Couch 249: The Self Care Couch

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 26, 2024 at 12:23 PM

So we were talking about it this morning and H doesn't want me not having a car, since he's gone so much on jobs. He said what if you have to go to the ER? I said, dude, if I'm sick enough to need to go to the ER, I wouldn't be ABLE to drive myself. I'd have to call an ambulance. If he insists I have a car, I'm trying to talk him into at least buying another junker. I mean, this current 'junker' lasted me 7 years! I don't care about cars, man. It just needs to get me from A to B and back. He wants a (used, thankfully) SUV.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 26, 2024 at 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

Thanks, LT.

Sorry for the confusion - I didn't actually say 'You're not allowed to say that when we're online.'

I held my tongue or bit the words back.

The first virtual session is on the 15th of August, and we're switching focus to talk about my experience of disability (not something I envisaged spending therapy time on but feels a hell of a lot safer than delving into Feelings around this new development over whatever technological medium she chooses to use.)

She said I can email if I want to express how I'm feeling grief-wise, but...it's not quite the same.

'We're working at quite a deep level around grief at the moment.'

Yeah, and you're opting out by moving online.

I couldn't speak when she left, because I was busy trying not to break again.

Oh, I misread it as you biting back. Got it. I do think it would be good to tell her that you'd rather she not say that when you're online. Maybe you could share over email?

I do understand opting to talk about other stuff while she's virtual. I've done things like that before. Or, say, avoiding anything about the therapeutic relationship right before Dr. T goes on vacation. (Though I didn't follow that rule this time, and it worked out OK.)

I'd see how you feel as you're doing the virtual work. Maybe it would be better to talk about it in a less safe environment than not talk about it at all? I'm not sure. I know for me it can vary, whether it's better to keep it in or not.

I'm sorry you're struggling so much and that her timing is so awful.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 26, 2024 at 12:43 PM

Lost, wanted to add that today was my next-to-last in-person session at the old office (seeing Dr. T there Sunday--he's moving Monday/Tuesday), and I was very much avoiding talking more about that today or my feelings around it. Part of me feels I've dealt with it, back when I originally thought he was moving a month ago and will be fine. But I'm also wondering if I'm going to totally fall apart either during session Sunday or just after.

I was talking about marriage stuff, which is important, especially in light of some recent conflicts. But also possibly avoidant in some ways. I feel like I was sharing about emotional stuff, but not getting emotional, if you understand what I mean. Like I was afraid if I started really crying, then other stuff would come out.

I know this sounds like I'm just talking about me, but I'm also trying to express that I get the choice to avoid certain topics to feel more safe.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 26, 2024 at 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

So we were talking about it this morning and H doesn't want me not having a car, since he's gone so much on jobs. He said what if you have to go to the ER? I said, dude, if I'm sick enough to need to go to the ER, I wouldn't be ABLE to drive myself. I'd have to call an ambulance. If he insists I have a car, I'm trying to talk him into at least buying another junker. I mean, this current 'junker' lasted me 7 years! I don't care about cars, man. It just needs to get me from A to B and back. He wants a (used, thankfully) SUV.

I can understand his wanting you to have one, especially with his being gone overnight at times. I know I would want to have one (though it's more complicated with having D--I feel we need the flexibility). I hope he can find you a good and cheap one. Sounds like he's good at finding reliable cars!

LostOnTheTrail · Jul 26, 2024 at 12:45 PM

Thanks, LT.

You make some excellent points.

What I'm struggling with already feels raw, and now it feels like she's opted out of the conversation.

There is no easy way to talk about this layer virtually, so although I will gauge it as I go...it's unlikely to be an environment conducive to grief work.

The timing is beyond awful - yes, I know that the summer holidays happen, but it seems odd to make a decision that will have such an impact on the people who rely on your support professionally.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 26, 2024 at 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChickenNoodleSoup

My recent wasp removal guy was scared of them! I pointed at one of their nests and immediately he was like oh nope not going there. They were incredibly friendly though. I feel bad for killing them, if they could just not destroy stuff, that'd be great!

