Couch 250: An August Couch

ArtieTheSequal · Nov 09, 2024 at 06:02 PM

Sorry to hear that, WFS.

ArtieTheSequal · Nov 09, 2024 at 06:17 PM

H just called. He's not feeling well at all, he's had a cough for several weeks that won't go away, well it seems to but then comes back, he tested for covid several times always negative, went to dr who sent him for chest xray which was completely normal, he went on his trip because the day they left he was feeling alright but today he sounds horribly depressed. I really don't know what is going on with him. He thinks it's his heart causing all of this and that

Possible trigger:

the end is nigh. He does see a cardiologist regularly because he has afib or whatever and is on medication for that. I don't know what to think. But I am glad I made that meds change recently because it's really helping me to deal with his health issues without falling apart and making him feel worse. He told me a long time ago before we ever got married that I should not expect him to live past 70 because of all the drugs he used to do in his younger days. Partly I think it's because he'll be turning 70 in 3 months and he has never expected to live past that, that's he's talking so fatalistic. Today he said he went on this trip with his longtime group of friends because it will be the last chance. Like to say goodbye. He was going to take a nap when we hung up. I left a message with the cardiologist office requesting an appointment after he gets back.

I guess I just needed to talk about this.

WarmFuzzySocks · Nov 09, 2024 at 08:58 PM

Thanks for the kind words, Couchies.
So far today I have taken a short walk, texted my friends, taken a long bath, stayed in bed with a book, and not called or texted to fix things which is a self care too because my need-to-fix-it is pretty loud right now. Now I am getting myself up and dressed and taking myself and my new book to the dinner reservation I'd booked for two tonight.

My girlfriends will help me move next weekend.

unaluna · Nov 09, 2024 at 10:17 PM

Wow artie i didnt realize he was almost 70. Yeah without really retiring, dealing with ageing is probably gonna be weird for him.

ScarletPimpernel · Nov 09, 2024 at 10:47 PM

I'm sorry about your H, Artie.

Maybe after he turns 70, maybe he'll feel a little better about life. Maybe grateful to make it?

I can relate on both sides.

Trigger for talk of fear of death

Possible trigger:

My dad didn't think he'd make it to 70 either. He said every 23 years, something bad happened. At 23, he married my mom. At 46, he divorced my mom, and his dad died at 69 (they think a stroke from a blood clot from an old injury). My dad is 70 now, so he made it. I don't know how he feels because of the b.s. and end of our relationship.

From the other side, I don't feel like I'll live long. I have no date I'm afraid of or thinking of. Just that my life will be cut short because of my smoking. I'm afraid of C. Then again, my mom is still here and she's smoked her whole life too. And she's still young imo.

atisketatasket · Nov 10, 2024 at 12:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WarmFuzzySocks

Thanks for the kind words, Couchies.
So far today I have taken a short walk, texted my friends, taken a long bath, stayed in bed with a book, and not called or texted to fix things which is a self care too because my need-to-fix-it is pretty loud right now. Now I am getting myself up and dressed and taking myself and my new book to the dinner reservation I'd booked for two tonight.

My girlfriends will help me move next weekend.

Ooh, who’s the lucky dinner companion? Tana French? Ian Rankin? (Just throwing names of authors of new books out there.)

Remember, some bicycles are built for one.

LonesomeTonight · Nov 10, 2024 at 09:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

H just called. He's not feeling well at all, he's had a cough for several weeks that won't go away, well it seems to but then comes back, he tested for covid several times always negative, went to dr who sent him for chest xray which was completely normal, he went on his trip because the day they left he was feeling alright but today he sounds horribly depressed. I really don't know what is going on with him. He thinks it's his heart causing all of this and that

Possible trigger:

the end is nigh. He does see a cardiologist regularly because he has afib or whatever and is on medication for that. I don't know what to think. But I am glad I made that meds change recently because it's really helping me to deal with his health issues without falling apart and making him feel worse. He told me a long time ago before we ever got married that I should not expect him to live past 70 because of all the drugs he used to do in his younger days. Partly I think it's because he'll be turning 70 in 3 months and he has never expected to live past that, that's he's talking so fatalistic. Today he said he went on this trip with his longtime group of friends because it will be the last chance. Like to say goodbye. He was going to take a nap when we hung up. I left a message with the cardiologist office requesting an appointment after he gets back.

