Couch 248: Curiouser and Curiouser

That feels so dismissive on his part. Maybe he isn't personally affected by the energy of a space (although I doubt that), but I'm truly surprised he would presume to tell you you're wrong about your strong reactions to saying goodbye to that space forever.

It's pretty common for people to have reactions to a physical space. For example, if you walk into your old school building, even years later, you might feel strong nostalgia or even dread (depending on your experience in that building). If you've spent a lot of time in a hospital for yourself or a loved one it may be hard to physically be in one again, even years later, due to the physical and emotional affect the space has on you. If a child has a familiar/safe home that they are forced to leave due to a move or change- that can be very destabilizing for kids and take a long time to adjust to.

I think physical spaces can hold a lot of feelings and energy for us, especially very scary ones where we felt a lot of fear and dread, or very safe ones where we've spent a great deal of time feeling safe and being vulnerable. I personally feel incredibly safe in my own bedroom and it has nothing to do with any other people who may have shard the space with me, even in a positive way. It is literally and truly a safe space for me. A sanctuary where I feel safe enough to sleep. If I had to move homes I know it would take a long time to adjust to a new sleeping space.

Anyway, just weird that he would be so dismissive of this concept. I wonder if it's because he too is having some big feelings about the move- but he doesn't like being vulnerable, scared or sad, so....

But how do we know that the emotional regulation is the effect of the therapy and not the effect of not being exposed to the therapy any longer?

In which case SD should continue to distrust the process.

L's on vacation. Of all the time to be on a vacation, it had to be this week. We are dealing with a major rupture, which was getting a little better. I even joked with her on Saturday that for being me and having BPD, that 2 weeks wasn't too bad a time for things to turn around. She agreed and thought it'd take me longer. Anyways, she allowed me to email and text her throughout the leave. Yesterday she sent a text saying she'd be out of service most the day, but it never went through. When she got back, it went through, and it felt like she brushed it off. She didn't apologize or be empathetic. So I sent her a text about this and other things. She responded that she was going to respond via email because it might take some processing. So to me that means no more texting, least not on those topic. She emailed me and in that email said she'd rather discuss this in real time... But for something she didn't understand, I could write as much as needed.

I don't know what to do! Respond via email to the whole email? Respond only to the part confusing her? Just stop texting and emailing, go it on my own?

I feel like ghosting her. She knows how hard everything is for me. Like I'm going through some hard s***. She agreed to emails and texts. H is beyond pissed at her. I don't know what to do with her. I wish I would have left her two weeks ago. Now I feel stuck with her.

But who am I hurting? Me or her? Should I just risk pissing her off and respond to everything?

Well, everything exploded, but she wants to deal with it in real time. Basically, I feel like she's told me to **** off and deal with everything on my own. All I wanted was empathy and an apology... But because she isn't understanding me, I must suffer alone.

Hugs, Scarlet--I'm so sorry. When will you be able to meet next?

Not until Friday and it's a phone session. I've contacted her backup and she'll call me in an hour. I don't know what to expect. I've never met her. L says she'll lead with empathy, not skills. I hope so.

I hope her backup is helpful for you, Scarlet.

She was okay. Nice. Affirming and validating. I guess I just don't have an established rapport with her so it wasn't as helpful as I wanted. She's letting me check in with her tomorrow. I don't know. It's probably better than a crisis line. It's hard getting support from someone who knows nothing about you or the situation.

So, R is taking her usual two weeks off (end of July, beginning of August) and then we'll be virtual until the beginning of September.

I've negotiated our first in person session back for World Suicide Prevention Day, because I don't know whether I have the wherewithal to attend a service this year...or if one is planned.

I've negotiated our first in person session back for World Suicide Prevention Day, because I don't know whether I have the wherewithal to attend a service this year...or if one is planned.

I'm sorry for all the upheaval, LT.

Wouldn't it be nice if things in the therapy realm were simple, and that equipped us to deal with the things in 'real life' (a distinction R makes, that I find a little uncomfortable) that aren't so simple?

It sounds like progress that you feel equipped to manage it, though.