Couch 248: Curiouser and Curiouser

I may just do it. H would hate it, that would be reason enough bahahahahahaha just kidding.

I am feeling stupid happy today, and so free. It is a good feeling.

My sister is harassing us. She's called me from her bf's number. She called H's work. She did a wellness check on me. And she called L... I'm scared of her.

I'm so sorry, Scarlet.

You all remember that ableist incident from almost two years ago by a colleague and my chair? And eventually my Dean heard of it and reported it?

So finally after 16 months the investigating office has filed their report with the Provost for her verdict.

I see the Provost regularly as part of my faculty governance leadership role, and will for the next three years. Having her know about that feels humiliating and embarrassing.

(Oh, and yes, things are still bad over disability here. I’m just trying to find another job.)

@@, Im sorry and it sucks that you are going thru this.

Ugh. I'm sorry, @@.

That sucks. That the provost who gives the verdict is someone you work with regularly also seems so backward and wrong.

I hope you find a great job at a university with a clue.

What also makes me nervous is verdicts tend to come back from the provost’s office as “no wrongdoing found.” Wrongdoing in this case means violation of university policies. Most of those are previous provosts, not this one, but still.

Admittedly I only know of five other cases, and four of them I would actually agree there was no violation. But the fifth was a sexual harassment case complete with witnesses.

I definitely won’t feel good if “no wrongdoing” comes back because I’m pretty sure university policies were violated. I don’t want anyone punished, but I also don’t want anything like that to happen again, and “no wrongdoing” isn’t going to help that.

Sorry you’re going through this @@.

If you feel unsatisfied with the outcome perhaps you could consider reaching out to higher authorities within the university administration ?
The Office of Institutional Equity came up in a search. Im not sure if it’s the same for every university.

Have you also considered seeking legal counsel or consulting with a advocacy organizations that specialize in addressing discrimination in academic settings?

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, Scarlet. I understand why you're scared. Could you consider a restraining order maybe? Hugs...

I'm sorry it's taken so long and that things are still bad at your work. That's not acceptable. I hope some sort of wrongdoing is found. And that you can find another job. You deserve better.

ATAT - sorry to hear they are not being less incompetent. Hope you can leave there soon.

We tried yesterday. We got denied. So I'm amending ot right now to see if I can get any more info on there. It jard to show harassment. Like they don't know what she's capable of.

Ugh. I would think her past history could help here, assuming that's still on the record.

Struggling a bit after today's session with Dr. T (which was virtual because D has what I think/hope is a cold and I'm feeling a bit off). We talked about his office move in June, what will be different, how to help the transition, etc. It will be 25% smaller (so, for example, going from 12 feet long to 9 feet). So not all of his stuff will fit, including a big tree (palm maybe?) he has in the corner, though he said it's sick anyway.

One thing I mentioned as a possible way to help the transition is that maybe I could be the one to put the small-ish glass fish (3 inches long?) I gave him in the new office. And to that, he said he didn't know what would fit yet. So I guess that means he might not be able to find a space for the fish? I understand he'd prioritize stuff he likes better, but it's painful to think he might eliminate something I gave him (even if it had to sit, say, behind something else). I did ask that if it wouldn't fit, I could bring something really tiny to replace it, and he seemed OK with that. But I'm not sure he understands why it would hurt if he had to eliminate the original one?

Like, I get that it might not fit. It was that he seemed very matter-of-fact about it, which I know is how he often is. Rather than acknowledging how he knows it might be hard and maybe saying he'd try to find a spot for it. And perhaps he didn't mean to imply it wouldn't fit--just didn't want to guarantee anything. I'll talk to him about it more next session. It just hurt, especially because it wasn't something I was expecting. I guess at least he'd be willing to let me bring something else tiny? Must begin hunt for world's smallest fish figurine. Or something else--a fish just has shared meaning on multiple levels.

Sorry, I feel like my stuff with Dr. T seems so minor. We're also still in the process of getting estimates to remediate the mold in the house--finally got an estimate for the first place today (which was much less than I'd expected, though doesn't include rebuilding stuff). And sometimes it can be easier for my brain to focus on stuff like "will Dr. T find space for the ugly glass fish I gave him?" rather than "how much will it cost to have a bunch of toxic mold removed from our walls, which may have been negatively affecting our health for years?"

hugs and peaceful wishes sent out to struggling couchies. i'm sorry things are rough right now for several couchies.

i don't know if a bit of brightness will help or not. but at work today, every person i've had to call has been nice. what a refreshing change from the norm.

We got the restraining order! Now I just need to give it to the sheriffs to serve her. Court will be on the 14th. We move on the 17th. Will be a busy week!

It sounds like the glass fish you gave Dr. T holds symbolic significance for you. representing your connection and the therapeutic relationship itself. The prospect of it not finding a place in his new office may trigger feelings of rejection or a sense of loss.

Dr. T's response, while perhaps unintentionally dismissive or matter-of-fact, could be about his own boundaries and priorities. the office often serves as a transitional space for both. Dr. T's focus on logistical considerations like space constraints may reflect his need to establish a professional environment, even if it comes at the expense of some emotional resonance for you.

Your desire for acknowledgment and validation from Dr. T regarding the significance of the glass fish suggests a longing for affirmation and recognition of your contributions to the therapeutic process.

That sounds like a wonderful change of pace! It's always uplifting to encounter kindness and positivity, serving as a reminder of the goodness and kindness that still exists in the world.