I guess I just needed to talk about this.

I'm sorry your H is feeling so negative about his health and life. That sounds difficult to deal with, so I'm glad your meds are helping you with it. My H tends to get a lingering cough after even just a regular cold, so maybe it could just be that? I also wonder if he could be reacting to something in the environment, like an allergy, or if it's possibly some form of asthma (my sister-in-law has asthma that primarily shows up as coughing).

Do you think it would help him to check in with the cardiologist again? Or maybe he's in a place where nothing a doctor tells him/negative tests will help him feel better. I imagine he's not open to therapy, based on how he's felt about yours at times...

LostOnTheTrail · Nov 10, 2024 at 09:41 AM

Couch Workout Club day 98

Got my steps in during a Sunday walk in the park and around a couple of shops.

WarmFuzzySocks · Nov 10, 2024 at 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Ooh, who’s the lucky dinner companion? Tana French? Ian Rankin? (Just throwing names of authors of new books out there.)

Remember, some bicycles are built for one.

Ruth Rendell. I hit the used bookstore a couple days ago.

comrademoomoo · Nov 10, 2024 at 01:28 PM

Girlfriends (all kinds) are the best.

Lemoncake · 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

H just called. He's not feeling well at all, he's had a cough for several weeks that won't go away, well it seems to but then comes back, he tested for covid several times always negative, went to dr who sent him for chest xray which was completely normal, he went on his trip because the day they left he was feeling alright but today he sounds horribly depressed. I really don't know what is going on with him. He thinks it's his heart causing all of this and that

Possible trigger:

the end is nigh. He does see a cardiologist regularly because he has afib or whatever and is on medication for that. I don't know what to think. But I am glad I made that meds change recently because it's really helping me to deal with his health issues without falling apart and making him feel worse. He told me a long time ago before we ever got married that I should not expect him to live past 70 because of all the drugs he used to do in his younger days. Partly I think it's because he'll be turning 70 in 3 months and he has never expected to live past that, that's he's talking so fatalistic. Today he said he went on this trip with his longtime group of friends because it will be the last chance. Like to say goodbye. He was going to take a nap when we hung up. I left a message with the cardiologist office requesting an appointment after he gets back.

I guess I just needed to talk about this.

Atrial fibrillation is to do with his heart rhythm being irregular. The cough could have been caused by it, but this would have been seen on the x-ray because of a build up of fluid on the lungs. Which he got the all clear for.

Could be RSV, bronchitis, the flu or the common cold amongst others. It's good he's looking into it.

His attitude could become a self fulfilling prophecy. He becomes convinced that the cough is a sign of something very serious. This expectation creates stress and anxiety. More stress lowers immunity further. Chronic stress takes longer to deal with the infection and it goes around again.

He needs some rest. To stay hydrated. To drink some honey and ginger tea. He could see a pharmacist for over the counter cough products.

Lemoncake · Nov 10, 2024 at 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WarmFuzzySocks

I think I just broke up with bicycle guy.
My girlfriends have been warning me “red flags! flaming red!!!” for over a year. Knowing that doesn’t make the “I need to fix it right now!” part of me feel any better.
Plus I feel stupid for ignoring the control and criticism and etc. You’d think I’d have known better. Apparently nope.

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. Breaking up, even when it's for the best, is always painful and complicated.

It’s understandable to feel conflicted, and it’s perfectly normal to have a part of you that wants to “fix” things, even if you know deep down it wasn’t healthy.

