Couch 248: Curiouser and Curiouser

Not until Friday and it's a phone session. I've contacted her backup and she'll call me in an hour. I don't know what to expect. I've never met her. L says she'll lead with empathy, not skills. I hope so.

I hope her backup is helpful for you, Scarlet.

Storming here, so I stood in the front door of the airbnb and just watched the wind blowing the trees and smelled the freshness of the rain (it's been very hot here). Storms (and the ocean, though no ocean where I am right now) remind me of the power of the universe, how it's a much bigger thing that me. And can give me a couple moments of awe. Back inside now, likely going to bed soon. I'm either leaving tomorrow evening or very early Friday morning--need to figure that out. (H leaves for a trip to see family Friday morning, so I need to get back.) Virtual session with Dr. T late morning tomorrow.

She was okay. Nice. Affirming and validating. I guess I just don't have an established rapport with her so it wasn't as helpful as I wanted. She's letting me check in with her tomorrow. I don't know. It's probably better than a crisis line. It's hard getting support from someone who knows nothing about you or the situation.

I feel that, Scarlet.

Sometimes we need more than warmth.

I'm glad she was affirming and validating at least. And does seem better than a crisis line for sure. It's nice that she's letting you check in today, too. But I get what you mean about having trouble getting support from someone who doesn't know the background. Hope she helps some today if you talk to her again.

So, R is taking her usual two weeks off (end of July, beginning of August) and then we'll be virtual until the beginning of September.

I've negotiated our first in person session back for World Suicide Prevention Day, because I don't know whether I have the wherewithal to attend a service this year...or if one is planned.

Hugs, Lost. Seems like a good plan for timing of the first session back in person. Are you meeting in person until her vacation, or is it already virtual?

Thanks, LT.

We're meeting in person until her vacation.

I am shattered, because I didn't sleep much last night.

And now I have multiple blisters (?!) from trying to open a bottle of fizzy water.

Today, man....

Maybe not attending is a good thing for you to do for yourself. Perhaps not being as immersed in it will be a path to letting it go as this burden (not the same as forgetting the person) so that you can focus on the future and ways to be in it that are not as weighed down by past actions by others. Just a different spin on things

Thanks, I see where you're coming from.

In the middle of my virtual (because I'm away) session with Dr. T this morning, he had to turn off video and (I presume) step away twice to deal with urgent messages relating to the new office. Which was really awkward, though he was very apologetic and made up the time at the end.

Those messages led him to believe he won't be able to move next week, either (was originally supposed to be yesterday and tomorrow). Something about a complaint filed regarding his renovation of the office, I assume by another building tenant? He said they weren't even doing all that much and wasn't aware of needing a permit (which this person claimed he needed).

So...I'm probably meeting him in person at his old office Monday. Which feels a bit weird, as I've already said goodbye to it. I could always opt for virtual, but I'd rather meet in person if possible. I guess I can look at it as bonus time? And in a weird way, less pressure, as I've already done the "good-bye" thing. I might be there Wednesday, too (a session I thought was canceled due to the rescheduled move). Seems like everything will be up in the air for a bit. But I feel like I can manage that, which is more than I might have said, say, a year ago.

I'm sorry for all the upheaval, LT.

Wouldn't it be nice if things in the therapy realm were simple, and that equipped us to deal with the things in 'real life' (a distinction R makes, that I find a little uncomfortable) that aren't so simple?

It sounds like progress that you feel equipped to manage it, though.

Thanks, Lost. Yes, it would be nice if they were simpler and predictable. A calm in the storm of outside life. But of course, they're human, too. And have their own outside lives.

I do think that some upheaval in therapy has helped me deal with it better in my outside life--I prefer that term to "real life." As "real life" kind of implies that therapy isn't "real." Certainly some of the ruptures have ultimately led me to be better at handling conflict (particularly the repair portion), though I wish some hadn't happened (the "love" one jumps out).

I'm sorry you're dealing with this upheaval, too.

L never even checked in today.

I'm sorry, Scarlet. Was she supposed to? Is it tomorrow you have a phone session? I hope if you talk to the backup T, they will help.

If the bottle top is stubborn, try putting a thin tea towel over the top then twisting it. So it won’t cut in your hand. I usually just use the bottom of my T-shirt, but that’s not suitable behaviour for a lady 😂.

(I was watching episode 2 of Bridgeton. Didn’t finish it, go to maybe 25 mins of the episode).

I totally use the bottom of my T-shirt for twist-off metal bottle tops! I tend to drink San Pellegrino, which is usually in plastic bottles here (I do recycle them!), so easier to twist off.

I wouldn’t classify office stuff as urgent to justify disturbing your session twice, but it sounds like you handled the interruptions and the uncertainty around Dr. T's office move quite well. It's great to hear that you feel more capable than you might have in the past.