |
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Forum | |||
Considering quitting therapy | Psychotherapy | |||
Quitting therapy soon | Psychotherapy | |||
Quitting meds, quitting therapy | Psychotherapy | |||
Quitting Therapy | Psychotherapy | |||
I'm quitting therapy..... | Psychotherapy |