You aren’t stupid for giving someone a chance or for hoping the relationship could change. It’s human to want to see the best in people, especially when you care about them. Your past decisions don’t make you any less wise or capable—they just show that you were hopeful and caring.

Sometimes, it takes time to see patterns of control or criticism, and that’s not a reflection of your intelligence or worth. You recognized a problem, and you took action, which is incredibly brave.

Grief is painful, and trying to suppress it often makes the healing process longer. It's good you've got your girlfriends in your corner.

ArtieTheSequal · Nov 10, 2024 at 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Wow artie i didnt realize he was almost 70. Yeah without really retiring, dealing with ageing is probably gonna be weird for him.

Yeah. He's semi-retired, I guess you'd call it. He doesn't want to stop working this job completely, until he has to. He LOVES driving, and the variety of work that he gets. He does only long distance now, since it's less stressful than trying to do a bunch of timed local deliveries. And doesn't work every day, there will be random days he doesn't get any work.

LostOnTheTrail · 04:54 PM

Hi Couch,

I hope today is being kind to you.
I just wanted to offer an update about my experience with RC.

We had a productive conversation tonight about everything that happened last week.

She doesn't think it would have happened if it had just been the two of us.

We'll see what happens over the next few weeks.

LonesomeTonight · Nov 10, 2024 at 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

Hi Couch,

I hope today is being kind to you.
I just wanted to offer an update about my experience with RC.

We had a productive conversation tonight about everything that happened last week.

She doesn't think it would have happened if it had just been the two of us.

We'll see what happens over the next few weeks.

Glad to hear you had a productive conversation. Hope she can continue to provide support for you.

WarmFuzzySocks · Nov 10, 2024 at 10:25 PM

Lemon, I cried a little at that. Breaking up is stupid and hard. Thank you, dear. You have a kind gentle soul.

I am in the did-I-make-a-stupid-mistake??? phase. Best advice art t gave me- Tell your friends. No secrets or covering like last time. Tell your besties everything so they can be your "nope, that's not normal, girlfriend" while you re-learn your own intuition. So now when I want to call bicycle guy and suggest pretending that never happened, I text them instead. So far they say some version of "Nope. don't do it. Not a mistake."

LostOnTheTrail · Nov 11, 2024 at 10:17 AM

Hi Couch,

I had another griefquake this morning.
Turns out there's one particular song that always works, and it was next up on Spotify...

As a result, I am the ache once again.

Feelings are hard,

Lost

LonesomeTonight · Nov 11, 2024 at 10:49 AM

Hugs to you, Lost.

LostOnTheTrail · Nov 11, 2024 at 10:57 AM

Thanks, LT.

When Rumi said 'Let everything happen to you', I'm not sure he meant all at once...

unaluna · Nov 11, 2024 at 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

Yeah. He's semi-retired, I guess you'd call it. He doesn't want to stop working this job completely, until he has to. He LOVES driving, and the variety of work that he gets. He does only long distance now, since it's less stressful than trying to do a bunch of timed local deliveries. And doesn't work every day, there will be random days he doesn't get any work.

That sounds great! I was bereft when i stopped working. I think your brain doesnt understand what happened! I was working in my sleep for YEARS after. Always late filling out my timecards! It was the worst! Thats probably why they have retirement parties. And funerals!

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Couch 250: An August Couch

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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,604 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,016 hugs given	Nov 09, 2024 at 06:02 PM #961 Sorry to hear that, WFS.

unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 40,962 (SuperPoster!) 13 68.9k hugs given	Nov 09, 2024 at 10:17 PM #964 Wow artie i didnt realize he was almost 70. Yeah without really retiring, dealing with ageing is probably gonna be weird for him.

comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,838 5	Nov 10, 2024 at 01:28 PM #970 Girlfriends (all kinds) are the best.

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 21,618 (SuperPoster!) 9 76.2k hugs given	Nov 11, 2024 at 10:49 AM #978 Hugs to you, Lost.