Ha! I mean, maybe he's been stung while removing them before. That makes me think of an "exotic animal"* veterinarian we saw for previous guinea pigs (not my current ones--he's retired). He was allergic to guinea pigs (and only them) and had to basically wear a Hazmat suit to treat them.

*So guinea pigs are considered "exotic" (as in, not cats or dogs), and vets need special training in them--goes along with rabbits, hamsters, gerbils, and often birds and reptiles. Many vets have no idea what they're doing with guinea pigs, like there are certain antibiotics that can kill them but are fine for most other furry pets.

Lemoncake · Jul 26, 2024 at 12:56 PM

I was watching this today. It might help you too Lost.

It wasn't just about people - also about learning how to find strength and seeing your own capabilities.

unaluna · Jul 26, 2024 at 01:03 PM

Artie, is uber/lyft available where you live? Compare the occasional use cost to insurance? Of course, michigan has like the highest car insurance rates in the country.

Lemoncake · Jul 26, 2024 at 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

Yep. I'd really like to make it work. We don't need a car payment on top of the monthly payment for the new a/c !

Give it a go. If you change your mind and you do need the car you can sign up later for it.

Use the spare car money to create a buffer for Yourself.

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 26, 2024 at 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I can understand his wanting you to have one, especially with his being gone overnight at times. I know I would want to have one (though it's more complicated with having D--I feel we need the flexibility). I hope he can find you a good and cheap one. Sounds like he's good at finding reliable cars!

That's a good point, I hadn't thought about his overnight trips. Anyway we came to a compromise - we're meeting in the middle I guess you'd say, looking at buying one a bit older than he wanted, but a bit newer than I cared about. The search begins.

Dang it's hot in my house. (How did we ever live without a/c when I was a kid? Well I guess it helped that it was the midwest and not here in the desert. And my Dad installed an attic fan, that sucker really cooled the house down well when we opened all the windows and turned it on.)

The portable a/c we borrowed from our friend cools only a small area but I'm so very thankful for that. Penelope even likes it; she sits right in front of it! I am so shocked that she's not scared of it cuz it's kinda loud.

unaluna · Jul 26, 2024 at 07:41 PM

Weekly Lingo report

i figured out why people purposely post wrong words - to try to find other correct letters. Duh!

And day 5 on the bike. Good thing i started on a monday.

precaryous · Jul 26, 2024 at 09:26 PM

Hi Guys!
T is leaving tomorrow for a three week trip ..first to Paris, France...then several days later she will cruise the British Isles. Her two adult sons will be going with her for part of the trip and head home before the cruise.
I am happy for her and am glad she is going. She promises to bring back stories about her adventures.

She has had vacations before during these past several years…but never overseas. I will miss her. I don’t have anything major going on, so that’s good. We decided not to start any intense topics right before her vacation.

I’ve set up my support system. I can phone her office and speak with a colleague…my previous T has agreed to email with me, if needed. Mostly, I anticipate just catching PrevT up on how I’ve been, etc. I am trying to keep my issues low key.

And, I am grateful to be able to talk or vent with you guys here.

You have such great feedback.
Thanks.

LostOnTheTrail · Jul 27, 2024 at 01:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Part of me feels I've dealt with it, back when I originally thought he was moving a month ago and will be fine. But I'm also wondering if I'm going to totally fall apart either during session Sunday or just after.

I was talking about marriage stuff, which is important, especially in light of some recent conflicts. But also possibly avoidant in some ways. I feel like I was sharing about emotional stuff, but not getting emotional, if you understand what I mean. Like I was afraid if I started really crying, then other stuff would come out.

Thanks, LT.

Missed this somehow last night.
R said she wanted me to be honest with her, at which point I thought 'No, you really effing don't.'

I'm glad you understand my avoiding emotional topics to feel more safe.
What R is asking of me feels very much like the opposite of what we have been working towards.

