Couch 249: The Self Care Couch

Thank you, my friend...but you started it.

I appreciate the accountability too.
My virtual bird is great for some forms of accountability, but Couch accountability is even more effective when it's something like exercise.

Well done Una O.

Yes, I think you've described the dynamic pretty accurately. He's even said a couple times lately (not related to session reduction or the stuff this past week), regarding telling me something, "I didn't want to risk hurting you."

I do think he's afraid of my emotions at times. So he tends to pull back and get more closed off--if he doesn't understand what's going on. If he seems to get it, like something going on with my D, then he can be very empathetic.

And he has said numerous times that he's been surprised by how strongly I've been affected by the move. Even though I've tried to explain. It's not really helpful for someone to say, "Wow, I'm surprised at how strongly you're reacting to this."

I do think maybe he has let other boundaries lapse sometimes, and then maybe he's annoyed at himself for doing so and kind of takes that out on me maybe? I don't know. Like "You made me do this," even though he could have said no? He made a comment in session about how he had to call me Tuesday, and I said, "You didn't have to call me. You could have just replied to the email, and we'd have talked about it later in session."

Incidentally, my father also isn't good at dealing with big emotions. And neither is my H (what's that thing about marrying your mother or father?). H's mom has big emotions, too. So I guess that fits into these being enactments with Dr. T.

And yeah, I know I need a different one...

Thanks, Scarlet. First, Happy Belated Birthday!

I understand what you mean about being spoiled--I was spoiled when Dr. T didn't charge for any emails for a few years during the pandemic, no matter how many/how long--for all his clients, not just me. He only charges for really long ones or frequent emails, and I try to avoid that (only been charged once since he resumed charging), but of course I didn't this past week. (I'm anxiously waiting to see whether he'll charge me for the 15-minute phone call--which he initiated--or emails).

I'm glad L can be flexible in giving long sessions like that. There has been a few times when I wish I could have had a longer session, but I doubt it's an option.

And the daily contact seems helpful for you--it seemed to make it much more difficult for you during her maternity leave though, right? Being used to that? That's what I feel like I have going on here, when he was less available during all the move drama (not just this past week), though a little different.

I think we do need the 3x for a little bit to see if we can work through this. Something else I worry about is that if I want to switch T's, I doubt many would allow even twice a week, and they may not allow outside contact, so I worry it will be very difficult to make that transition. Especially not having trust in them yet.

"I do think maybe he has let other boundaries lapse sometimes, and then maybe he's annoyed at himself for doing so and kind of takes that out on me maybe? I don't know. Like "You made me do this," even though he could have said no? He made a comment in session about how he had to call me Tuesday, and I said, "You didn't have to call me. You could have just replied to the email, and we'd have talked about it later in session."

I think this was so he could gauge your situation - email does not work for that sort of thing. I make students talk to me rather than email when I am not sure I am getting what is going on with them. And if one believes those people - they need to check that you are not in such a state that you will be a danger to yourself or others - they don't like lawsuits much

Man, I’ve been going to the gym nearly every day for years. But ex hankster starts exercising and you all follow her?

That’s real leadership, that is.

They are all just waiting in line to shoot me if i quit.

ETA - SEE post 907. Day 3 was already accounted for. Today's note sb 4,5,6.

Anyone have any meal ideas? My problem is I hate to cook but can’t afford to order out all the time so most of the time I just don’t bother or if I do bother it ends up being really crappy food from like a drive thru or a frozen pizza from the store. I just literally don’t enjoy standing in the kitchen chopping veggies or meats or other ingredients. I even find breading chicken to make simple chicken cutlets a task. There is a lot of foods I don’t like, either. I know there are frozen meals at the grocery store but normally they are filled with sodium and most of them just don’t taste good. Any ideas?

I have suggestions but it does involve attention and input from the person who is making and eating it.
One thing I would suggest is to go ahead and buy frozen or fresh cut up vegetables that you like to eat. I buy bags of salad (I love to cook but hate shredding lettuce) and then I add frozen falafel I heat up, canned chick peas or white beans, or cooked chicken to that and I find it tasty. Tuna is also easy to add to salads or to make sandwiches. I like beans so I mix canned beans (I make a lot from dried beans but it doesn't sound like you want to do that) with a can of rotel, get a tortilla and you can add meat or scrambled egg and put cheese and beans and rotel together = I eat this a lot for breakfast or lunch. Hard boiled eggs are cheap and easy and can be added to a lot of things. If you have a trader joes - they have sous vide chicken thighs which are quite easy to add to other foods. Another quick, easy, and I find delicious thing is chopped up tomato (Fresh or canned - fresh is better), a can of white beans or chick peas or other bean, saute some garlic and onion in olive oil, throw in some greens (spinach,chard, collard, kale, etc - what ever kind you like) let them wilt and add in the tomato and beans and stir until everything is warm and serve by itself or with crusty bread or over pasta or rice.