Couch 249: The Self Care Couch

We are busy doing politics.

I was busy this afternoon driving my car 250+ miles attempting to get the sensors to reset (after getting a new battery not long ago) and it failing emissions testing. We had our mechanic check it again this afternoon after the long drive and the sensors still haven't reset - it's the catalytic converters (my car apparently has 2?) he said one or both is/are bad and he can't tell until they get into it. Minimum repair if it's only the least-costly one would be around $2000 and the car is 19 years old. We paid $1700 for it 7 years ago, so no, we are not going to fix it. Not worth it. I'm looking into places like wheezly.com that will buy a junker and come pick it up for free, payment in hand. Wheezly offered $328 for it so I will likely go with that! We have 5 more days til the registration runs out. H's car is still in the shop getting another $2100 worth of work done, ugh. The good news in all of this is that I am not freaking out. I have been rationally looking at our options like I can do a loan from my 401K if I need to. I told H I honestly don't mind not having a car for a while, anyway. PLENTY of couples survive with one car and there are a lot of people who don't even have one car. I work at home, I don't go to therapy anymore, I don't need a car. I do need the house a/c to work, however, since I am in the house pretty much 24/7 and it's been 105-110 f outside lately! We will figure it out. We always do.

We were busy dealing with cockroaches...first professional treatment today, then they come back in 2 and 4 weeks. We could have gone with an annual plan, where they visit quarterly, but I'd rather knock these out, so we went with this option (pay once for the three visits), Can switch to quarterly plan later if we want.

I was worried about the guinea pigs being OK, but they're topical treatments that dry quickly with no odor, and they're a floor away (they've seemed totally fine so far, knock on wood...). The guy seemed endeared by them when he came upstairs to have me sign the paperwork. The pigs seemed disappointed he did not have food for them.

Between them and the mold (plus occasional mice), I'm ready for our house to be free of uninvited growths and creatures!

Maybe take it easy tomorrow then? Rest days are good!

We only have one car, Artie. It seems to work well. H works from home, but likes to get food or coffee at least once a day. And then I use the car for doctors and therapy. Haven't run into a problem unless we forget to get him food before I leave!

I wrote that post and closed my eyes. A nap that late wasn’t good. Now it’s 9:45pm and I’m wide awake. Should make for an awesome night.

Una…definitely give the blister some rest and time to heal. I’m glad wrapping it helped.

LT..the mold was rough enough without the cockroaches. I would have just gave the roaches the house. “Here you go. All yours. I’m out.” Im kidding, but I don’t think I would be able to eat and sleep if I saw those in my house. I hope they are gone after the treatments.

On broken cars and broken air conditioners and 401k loan. Don’t forget to hold the taxes on the loan amount. Counts as income. Uncle Sam will tell you to pay up come tax season.

Having only one car works for many families if one person works from home and doesn’t have a commitment elsewhere during the day.

Yep. I'd really like to make it work. We don't need a car payment on top of the monthly payment for the new a/c !

Today I feel like I'm drowning.

It's quite something to be physically fine and yet feel mentally ragged all at the same time.

Friday is a busy day for the helpline, so I don't feel like I'm willing to do that.

Hugs, Lost...Feel free to post here all you want.

I felt better after the conk out nap. Maybe the trick is to exercise later at night, when i will just be going to bed afterwards anyways. Tonight i plan to exercise during Lingo.

No rest days! They turn into rest weeks and months. Matthew mcconaughey sweats every day. Fernando Lamas does 300 situps every day. I eat salad and "bicycle" every day. Actually its a Cubi or something. My uncle used to touch his toes every day, til he broke a hip changing the channel on the tv. Walking to it, not just using a remote. I just realized the joke there

Thanks, LT.

Yesterday's session wasn't the final in person session until September I 'wanted', if that's even possible.

R asked me how I was doing, and I began to struggle from the get go.

'I am...not going to do this today...' was all I managed before I broke.

Things were complicated by the meeting at work being scheduled for later in the day.

It's been a long time since I've been so soluble.

R said she had a sense that I'm pissed off with her (a real Sherlock moment...) and that she felt she 'held some guilt' because it was her decision, but she had to hold her boundary.

That caused me to dissolve again, and she asked whether she should move closer.

I agreed, and we talked about changing the subject during the time we're working online.

'Is it about being physically alone with those emotions?'

Enter Soluble Lost.

'I'm right here with you.'

I bit back 'You're not allowed to say that while we're working online.'

We talked about her laptop issues, and she confirmed that it's fine.

'I wasn't trying to prepare you for technical difficulties. I felt your prickliness when I said that last week.'

We have agreed to switch to WhatsApp if anything happens.

That sounds like a difficult last in-person session, Lost.

And yeah, it's great (meant sarcastically) when they have Sherlock moments like that--"Hm, it seems you're upset about this." Like, "How observant. You should be a therapist." Shouldn't it be obvious that you're upset with her because you don't want to be physically alone? And she's the one making the choice to do that (rather than, say, if she were ill, so couldn't help being virtual).

It's good you told her not to say "I'm right here" when online--I hope she holds to that. And good you have WhatsApp planned as a backup.

When is your first virtual session?

Hope you were able to get some sleep!

Thanks for the wishes about the cockroaches. They're definitely creeping me out. As my H has said a couple times, "My heebs have been jeebed" (as in, heebie jeebies). I'm just thankful that I'd already moved my workspace to a different floor...

The exterminator guy (I'm sure there's a more appropriate term, like "pest technician") seemed so excited about them, too. I mean, I guess he wouldn't be in that job if he were creeped out by bugs...

My recent wasp removal guy was scared of them! I pointed at one of their nests and immediately he was like oh nope not going there. They were incredibly friendly though. I feel bad for killing them, if they could just not destroy stuff, that'd be great!

Thanks, LT.

Sorry for the confusion - I didn't actually say 'You're not allowed to say that when we're online.'

I held my tongue or bit the words back.

The first virtual session is on the 15th of August, and we're switching focus to talk about my experience of disability (not something I envisaged spending therapy time on but feels a hell of a lot safer than delving into Feelings around this new development over whatever technological medium she chooses to use.)

She said I can email if I want to express how I'm feeling grief-wise, but...it's not quite the same.

'We're working at quite a deep level around grief at the moment.'

Yeah, and you're opting out by moving online.

I couldn't speak when she left, because I was busy trying not to break again.

There are some really fascinating bee hive removal (they don't kill the bees - relocate to bee keepers) videos on youtube by a couple of very gentle bee rescuers.

Yes, however, nobody wants wasps, so they don't try to keep them alive...

Hugs, Lost.

Im not sure, but i think wasps are fig pollinators. Hence the italian motorbike Vespa.