A lot of the time I am so detached that I struggle to identify what I am feeling.

Now I have all the feelings, but no physical safe space to process them.

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 27, 2024 at 09:38 AM

I got up a little earlier than usual for a Saturday, and went for a walk while it's still relatively cool out. I'm going to try setting my alarm 10 minutes earlier for work days and see if I can get my butt outta bed and take a short walk before I start work (again, while it's still relatively cool out). Wish me luck, as I start work at 6 am haha

unaluna · Jul 27, 2024 at 09:15 PM

Day 6 on the bikelet. Yay for me! Also processed a visible layer on the hoard. Ate a salad. Also salmon and quinoa.

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 27, 2024 at 10:04 PM

Woohoo way to go Una!

LonesomeTonight · Jul 28, 2024 at 06:16 AM

That's great, Una!

I'm going to start a renewed effort toward being healthier this week, as I have a physical the first week of October. Figure that's a good incentive. So I won't be lying when I say I exercise a few times a week.

LostOnTheTrail · Jul 28, 2024 at 07:03 AM

Sounds like the Couch Home Workout Club is go.

I'm in as well, because I need to get on the ball before my next follow up appointment in mid-August.

Hoping my core workout can just slot into my routine.

unaluna · Jul 28, 2024 at 09:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

That's great, Una!

I'm going to start a renewed effort toward being healthier this week, as I have a physical the first week of October. Figure that's a good incentive. So I won't be lying when I say I exercise a few times a week.

Yeah my drs questionnaire asks for minutes weekly. They dont fool around. Im not keeping track because i can get crazy doing that, but i stay on the bike for at least 30 minutes, taking short breaks when it feels like too much.

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 28, 2024 at 10:19 AM

Sign me up for the couch workout club too! I finally started walking again and just got my latest blood work results back yesterday, thyroid numbers look fine but my kidney function numbers are worse, progressing CKD. I will be seeing a nephrologist and a nutritionist for that instead of the weight loss thing I had signed up for through work per my doc. The medical fun never ends but that just means I'm still alive so I'm grateful for that. But boo more doctor appointments.

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Couch 249: The Self Care Couch

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Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Seattle. Posts: 9,913 (SuperPoster!) 7 10.4k hugs given	Jul 26, 2024 at 12:56 PM #587 I was watching this today. It might help you too Lost. It wasn't just about people - also about learning how to find strength and seeing your own capabilities. __________________

unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 40,565 (SuperPoster!) 13 67.9k hugs given	Jul 26, 2024 at 01:03 PM #588 Artie, is uber/lyft available where you live? Compare the occasional use cost to insurance? Of course, michigan has like the highest car insurance rates in the country.

unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 40,565 (SuperPoster!) 13 67.9k hugs given	Jul 26, 2024 at 07:41 PM #591 Weekly Lingo report i figured out why people purposely post wrong words - to try to find other correct letters. Duh! And day 5 on the bike. Good thing i started on a monday.

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,499 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,931 hugs given	Jul 27, 2024 at 09:38 AM #594 I got up a little earlier than usual for a Saturday, and went for a walk while it's still relatively cool out. I'm going to try setting my alarm 10 minutes earlier for work days and see if I can get my butt outta bed and take a short walk before I start work (again, while it's still relatively cool out). Wish me luck, as I start work at 6 am haha

unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 40,565 (SuperPoster!) 13 67.9k hugs given	Jul 27, 2024 at 09:15 PM #595 Day 6 on the bikelet. Yay for me! Also processed a visible layer on the hoard. Ate a salad. Also salmon and quinoa.

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,499 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,931 hugs given	Jul 27, 2024 at 10:04 PM #596 Woohoo way to go Una!

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 21,431 (SuperPoster!) 9 75.7k hugs given	Jul 28, 2024 at 06:16 AM #597 That's great, Una! I'm going to start a renewed effort toward being healthier this week, as I have a physical the first week of October. Figure that's a good incentive. So I won't be lying when I say I exercise a few times a week.